only alive bc of vegan chicken nuggets

black cats are wonderful because you can stare into the void and not only does the void stare back, sometimes it trots up to you happily and begs for pats

the void is loud and wants chicken

You are so full of blood jacob now youre just being selfish

ah yes, the four main food groups: chinese takeaway, coffee, carbohydrates, and pussy

the real secret to immortality? not dying. you want to be immortal? ok. easy. just don’t die. that’s it. refuse to die. there you go

“but how” you may ask. easy. just don’t do it. refuse to. say no thanks

-When I talk about my girlfriend, straights think she’s just my friend

here’s a hot take: giftwrap is dumb, 95% of the time you can just hand someone the thing and accomplish the same task. Society has conditioned us to love wrapping shit up for no reason, probably by gift wrap industry people.

Counterpoint: monkey instinct says uncovering secret bounty from colorful shell good as fuck

HOWARD?!?

charlie brooker literally said in the post-emmys interview that he initially tried to write san junipero about a heterosexual couple and it kinda sucked and he switched them to a same-sex couple and it immediately became much better and also easier to write and he finished it with ‘so that’s my writing tip’… the only true ally

ah yes, because everything gay is automatically better. //s

it sure is bitch!

I cAN’T BELIEVE i used to think I was a straight girl

lmao i thot this was a joke but where is the lie

This is just good advice for life in general.

why is this the purest

French written like it’s German