Iridisentry

The sigil in his hand burned like hot coal, as a permanent reminder of Merlin’s words."I leave Camelot willingly.”

He left. Merlin actually left Camelot, and in doing so, he left Arthur.

And while he said it was willingly, Arthur knew it wasn’t. He gave his friend no choice — Merlin had to leave or face banishment as Arthur had threatened.

The air in his lungs was pressing on his heart and he felt himself grow dizzy. One hand was curled tightly on the table, gripping it with all his might. “Dismissed” Arthur gritted through his teeth, and the lords and ladies of court disappeared quickly, not wanting to be in the same room as their King another second longer.

His round table of knights and advisors remained. His most trusted knights, Gwen and Agravaine sat in their chairs watching him. Gwaine had been pushed back into submission by Lancelot who looked at Arthur questioningly. As if he didn’t recognise him. 

His heart had stopped beating the moment Merlin left the room. Perhaps it had even stopped earlier, at the exact time Merlin said, "Your uncle is having an affair with your sister” in such a manner that left no room for doubt.

Once Merlin had spoken Arthur heard the truth in his words. As always, Merlin had a way of reading him better than anyone else. As if they shared the same heart and soul; Merlin knew exactly what Arthur was thinking and feeling at every moment.

His servant was no stranger to speaking treason, but he usually did so out of public sight. He would speak his mind where only Arthur could hear, and where he would politely chide him for such speech, before ordering him to muck out the horses. Merlin always made sure Arthur had time to think and reflect on his own terms, without the pressure of others watching.

And while he always thought Merlin had been one to worry needlessly and look for suspicious signs, he had never made such a grave accusation before. Never so publicly, never in such a demanding way. 

Merlin must have therefore been completely convinced of Agravaine’s treachery to make such a public scene. Merlin had forced his hand, and if Arthur didn’t act, he would look like a fool in front of his court and friends. To say he was confused and hurt would be an understatement.

“I have never seen such behavior from Merlin before. He’s never spoken to me like that.” Arthur whispered to himself, almost entirely unaware of the people looking at him.

Agravaine nodded gravely “Indeed, sire. Something must be terribly wrong for Merlin to abandon you. It makes one wonder…”

“It makes me wonder if he was telling the truth.” Arthur cut him off. The King turned his head and looked at the man beside him, daring him to answer.

“Arthur?! My dear nephew, please you cannot insult me in such a manner. I could never betray you! It would be like betraying Ygraine, and I live every day with her memory in my heart — no! Do not say such a thing again.” Agravaine insisted emphatically, shaking his head.

“Hmm.” Arthur hummed, not wanting to believe him, but simultaneously not wanting to doubt him either. Merlin must’ve had some proof, something that could without a shadow of a doubt, incriminate the man.

“I only meant…it makes one wonder how he has come to such a conclusion. I fear I must’ve hurt him quite deeply by telling you about Gaius’ treason. He must be heartbroken to have seen his uncle leave him without a goodbye. Or perhaps he’s even enchanted, or cursed into speaking evil.” Agravaine surmised, looking up into the ceiling as if deep in thought.

Had it been any other day, Arthur would have fallen for it. But not now. He could see it clear as day. The lines around his eyes were smiling, his lips curled in a proud manner. His uncle was amused by the whole ordeal.

Arthur thought back to Merlin’s words and realised with an instant that he had been correct on all counts: Agravaine had been the one encouraging him to show his strength as a new King and execute Crealeon. He had nearly started a war just so he could impress his uncle and council.

Merlin had tried so hard to prevent it, to force Arthur to see sense and not kill a foreign King. But he had done it anyway and nearly doomed Camelot to a long and arduous war. He put his head in his hands and sighed.

Years before, Merlin had done everything in his power to stop Arthur from killing his own father. And three months ago, Agravaine had done everything in his power to make Arthur kill Creleon. A widow and three children were left behind after his actions that day. Had he listened to Merlin, like he promised them both he’d always do, Queen Annis would still have her husband, and Camelot would not be recouping the financial loss of an attempted war.

Also true, was the allegation that Agravaine had been the one to encourage breaking his courtship with Guinevere. 

Ideas of social hierarchy had been ingrained into him since birth, and Gwen and Merlin had worked hard on whittling it down, but Agravaine had put his foot down and told him he could under no circumstances make a servant his queen. And so he had listened to his mother's brother, and ended their courtship.

The woman he once loved so dearly was now happily married — and he was happy for them — but it stung to think about the loss of the only woman he had ever seriously considered making his queen. At least he had made her seneschal, and she had a proper voice at court as a lady. The position was thoroughly deserved, and it was the least he could do after the mess he had created in her life.

Arthur lifted his head and looked at his table. They were sitting at the ordinary council table, not the round one, but it only made the loss of Merlin even more obvious. Merlin, who sat at his right-hand side that dreadful night in the Hall of the Ancient Kings, had never even been granted a place at the official table. He was always standing off to the side, holding his notes or a pitcher of wine.

Merlin, his closest friend and most trusted servant, had always been by his side. A steady and loyal presence. Over the years he’d risked floggings and beheadings several times over, just so Arthur could have a better day. The same could be said for Gaius.

His old physician had never lied to him before. He had always been a steady presence, and even his father had deferred to the man on many occasions because he trusted him. Uther had also personally apologised after the witchfinder debacle. The poor man had been tortured into a false confession and was about to burn at the stake, but his father had not even given him the grace of a public apology.

And now it had happened again. Gaius, who had never steered him wrong before had yet again been wronged by him. Shame overcame him, and he barely heard the smarmy voice of his uncle who had continued to speak.

“And I understand the need to take such an allegation seriously, but Arthur, I assure you; I could never betray you! If it would ease your mind, I implore you, your own men can search my chambers for I have nothing to hide.”

Arthur looked over at his friends, who all seemed desperate to leave the room and search for Merlin. They ought to do that, and he could see Gwaine was itching to get away as quickly as possible. 

Arthur nodded to Leon and Percival. The unspoken order was clear — search his uncle's rooms. The two largest knights got up quickly and headed out.

Arthur looked at Gwaine and Lancelot. “Find him,” He ordered. And in a much smaller voice, he begged.

“Find him, please.”

—

Arthur sent Agravaine to the cells, temporarily, as a precaution. As much as he believed Merlin’s accusation, it hurt him immensely to see his once beloved uncle dragged into the dungeons. But he ignored the bitterness of reality, and set about searching for Merlin.

Everyone had scampered off in different directions. But it became clear that something was wrong when they all met in the main hallway.

Arthur had walked up and down the many corridors for what felt like hours, hoping foolishly to run into his idiot manservant. But Merlin was nowhere to be found. He stopped by an open window and looked out at the castle square.

Behind him, he heard loud clanging of armour, and heavy footsteps on the stone floor. The sound echoed across the hall. He turned to face them, hope quickly dwindling as he saw Lancelot's face.

Sirs Gwaine and Lancelot had returned from Merlin’s rooms. Lancelot looked somber. “All his belongings are gone!” At the same time, Gwen came running up from the stairs, her delicate apron was covered in hay. “Filip said Merlin saddled up with Hengroen and left.”

“How did he get away so quickly? He just left the throne room?” Arthur bemoaned. Sweat began to form at the nape of his neck, and his hands shook. He took a deep breath and looked out of the window again. Merlin couldn’t have made it far, he must still be in the citadel, or near the forest clearing.

It was Gwen who came to a horrifying conclusion. “He must’ve been prepared. He had packed his things before he came to the council. He knew…he knew what his future would look like. He expected this outcome.”

She cried “I can’t believe he would leave without saying his goodbyes! At least to us! To me.” Writhing her hands together, she bit her lip and let her tears fall. 

Arthur felt sick, and he wanted to empty his stomach. Years of warrior training kept him from expelling his stomach contents, but he felt the uneasiness return when two more knights approached.

Sirs Percival and Leon shook their heads at him. “There is nothing in Lord Agravaines chambers that would suggest him being a traitor.”

Arthur half nodded. Looking at them again he said, “There must be something. If Merlin was this convinced my uncle was a traitor, there must be some tangible proof. Something to condemn him.”

As always, Leon was the voice of reason. “Perhaps we should keep him under arrest until we’ve searched his chambers more thoroughly. And if we still find nothing, he could return to court while we keep an eye on him. If he is working for Morgana he will undoubtedly report back to her about today's events.”

The plan is set. Leon, Elyan, Gwen, and Percival return to the lord's rooms to search for evidence, while Arthur, Gwaine, and Lancelot head for the stables. They have a servant to find.

— 

A day goes by. No Merlin and no Gaius.

Arthur can’t eat or sleep. Gwaine never returned and is still out searching the outlying woods. Lancelot and Elyan tackled the city and villages. No sign of him.

Gwen has been walking around with dry tears on her face as she takes on more responsibilities around the castle. Merlin had been doing the work of several servants, and finding people to replace him took time.

In Gaius’ absence, they must hire a new physician. The man’s name is Farris. and he comes from Powys. A healthy and steady man in his late forties sat in Gaius' chair at the round table. Arthur and Gwen had just presented him with the contract.

“I am not signing this. It’s undignified.” He pushed the scroll away and closed his hands.

“What makes you say that? It’s exactly the same as Gaius had. Please, tell me what is wrong and we will take a closer look.” Gwen, as polite as ever, said. Her hands were barely shaking.

“Well, for one, the pay is half of what I would get in any other court. The work is overwhelming — I cannot see anything about potion makers, medicinal gardens, or even where my own chambers would be. Are you telling me Gaius did all this work himself? Planted the herbs and plants, pickled and brewed his own ingredients, worked nights and days on his own…all on this insult of a pittance?” Farris seemed truly outraged.

The man was not rude, but he looked astonished at the scroll as he counted on his fingers. “In my former employ, there were five physicians with three assistants. Some dealt with the court and its knights, others with the people. We had herb gardens and specified potion makers. It seems that in Camelot Gaius and his assistant have done the work of eight people all on their own.”

He looked further down and noticed something. “And the boy was only paid in room and board.”

Arthur could not help widening his mouth in shock. Now that someone had laid it all out, he could see the ridiculous nature of Gaius and Merlin’s work. And had Merlin never been paid? To think they had only one physician to Powys’ eight was staggering.

Gwen spoke. “What do you mean, medicinal gardens? Arthur's manservant, Merlin, used to gather herbs in the forest, and I would sometimes join him if  — “

“My dear lady, that’s because Uther burned the medicinal gardens Camelot used to have.” Farris retorted, and when Arthur looked abashed he added. “Healing plants have an unfortunate tendency to be mistaken for magical plants.”

Arthur sighed. Of course. It always came back to magic.

“You mean to tell me that Merlin and Gaius have spent hours of their lives foraging in the woods when those plants used to grow in our gardens?” He didn’t need an answer. The look on everyone’s faces was all the answer he needed.

“Worse yet,” Farris looked nervous as he added. “Gossip is widespread in our community, and it’s known that Uther only allowed one physician to work in his Kingdom, because of its possible connection to magic.”

Arthur groaned and cursed his father. How had he never noticed, or even considered, the fact that Camelot only had one working physician? All other healers he’d ever met were commoners and their work was unrecognised. Gods, he felt like an idiot.

“And as to your question about the pay.” Farris continued. “I can only speculate, but it is known amongst my colleagues that Gaius was pardoned for his former magic use. He was only allowed to live as long as the King saw fit — no wonder he never complained about the pay of the amount of work.”

Uther had been metaphorically dangling a noose in front of his face for the past twenty-something years. No wonder the man was so eager to please and never complained unless absolutely necessary. He had paid Merlin in room and board for it was all he could afford.

Arthur felt anger take over and he gripped the table hard. Damn Uther, and damn Agravaine.

“Thank you, Farris, for bringing this to my attention. I trust Lady Gwen to go over the details with you in full, and to amend any disagreements you may have. Camelot needs a physician, more in fact, as we’ve seemingly only had one these last decades. Please — whatever you may need, you will get.”

He left the room without a goodbye. He trusted Gwen would take care of it all. She always did.

Behind him, he could hear Leon’s heavy steps. The man had a way of walking that signaled his station and honor. It was an uncanny walk, one Arthur would recognise anywhere.

“Arthur,” He called and Arthur stopped by the same window he looked out of yesterday. Arthur looked out at his kingdom: what else has failed to see? What else had been right there in front of him, but he had never even cared to look. And what else has been deliberately shielded from him?

“It’s not your fault they never told you,” Leon emphasised. He put a comforting hand on the King's shoulder. 

“But it’s not their fault either, for not telling me.” He replied. “By admitting the failures in my father's rule it would be to speak of treason, which is a hanging offense. By gritting their teeth and keeping their head low, they were at least able to survive.” He concluded.

His father had been so afraid of magic that he had burned ordinary plants to ashes. And as a result, the health and well-being of Camelot citizens suffered. It’s a laughably terrifying thought.

“Merlin must’ve been so overworked, even without all the ridiculous chores I gave him. No wonder he spent all his free time at the tavern.” Arthur could almost laugh.

Sir Leon paused in an unusual matter. Arthur signaled for him to speak his mind. “I don’t think Merlin was ever at the tavern, sire. At least I never saw him, and Gwaine swears he’s never seen Merlin drink more than half a cider at Yule. He was probably out doing Gaius work, or hell, taking a nap from all the other chores he had.”

Arthur cursed loudly this time and marched back to his chambers. They were bleak and empty. Cold and uninviting. What used to be his solace, his private space where he and Merlin could exist together in peace, was now a startling reminder of what he had lost.