Wandering

I miss when the national weather service was staffed and funded. Now the weather alerts are like “There is a slight chance of a massive thunderstorm with hail and 60 mile per hour winds capable of knocking out the power grid. Slight. Might happen, might not. We’re not God, we don’t know.”

and you may tell yourself: this is not my beautiful circus! and you may tell yourself: these are not my beautiful monkeys!!!

There's rpf tinhatting and then there's "realistically, they've jerked off together at least once." It's different yk

been burning the candle at a third and possibly even fourth end lately, an advanced technique that no one talks about because it's "a bad idea"

Stop volunteering to be the village sacrifice we all know you're not a virgin. The dragon probably wouldn't even be into you.

Untie yourself from that altar right now.

Look. I didn't want to say anything because it's kind of a touchy subject, but the dragon doesn't actually take these "brides" back to its lair full of riches and add them to a harem. Okay? It's a big fucking lizard with a brain the size of an orange, it just roasts and eats them.

That's why we always pick the most useless airhead to sacrifice come harvest season.

Now come on, get those chains off. Where did you even get these? Oh you made them? See that's the kind of craftsmanship the village needs you for. We'll have a big orgy after the ritual and if you want a bunch of us will dress up as dragons and take turns having a go at you. It'll be nice, you'll see.

Yes, yes, I know, not the same. Well not all dreams are attainable, in the end.

“which could mean nothing” is my favorite sentence ever bc on the surface it describes something that COULD indeed mean nothing. but we use it to emphasize the other side of that coin i.e. that it could also mean something. it keeps us grounded bc we are technically focusing on the liklihood that the information given doesn’t necessarily imply gay sex is happening, while still silently acknowledging the possibility that it might.

Geological horror. You find a geode and crack it open and the crystal lining its walls is human blood that can't be genetically matched to anyone. You find a human skeleton but every one of the bones is made from rock, a rock that you know can't be whittled into those shapes. You find layers of clay and loam that sport ancient fossils at the top and the still-rotting corpses of modern animals at the bottom.

This reminds me of the blood river in Antarctica. For like a century scientists had no clue why this river looked like, acted like, and felt exactly like blood. Turns out it’s just really high in iron.

Blood Falls isn't just high in iron, it's the byproducts of extremophile bacteria that have been isolated under a glacier in a iron- and sulfur-rich anoxic brine for the past 5 million years.

have the vampires tried it to see if they like it? I bet they'd like it. I mean unless what they really like is haemoglobin and platelets, then they're shit outta luck but still if I were undead I'd totally give it a go

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.

Nothing funnier than having a 20 minute crashout about how much you hate your job and then continuing with your day. I hope hunter-gatherers did this midway through tracking their lunch.

kicks rock where's MY socialist muslim elected offical