Come In Babe, We’re Blaspheming

So I’m in mormon country and pride’s this Saturday. In a perfect world I have an art piece to show at it, and I’ve decided on the one I want to make:

A picture of a burning family proclamation (photoshopped by me to have rainbow flames) and bold letters (also done by me) that say “your god can’t tell me who to love.” It would be titled “Reclamation.”

But I can’t do the burning part rn, so anybody wanna step up and send me some nice pictures of a burning family proclamation? Credit would look like this: “Reclamation by [me], photograph courtesy of [you].”

[id: a screenshot of a comment by @honeyduchessxx that reads “If you want to make a weak country, destroy families. If you have strong families you have a strong country. Sounds like YOU are full of hate and judgement and are happy to destroy America.”]

Oh honey, it sounds like one of two things are happening here. Either you’re not mormon and therefore don’t know what you’re talking about, or your mormon, cishet, and parroting talking points. (Also you immediately assume I’m concerned abt the US lol.) I had to survive people like you for years and I’m done w that, so kindly fuck off.

And you have your staff play with their kids while you hold them in the tiny restroom as they come completely undone because they just found out that their golden boy husband is having an affair with the someone he's been doing residency with for the past three years.

He confessed that he'd rather be with the other woman but she's of a different faith and it's more important to have kids than to be happy. And no. No he will not grant her a divorce. And he will not stop seeing the other woman - because he's a man. It's his right.

TRUE story.

Also - She was NOT THE ONLY ONE to fall to pieces in our store for similar reasons.

I loath the ideology of "tradwives". It is a false doctrine preach by Patriarchy not a divine being.

It is the nature of evil to hide this way.

Married out of college, 4 kids, he spent 15 years building up his career while she took care of the house and the kids. When he was earning $600k a year suddenly he started to pull away - she wasn't as pretty anymore, the kids were loud, the house was a mess... She wasn't good enough anymore. He got himself a flat. He got her me and my precedessors to help with the kids. No, they can't divorce, that would make him pay her money for the kids and he didn't like that. Every once in a while a bill would be unpaid. My weekly checks would bounce. We lived in a $1,5mil house around DC and our gas or water was turned off more than once.

Somehow he was always out of money.

By accident she learned from a friend of a friend that he was actually seeing a young lady lawyer for a few years now. It wasn't her, it wasn't lost interest. He was just a piece of shit.

Thankfully, she had family that took no shit and they stood behind her and borrowed her money for lawyers to force the divorce now that she had proof of him cheating. She's spent tens of thousands to get there while he was resisting every step of the way - because without divorce he wouldn't have to pay her alimony, he could just throw scraps whenever he wanted and still pretend to be a good dad.

She's spent tens of thousands and two years to free herself from this man, and when she could finally go to work (thank fuck she finished college) she was earning $25k a year.

She only managed to get away with the support of her parents and family. Through the au-pair grapevine I've known other families like that. Too many. Lady down the street tried to commit suicide when same happened to her - she was from Taiwan and had no support to get free. And people around scorned her for being "dramatic" - women who held on to their places with their fingertips talked shit about her, because their own husbands would never...! Right?

This? Is why conservatives want to take away no-fault divorce--because if some dude says no to a divorce and you don't have any (IRON-TIGHT) evidence of cheating? Then you're stuck in that situation and he doesn't have to pay a drop toward you and your kids. He can go get a flat, fuck his mistress, and you will starve with your kids until you can get some kind of proof of him cheating and a judge who likes you.

Now imagine all of this horror movie shit, AND you can't open a bank account without this piece of shit opening it with you. That was what women dealt with until about the 70s when we were finally allowed to open bank accounts with a man's signature.

That is what conservatives and fundies want to take you back to. When this shit was just the fucking norm.

There are old white guys still alive who remember who damn nice it was when a woman couldn't open a bank account without a man's signature and his dad could go live a double life with a mistress with zero repercussions and oh how they slather and drool for those times. And how they have waxed poetic about these halcyon days to their desperate daddy-issues sons now eager to please and without the social skills or emotional maturity to understand the fucked up nature of it all.

"...You'll gain weight" 🚫

Wrong

Body negative

You need way more calories than a slice of cake to gain even one pound

"...You'll get sick" ✔

Correct

Sugar is good but if you eat too much you get stummy ache :(

Better when eaten in moderation anyway

Prioritizes listening to your body

"...Without me" 👀

Secret third option?

Encourages community

Get sick with someone you love

And that's not bad! It's true for a lot of people! You CAN go back later! You can apply to university, you can get your GED, you can pursue whatever level of education you want. It's not bad to share that message. If you dropped out and want to go back eventually, there is zero timeline. You can go back at any age, with any life experience. You do not have to graduate by a specific age.

But as someone who dropped out of college over a decade ago, sometimes "you can always go back!" starts to feel a little like an empty platitude. Sometimes it starts to feel grating instead of hopeful. Even when it might technically be true, sometimes it still feels like a hollow sentiment.

I just want to say, to anyone else out there who feels that way, who dropped out and CAN'T go back, potentially EVER, whether it's due to poverty or disability or any other reason:

It's okay to drop out and never go back. It might feel shitty, and you may even feel grief over it. That's real, and painful, and allowed. But you are not lesser. Even if you never go back, you are not a failure or a loser. Academics do not define your worth. You are not stupid. And it is almost certain that the system actually failed YOU.

With love,

I personally still deal with a lot of grief about how my university career ended, but that's just one experience. I know other people with zero regrets, who talk openly about the ways that dropping out literally saved their lives. Life throws nasty curveballs sometimes.

you don't "hate kids," you hate censorship passed off as family values.

you don't "hate kids," you hate the constrictiveness of the nuclear family.

you don't "hate kids," you're just not used to occupying fully age diverse spaces so you're not used to the noise or the many different kinds of needs.

you don't "hate kids," most public spaces just aren't built for kids, and so the few kids you see are always uncomfortable and distressed.

you don't "hate kids," you hate the intense social rules assigned to kids and anyone who interacts with kids.

i was warned constantly that the world outside the church would try to take away my faith, that the temptation of sin was around every corner and if i didn’t maintain my relationship with God, it would catch me.

i was told that college was dangerous because i would be constantly tempted by the devil.

so when i finally started admitting that i wasn’t Christian anymore, i was overcome with the feeling that maybe i just wasn’t strong enough, maybe i should’ve gone to bible study or found a church on my campus, i should have prayed more, i should have read the bible more, maybe if i’d just abstained from drinking and kissing girls id still be a believer, maybe all the doubts i was having were just worldly distractions and i wasn’t faithful enough to ignore them, maybe i just wasn’t good enough

But when the stakes are that high? A God who truly loved us would be doing EVERYTHING to save us from it, even if that meant appearing right before our eyes. He would be doing many things that he is obviously not. If my loved ones were in mortal peril, there is nothing in this world that could keep me from trying to help. Just because I love them.

So I can only conclude that he is either not real, lying about Hell, or apathetic to my wellbeing. Whatever the answer— fake, liar, or apathetic—, that is not a God I want to serve.

Oh that's right.

Cause then they couldn't control you with guilt. If he had just forgiven anyone, there would be no emotional blackmail, no way to make you feel like you owed it to someone who did something for you without asking.