IrregularGremlin

Good morning! I’m salty.

I think we, as a general community, need to start taking this little moment more seriously.

This, right here? This is asking for consent. It’s a legal necessity, yes, but it is also you, the reader, actively consenting to see adult content; and in doing so, saying that you are of an age to see it, and that you’re emotionally capable of handling it.

You find the content you find behind this warning disgusting, horrifying, upsetting, triggering? You consented. You said you could handle it, and you were able to back out at any time. You take responsibility for yourself when you click through this, and so long as the creator used warnings and tags correctly, you bear full responsibility for its impact on you.

“Children are going to lie about their age” is probably true, but that’s the problem of them and the people who are responsible for them, not the people that they lie to.

1) chosen to go onto AO3 in the first place

2) chosen the fandom you wish to read about

3) had the chance to filter for the things you do want to see like a specific pairing or a specific AU

4) had the chance to specifically filter out any tags you don’t want to see like, oh I don’t know, incest and non-con and dub-con and paedophilia

5) had the chance to set the rating level if you wish to remove any explicit content at all

6) have read the summary of the story, which aren’t always great but are the only indicator of what the story will be like writing wise so something about it was good enough for you to click on it.

7) have read the tags of the story which will tell you what is actually in the story. If you have used filters to remove stories with things you don’t want then there shouldn’t be anything in here that’s a shock to you but maybe there is. That’s why the tags are there for you to check for yourself.

8) Then you have to actually click on the story. You cannot see anything other than the summary or the tags without personally deciding that you are going to open and read this story.

9) Only here, at step number nine, do you get to the adult content warning pictured above. You have been through eight different steps, the last six of which have also been opportunities for you to see that this has adult content. And AO3 has *STILL* stopped you to ask one last time “are you sure you want to read this because it has things that only adults should see in it”.

If after this point you are reading incest and paedophilia then it’s probably because you specifically went looking for it.

how it's going

Also.... Grimal reminds me of a quote from Babylon five. "I have seen it in a lot of survivors of the war, they aren't trying to be heroic, they are just looking for somewhere to die."

arresting a dragon

running through the streets of ankh-morpork naked

running through the woods of uberwald naked and fighting off werewolves with his bare fucking hands

telling the ancient personification of darkness and vengeance to fuck off

“Well, Reg, tomorrow the sun will come up again, and I’m pretty sure that whatever happens we won’t have found Freedom, and there won’t be a whole lot of Justice, and I’m damn sure we won’t have found Truth. But it’s just possible that I might get a hard-boiled egg.”

arresting an entire war

the ginger beer trick

reluctantly acquiring yet more titles, being embarassed

responds to being told the watch can’t interfere with the aforementioned war by handing in his badge and raising a militia

just no fucking clue how boats work

That! Is!! Not!!! My!!!! Cow!!!!!

giving up all hope of returning to a future with his wife and child to stay in the past and fight in a revolution he knows he can’t win because failing to try to help people is utterly antithetical to the fundamental state of being Sam Vimes

“when the shouting started she knew Sam was alive and well, because only Sam made people that angry”

if anyone’s setting fire to this city it’s going to be me (ankh-morpork has burned down at least twice already at this point)

arresting fucking Havelock Vetinari

“I’ll teach him to walk! I’m good at teaching people to walk!”

getting annoyed at the idea that the assassins are no longer willing to accept any amount of money to kill him

defusing a riot with a cigar and a mug of cocoa

throwing fucking Havelock Vetinari over his shoulder

all of the international incidents because he’s fundamentally incapable of not being salty to The Man

despite being The Man

telling Vetinari to shut up

Vetinari shutting up when Vimes told him to

stopping all of ankh-morpork’s traffic because reading to his son before bed is infinitely more important

getting obscenely rich, hating all of it except the bubble baths

“Who are you, pray?” “The law, you sons of bitches!”

“How dare you? How dare you! At this time! In this place! They did the job they didn’t have to do, and they died doing it, and you can’t give them anything. Do you understand?”

arresting himself

every single fucking noir and western and cop movie one-liner

having so many near-death experiences that Death calls them “near-Vimes experiences” and brings a book along

fistfight on a ship being hit by a river tidal wave in the middle of a storm

“a watchman is a civilian you inbred streak of piss”

gleefully pointing out to the assassins that he does in fact technically own the place

the sam vimes “boots” theory of economic unfairness

fisticuffs on the ROOF of a SPEEDING TRAIN

SHIRTLESS

he TORE HIS SHIRT OFF

TO FIGHT DWARFS

on the ROOF of a SPEEDING TRAIN

having the entirety of the police force across the world named after him - “sammies”

having a tiny policeman inside his own head because he doesn’t trust himself

eXTREMELY PROTECTIVE OF HIS WATCH FAMILY

knowing beforehand what the treacle mine road lads were going to do to him and turning it back on them by stealing the inkwell back - and making them all wonder who he’d frame for it

“it’s a half brick in a sack, sarge” “i’m saving up for a house”

constantly striving against his own ingrained prejudices!! even when he really struggles, he tries to always be inclusive!! 

raised on the Mean Streets but secretly Soft

loves! cushions! the more pillows the better!

every time his alcoholism is addressed

literally becomes his own mentor

can’t do anything without being extra as fuck