a homoerotic voyage 2the most dangerous place on 🌎

I think Bilbo is gay but he doesn’t get laid much if at all because every time he’s alone with a nice bloke who’s interested he takes the opportunity to read them some of his poetry. and if they’re appreciative he takes that as a cue to read them more. if they’re not appreciative he won’t fuck them.

i was on the phone with my father earlier today talking about videogames (typical for conversation with my father), i was telling him about my lord of the rings online character who i imagine is a horse-thief from rohan and my father said “i imagine that is a very serious crime in rohan” with real concern in his voice

i respect ppl who think frodo & sam were sucking & fucking constantly when the narrator wasn't looking. but personally i think the furthest they went was an awkward attempt at mutual handjobs one night in mordor which started as sam trying to do something anything that'd make frodo feel good & frodo insisted on doing it for sam too & sam closed his eyes & tried to imagine it was rosie cotton while frodo tried to remember the shire or focus on the texture of sam's rough hand or the unyielding heat in his own grip or think about anything other than the great burning wheel & neither of them succeeded. & frodo never got fully hard & eventually pushed sam's hand away but kept going & sam felt like he had failed & part of him wanted to push frodo's hand away too but instead he came harder than he had ever in his life & they never talked about it again

This has been my life since ‘96 😅

as a person who doesn't particularly like their characters "pathetic" these posts are not for me but also i really do need people to have criteria for someone being "pathetic" that are more than like, "expressed one (1) emotion" or "didn't solve an intractable problem immediately"

#they just don’t make behind the scenes stories like lotr anymore

wow I hate his guts now

really underrated part of the LotR films is when gollum gets exposition lines. like can you imagine? you're travelling with the most fucked-up evil little murder greyhound creature imaginable and he lives in a cave and doesn't know about potatoes but from time to time you have to ask him about local geopolitics. and he answers you

Imagine if a like 8 foot tall guy that looked kinda like an alien species just kinda showed up at the house you rent a room in and crashed on the couch and at first everyone hated him but you kinda just accepted this weird massive kinda-human alien species thing as a part of your group even though he's like twice the size of everyone else there

Cuz that's literally happening to sea lions in San Francisco right now

Need y’all to know that in the 1970’s a letter to the editor was published in Daily Telegraph where the author offhandedly used the phrase “Tolkien-like gloom” to describe an area with barren trees and JRRT himself wrote back an incensed rebuttal at the use of his name in a context that suggested anything negative about trees.

A tree tried to eat the hobbits. Tom Bombadil had to save them. There's Mirkwood, "The Forest of Great Fear." I'm on the side of the writer of the letter to the editor.

@businesstiramisu !!!!

@monstrousgourmandizingcats

"Old Man Willow did nothing wrong" is not the Tolkien take I expected today, but I'm here for it.

tolkien shouldve made celebrimbor a woman but luckily due to the texts nature we can pretend that that was the case and history just erased her