You can lie when you name things

#fandom needs this one

Discworld Heritage Post

Putting the term "Catholic guilt" on a high shelf where fandom can't reach it until everyone learns how to identify characters who are very very clearly coded as Protestant.

Peeling the lid off of a yogurt and it's a big spiral staircase going down forever

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

wait, you're telling me some "boys" didn't grow up feeling like a lesbian trapped in the wrong body? i thought that was normal!

her cookie make me pitch a tent because shes fat & weird and now I will expire in 1-3 days

let's fucking go i just got called a "weird little freak" by a really beautiful woman . we're gonna make it out alive

my family wasn't this strict, but in some sects of buddhism you're not allowed to eat the "five pungent vegetables", onions garlic shallots leeks and umm chives i think, really any of those kind of vegetables. probably some monk ages ago was tired of onion farts stinking up the temple. anyways, one time my brother made a soup using all five of them. he said, "one sip of this, and you'll be reincarnated as a flea."

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off

She Would Say That. She would DO that.

My favorite catholic lore is that anyone can make holy water in a pinch but the church puts dumb restrictions on us like ‘do this only if someone needs their last rites’ like I WILL bless this McDonald’s sprite and I WILL enjoy the crispiness of our lord and savior

Another bit is that holy water cannot be diluted. When I went to the Vatican the tour guide was explaining this, if you put any amount of holy water into any amount of normal water, the whole bunch becomes holy. This is how they sell Pope Holy Water in the gift shop. This is how I've been drinking only holy water for two months now. I am immune to demons.

Homeopathic holy

It’s not actually any amount of holy water- according to the Church, the water has to be more than half holy water by volume. So if you take a half gallon+a few drops of holy water and a half gallon of secular water, you get one gallon of holy water, plus a few drops. You can then add a gallon of secular water to that and then you have two gallons of holy water. We’ve got a couple jugs of Pope Water in the linen closet at my parents’ house, because my mom used the heck out of this loophole after a trip to Italy in 2008. It was more than a decade ago at this point and we still have Pope Water. We no longer have that Pope, but by god do we have his water.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: we have two flavors of pope water now, Benedict XVI and Francis! My little sister who lives in Italy went to the Vatican last week and got my mom some Francis water. Needless to say, I will be mixing the two of them to see what happens. (Answer: nothing will happen, but it’ll be extremely funny to me. Supercharged waters of the papacy.)

i eat your grandads clothes

Macklemoth