[Now the first day that I met ya
I was looking in the sky
When the sun turned all a blur
And the thunderclouds rolled by
The sea began to shiver
And the wind began to moan
It must've been a sign for me
To leave you well alone
I was born without you, baby
But my feelings were a little bit too strong]
There was not a single soul in Hawkins who didn't know the name Steve Harrington.
Or at least, that was the impression of the town that Eddie had received growing up; you were either old enough to know Mr. and Mrs. Harrington, young enough to go to school with their son, or you were caught in the middle hearing about both.
So yeah, everybody knows who Steve Harrington is. However, Eddie only sees him for the first time in the late summer of 1978. As far as he knew, Steve had been out of town for the entire season and the town had practically exploded with his return. Eddie remembers all the fuss that his friends and all the other kids his age had made, something in Steve had changed, they said, if he was cute before he was now handsome, and with that the admiration and envy clouded the minds of all the teenagers in Hawkins. He also remembers how annoying it was, he didn't understand why a simple rich and surely spoiled kid could cause so much fuss.
The day Eddie officially met Steve Harrington, he was walking around the town with a small group of guys he used to hang out with when Ronnie wasn't available, looking for something to do or an adult to scare. It had been unbearably hot all day and horrible clouds had begun to cover the horizon. Eddie was looking at the sky, watching the storm approaching quickly when one of the boys nudged him, pointing across the street discreetly.
There was another group of teenagers passing by, but Eddie didn't notice anything really distinctive about them at first glance. He turned to his own group in confusion, but they were all focused on watching the others.
"What exactly are we looking at?" He asked angrily, hating that he was the only one who didn't understand the situation.
"It's Steve Harrington, idiot, can't you see him?" One of them replied.
"Come on, not you too! Let's see, which one of them is he? Now I'm curious." Eddie feigned indifference, but the truth was that said curiosity had been with him for a long time.
"That one over there, right in front," they pointed out, and okay, maybe they hadn't been exaggerating that much.
Eddie couldn't help but stare at him, but you know, back then everyone was ogling Steve like owls. It was only later that some of them learned to dissimulate. The small group was entering a shop, chatting happily amongst themselves and ignoring the eyes that were following them. Steve seemed to be the leader, by the way he moved and how the others responded to his gestures. He was confident and his laugh was loud, making his eyes narrow until they almost closed and his cheeks blush. Eddie felt something strange in his stomach as he watched the other boy, and a chill ran through him when their eyes connected for a second. However, Eddie attributed that reaction to the wind that had started to blow around them; the sun already hidden behind the heavy storm clouds.
In retrospect, all of that could have been a sign.
“It's not fair, I wish I was like him, man. He already had money, a big house. Now he'll win in puberty too? He will get all the chicks.” Grant said and he wasn't exactly wrong, but it still made Eddie frown and finally stop staring at Steve like a creep.
“Don't be a fool, you don't need to be like him. You, and we all, are just perfect as we are, none of us need to change.” Eddie said with the conviction and confidence of a child who repeated the wise words of his uncle, “besides, what's worth all that… charm if you don't have a brain? I bet he doesn't even have a personality and just does whatever everybody else tells him to do, he's just another little sheep in the flock that does not know how to think for himself. Exactly what we don't want to be, or do we?”
The boys shrugged noncommittally, and Eddie shook his head in disappointment; Ronnie would have agreed with him.
But the truth is that Steve Harrington was, in fact, a delight for sore eyes, and Eddie couldn't quite forget him after that first glance. It didn't help that Steve was literally everywhere.
School started, and Steve was there, during class, at recess, at the table across from him in the cafeteria. If Eddie went to get ice cream, there was Steve, if he went to the fair, there was Steve, at the music store, and even the comic book store with his friends, though Eddie never saw him buy anything from there. If he just went for a walk, boom! Steve. It seemed like now that Eddie had seen him once, he ran into him at every possible corner.
At this, Eddie has no choice but to take a deep breath and ignore the boy, which although difficult with all the gossip about him and his ever-growing popularity, was not impossible.
Either way, he actually had things to focus on. He had learned to play guitar and spent hours practicing, that passion only rivaling his passion for DnD and his campaigns.
And it was something for which he would be forever grateful to Ronnie, because if it weren't for her he would never have gotten close to Kenny, he would never have gone to their silly meeting and he would never have discovered his second great passion.
His uncle had been worried at first, during the first months when Eddie seemed unable to do anything other than play DnD or talk about it. But Eddie managed to calm him down after a couple of talks in which Eddie promised not to spend so many hours away from home and to dedicate a little more of that time to his studies, a true tragedy.
Somewhere between his hobbies and school, Eddie discovered that he really liked writing. He wrote songs to accompany his guitar melodies, wrote stories for his game, and at some point (thanks to his English classes) he started experimenting with poems as well. Sometimes it was fun, and sometimes a way to vent when something was bothering him.
So, with all his hobbies, his classes, his uncle and new friends, his attention was pretty much diverted from Steve, although the guy always seemed to be in the corner of his eye, and without him realizing it, time passed easily.
However, after a while, Steve started hanging out with a certain type of people, who to no one's surprise, were the ones who enjoyed bothering the type of people Eddie hung out with and was himself. This served to put a clearer line between the two boys, and Eddie no longer felt so neutral towards Steve. While being a grade ahead of the boy kept him from causing troubles to Eddie, he really resented the way Steve treated his friends.
Some of those thoughts eventually came out in the form of verses and speeches that he imagined himself shouting in front of everyone, hidden in the last pages of Eddie's notebooks. Little did he know that it was only just beginning.
Being a year older only gave him a bit of an advantage. He spent a year without seeing Steve every day (although he still saw him more than he would have liked), and in that time Eddie did some great things. His group got a little smaller, as Kenny, along with about half of his friends, graduated and only saw each other in their free time or on the weekends. And then Kenny passed on the mantle of leader of the Hellfire to Eddie of all people, and together with those who still shared his classes, they officially founded the Dungeons and Dragons club. It was amazing.
But even though people came and went, there were constants like Ronnie, and those who decided to stay like Dougie and Jeff. And that's how the band formed. Besides, there would always be more sheep to recruit from among the new students.
He just didn't realize that Steve would be among this new wave of opportunities until it kinda exploded in his face.
The guy made a triumphant return to Eddie's life when he entered high school and joined the basketball and swimming teams. Only now was he followed by Tommy and Carol, the three of them seemingly inseparable. So, there he was, more popular than ever, and arrogant too.
Steve already had his followers in middle school, but with the encouragement of his two cronies, this group just kept getting bigger. Which Eddie wouldn't have cared about at all, you know, if Tommy hadn't been all over him, making life miserable for him and his friends every time they saw each other. So yeah, once Steve Harrington and his court got to high school, they not only took over the place, they painted a huge target on Eddie's back, and what had just been one or two random bullies picking on him every now and then turned into hateful glances and mockery from every fucking jock in school. And punches, too.
And despite all that, the King himself seemed completely unaware of Eddie's existence. Which was really frustrating, he admits.
And look, Eddie was no athlete, physical strength was nowhere near one of his skills. But those bullies had him pretty tired after a couple of months, so in his own way and taking advantage of the bad reputation he'd been earning, he found a way to ward them off. It turns out that, despite all the bravado and muscles, teenage jocks can be pretty superstitious, and Eddie and his friends found a new way to have fun by scaring them. That's when Eddie discovered that he could actually be pretty intimidating if he tried, and he didn't have to hit anyone even once.
The problem was that that fame actually extended not just to his bullies, but all over school, and soon, just as Steve and his court had become royalty, Eddie and his group had become (officially) the outcasts, the weirdos, the criminals, Eddie being The Freak himself. Just as shadow is born from light, if Eddie wanted to get poetic, to maintain the balance of the school hierarchy.
But somehow, somehow Eddie can't understand, one day he finds himself writing prose inspired by The King, like one of those girls that follows Steve everywhere.
Oh, he was so infuriated, so angry with himself.
He tried to stop, obviously, because there was nothing more pathetic than writing poetry and songs about the popular guy who would never ever look your way.
But there was something about him that for some reason no one talked about.
Something that captivated his attention and wouldn't leave him alone.
Something that forced him to write only about it. Everything he could think, every word on his sketches, were about Steve Harrington.
He felt he was under a spell of some kind, because Eddie was literally incapable of writing about anything else. Steve had crept even in his campaigns, taking the form of kings and knights, over and over and over again.
But he had to write, they needed songs for their band, and they needed campaigns. And, whether he liked it or not, Steve was a productive source of inspiration, and most of the lyrics were actually pretty good.
There were adventures and tragedies, there were ballads and epics. A lot of backstories, characters that were both for songs and campaigns.
So he let himself write, and write and write. He kept the most sappy ones to himself, but they did use a lot of his lyrics. Thank gods, the guys were able to make some pretty decent changes and modifications.
In his sketchbooks he rambles about details that, although obvious and unavoidable, he would have preferred not to notice; like the way Steve's parents were never in town, about the way he drove himself to his house when he fell ill. The way, sometimes, when he just let everybody talk around him and remained silent with a distant look in his eyes at his parties. Eddie wondered about what the King was so immersed in. The absolute devotion and wonder in his eyes when he looked at Nancy, like he couldn't believe what was right in front of him. The way he looked really happy for once after they started dating. How hurt he looked at whatever happened between Nancy and Byers. The black eye and all the other bruises that, supposedly, Jonathan Byers gave to him. All the fiasco of the theater's billboard.
And then, that weird tension on his shoulders after that fucking weird week and the ends of '83. How he stopped talking with his old company, the way the parties stopped completely, how he only spent his time with Nancy, and sometimes with Jonathan of all the people. How he (and this wasn't meant to Eddie to listen, but it was accidental, ok? He wasn't stalking) went to have dinner with Nancy and Barb's parents after the girl disappeared. Multiple times.
All the rumors of the fallen of the King, and how Steve didn't give a shit about it all the time that it lasted.
All the shit that went on at that Halloween party. He looked absolutely devastated then, Eddie was there to see it himself. He didn't share that verses with his bandmates, though, it was impossible to deny it was Steve who he was talking about.
The problems with Hargrove, and once again, bruises and black eyes all over his face.
How, at his own graduation, his parents weren't there, and neither was Nancy, but a little group of kids yelled loud and happy when he came to the stage. Eddie couldn't help but write about his astonished face and the smile that replaced it almost immediately.
All those things, which no one seemed to notice but which stood out in Eddie's mind like a sore thumb, haunting him like a ghost. Yes, how often Eddie wished he could be as oblivious as the rest of the world. That the sweet ignorance he prayed for would bless him once more.
And then, thank gods almighty, Steve disappeared from Eddie's life.
And so did his inspiration.
He spent whole months without hearing or seeing Steve Harrington, he spent whole months free of his presence. It wasn't as good as Eddie thought it would be.
All he wrote sounded nostalgic, and melancholic and fucking cringe. It was horrible and he destroyed almost all of his work as soon as he realized how it was going to come out. He decided to dedicate his time to his sweetheart, learning new songs. It was distracting and more fun than diving on his somber thoughts. Eddie thought it was the fault of his feelings about having to repeat the year once again.
Then just when Eddie was getting used to the idea of never seeing Steve again, school started again and Steve alongside. Not physically, ‘cause his place was now being reclaimed for Jason Carver, who was not even half as interesting as the previous king. But King Steve's new adventures reached him through the mouths of his new, little and impressionable sheep.
He was the one to blame; Eddie knew that, because he had recognized the kids. How would he not, when they were the protagonists of one of his best songs.
Three of four joined him. The redhead that now lived next to him in the trailer park was ignoring all of them. Eddie had his suspicions as to why.
They were amazing kids, and they were as passionate about D&D as he was. But they wouldn't shut up about Steve, especially Dustin.
They portrayed him as the knight in shining armor that Eddie himself had written Steve as, but couldn't reconcile with reality.
It wasn't possible. All that was in Eddie's sketchbooks and mind were nothing but fantasies.
And that's how they had to stay, because if that made-up Steve was brought into the world and merged with the real Steve, the wall Eddie had so carefully built around certain... feelings would crumble, and then he would be screwed.
But the kids kept talking, telling stories about Steve's bravery, his chivalry, his new friend, his antics at the mall and how he had protected them during the fire.
They brought up old stories too, but with new, and somewhat unbelievable, perspectives.
Dustin, despite Eddie's endless protests, took the time to tell him individually about his new job and how he believed Steve was either in love with Robin or still head over heels for Nancy (Eddie had composed at least three poems about the way Steve used to look at Nancy and had created an entire campaign around a king and the devastation that swept through the kingdom after the betrayal of his queen. He had said that he had been inspired by King Arthur. So, he thought he knew the answer but kept it to himself).
Somewhat against his will, they showed him a whole new side of Steve that Eddie hadn't gotten to see during his reign and subsequent downfall.
And Eddie, through clenched teeth, found himself writing again.
It wasn't as much as it had been before graduation, and it still had a melancholy air, but these new writings had a spark that wasn't there before. A childlike wonder and something like affection that made them better than before.
He refrained from letting his new wave of inspiration flood over his campaigns again, however, the children would instantly notice.
His inspiration had fully recovered during the fall, when the days had gotten shorter and the kids needed someone to drive them home from Hellfire meetings. They were admittedly reluctant to go out alone at night, Eddie had noticed.
He had offered a couple of times, but the kids had told him they had it figured out. Their driver was, of course, Steve.
The man had also started bringing some of them to school when it was too cold, along with Robin, the girl from the band. And Eddie had seen him drop Max off a couple of times, though they always went alone. One memorable morning, nearly giving him a heart attack, he had walked out of his trailer to stumble upon Steve's BMW parked right there, across the street. He was just picking up the redhead, of course, but Eddie's heart had only calmed down once he found himself in his first class. It was ridiculous.
So, Eddie had to get used to Steve's constant presence again. And his imaginative brain hadn't wasted any time.
By the time winter came, they'd passed each other in the parking lot enough times that Steve had started waving at him when he saw him. Eddie had hardly believed it the first time it happened, and to his embarrassment he kinda ran away without returning the greeting.
For some reason, he'd started keeping most of his lyrics and stories to himself after that. They were good, but Eddie found it oddly embarrassing to show them to anyone else.
One night Wayne said he was in the mood to rent a new movie, and Eddie knew what he would have to do the moment his uncle mentioned it. So the next day, shortly after school, he drove to Family Video, his nerves on edge. He could easily go to another store, but he was morbidly curious about what it would be like to actually talk to Steve for the first time and this was the perfect excuse.
[You never said you love me
And I don't believe you can
'Cause I saw you in a dream
And you were with another man
You looked so cool and casual
And I tried to look the same
But now I've got to know ya
Tell me who am I to blame?
I was born without you, baby
But my feelings were a little bit too strong]
When he entered the store, there were several customers scattered around the place and an old man was keeping the cashiers busy, so Eddie was able to slip through the shelves, looking for the movie his uncle had mentioned. He didn't find it, but choosing one similar (in title at least) he walked to the checkout, watching as a girl walked out the door with an indignant expression. Robin tried unsuccessfully to hide her giggles, while Steve turned his back on her.
Eddie stood in front of them and cleared his throat. They both turned to him, Robin raising both eyebrows in surprise, looking him up and down, but Steve just frowned at him, leaning his hip on the counter.
"Hello Buckley, Harrington," Eddie said, sounding cheerful in an attempt to forget his nerves.
"Munson," Steve said curtly, and Robin gave him a small push on the shoulder.
"Ignore him, he's grumpy because he just got rejected," she said, receiving a betrayed look from Steve. "So you're the famous Eddie Mundon, huh?"
"The very same, in the flesh, my lady," Eddie replied, bowing. Steve's expression remained the same, but Robin seemed very cheerful at his antics.
"We've heard a lot about you," Robin informed, "I'm glad to finally meet you."
"Same here," he replied, somewhat put off by Steve's lack of participation in the conversation. Placing the tape on the counter, he spoke again, "The boys have talked so much about you that I had to come and check it out for myself."
"Oh, do I want to know what they said?" Robin asked suspiciously, but Steve just rolled his eyes and snorted as he headed to the back room. They both stared at the empty space for a few seconds before Robin shook his head and dismissed his partner's behavior as childish, at which Eddie forced a laugh.
They talked for a bit longer, until Eddie paid and left with the tape and an exaggerated wave, promising to meet again.
Robin was nice, but he couldn't help but feel that the whole interaction was a failure. He didn't know what he was expecting exactly, Steve had always ignored him, and a few kids in common didn't have to change that. But the long-distance greetings had given him the impression that they could at least be friendly with each other.
He had been wrong, as Steve clearly didn't want anything to do with him yet.
He crushed the hope that had been growing inside him without Eddie knowing and resigned himself to never experiencing what the kids were clamoring about Steve Harrington for himself.
He didn't try to get close again.
Though Steve kept waving at him at the parking lot, with the addition of a little smile. But Eddie won’t fool himself again, so he tried not to be in the place at the same time and when it was inevitable, he acted distracted and like he hadn't seen Steve.
That was, in fact, childish, and so stupid. Because Steve wasn't aware of anything that passed through Eddie's mind, and Eddie knew it very well. But he just couldn't help it.
It was as if Dante tried to talk to Beatrice, after all his fantasies had been confirmed, just to realize that she was kind and gentle to everyone except him. That he was the only person who wouldn't experience the marvels of her.
Just that Eddie wasn't in love with Steve, of course. Listen, Eddie wasn't stupid, ok? After all the ramblings of the kids and his -now secret- writings, he had accepted that what he had towards Steve was something like a celebrity crush, bright yes, but trivial and fleeting. And that was all it was and all it would ever be. So, the analogy worked because of the admiration at distance, the idealization of a stranger, and the inspiration that it brought to him. It had nothing to do with love.
It had been a good thing, though, like a bucket of ice water. It had helped him get his thoughts under control once again, since the Steve Harrington thing had been spiraling out of control since the beginning of the school year and hadn't let him think rationally.
Another thing that changed after his visit to the video store was the “hey Eddie!” that resonated through the school’s halls every time that Robin spotted him. They didn't see much of each other, and didn't try to change that, but she looked happy to see him when it happened, so Eddie corresponded.
Time passed and found Eddie discussing with Mike and Dustin less than a week before spring break.
Barely hours before their great final of Vecna’s Curse. And they were telling him that Lucas wouldn't make it, because of the basketball game.
Naturally, a little part of his thoughts deviated to Steve and blamed it on him. Harrington's influence was showing on the boys once again.
Eddie was angry. So, he denied the petition to delay the game and didn't even try to find a solution to their problem, leaving it for the kids to solve.
That same day, something even weirder happened; Chrissy Cunningham, the current school’s queen, cheerleader's captain and Jason Carver’s sweetheart approach him, wanting to make a deal.
She wasn't fine, not even close. It was so obvious that Eddie wondered what the hell she was doing in school in that state. It reminded him of the 83 and how scared and jumpy Steve, Nancy and Jonathan were after that week. Just that Chrissy wasn't as good at hiding it.
She looked so fragile and small. Eddie wanted nothing more than to hug her and assure her that whatever was upsetting her would turn out alright. It would be weird, though, because they didn't know each other like that, so instead he opted for distraction, and his heart did something funny when she laughed.
Eddie felt weirdly protective about her then, and for once understood Carver's behavior toward the girl. What he didn't understand was how someone like her ended up with someone like him.
And wondered too, when Chrissy said she remembered him and his band, if somehow, maybe the girl would take Steve’s place in his mind and become his new Beatrice.
Then she refused his attempt to call off the deal and instead asked for something stronger. Needless to say, Eddie was feeling hesitant. The girl was in bad shape, and he knew drugs wouldn't help her, if they didn't make her situation even worse. But she was looking at him with a desperation he'd never seen before, and he'd dealt with his fair share of desperate people. Her eyes told him he was her last hope, and Eddie didn't have the heart to say no.
So, he promised to help her after the game that night, and though it hadn't quelled her nervousness, she seemed a little more hopeful when she left.
At least he'd have until the night to decide what he was going to do about the Chrissy Cunningham case.
Of course, she didn't abandon his mind until Hellfire started, and the kids showed up with a girl even younger than them. Eddie’s doubts were quickly smashed by her attitude and accepted that she was worthy of his respect.
Erika brought glory to her party in a memorable way, and Eddie was just a little sad that he wouldn't be in school anymore by the time she entered and definitely joined the Hellfire Club.
When it was all over and both his club and the basketball crowds had dispersed, Eddie found Chrissy waiting for him near his van, much more nervous than she had been that afternoon, swaying on her feet and looking around as if something was going to suddenly appear and eat her alive.
Eddie had decided that he would take her to his trailer, but he would try to convince her to talk instead of just giving her what she had asked for, he would talk to her, would make her laugh again, and then, depending on how things go, guide her thought a little weed for help her to relax before take her to her house.
But he ended up not having the chance.
No, instead he was witness to the worst thing that could happen to a human being, something impossible, straight out of one of his horror stories.
And he couldn't do anything but run. In the middle of all the chaos that was his mind, it occurred to him that Harrington wouldn't have run, he would have tried to help.
But he wasn't Steve Harrington, he was Eddie Munson, and it was well known that Eddie Munson was a coward.
Blinded by fear and guided purely by instinct, he ended up running through the woods, his van abandoned in the middle of the road. He wasn't sure where he was headed until Lover's Lake appeared in front of him, and on its shore Refer Rick's house.
He hides in the boathouse, barely breathing and with the heart beating so fast that it seemed like it wasn't beating at all.
Eddie was now able to understand Chrissy's unstable state, as he was in the same or even worse condition.
He wondered if this was what had happened to her, had she witnessed something like this… his thoughts automatically shut down as he tried to understand what had happened to him, to her.
He spent the rest of the night torn between being unable to stop vividly seeing Chrissy floating in front of him and fearing that he would be next.
Curled up inside a small boat and covered completely with the tarp, like a child pulling his blankets over himself in a vain attempt to protect himself from the monsters in his closet, Eddie couldn't sleep a wink that night despite his exhaustion, his mind racing and every sound startling him to the edge of hysteria.
Then, when finally felt himself relax a little bit, there were sounds outside. In less than a second, his brain was flooded with adrenaline once again and he was unable to process anything other than the door opening and something approaching him. His hand was tightly closed around a broken bottle, his body tense and ready to jump at the slightest sign. He held his breath in an attempt to keep whatever was lurking around him from noticing, but something pushed him hard and without a second thought, Eddie jumped and pushed it back.
It took him a few seconds to process what was really happening. The thing was actually a group of people, and they were screaming. And it wasn't just any group of people, it was Dustin, it was Max and Buckley. It was Steve Harrington.
It was Steve fucking Harrington whom Eddie had pushed against a wall and whom he was threatening with a bottle against his neck. Those same brown eyes that had inspired so many poems looked at him in terror while his owner was completely still, barely breathing in an attempt not to hurt himself.
Dustin's voice slowly reached his brain, his tone soft, meant to be reassuring. He forced himself to tear his eyes away from Steve and glanced at the boy out of the corner of his eye, his hands raised as if he were dealing with a frightened animal. He said something that made Steve drop an oar Eddie hadn't even noticed he was holding. The sound of the thing against the ground startled him, and he couldn't help but press harder against the neck of Steve.
That finally forced the other boy to find his voice, muttering hurriedly, strangled "cool, man, it's cool."
“What are you doing here?” Eddie asked without moving, searching in Steve's face. Dustin answered and then begged him to let Steve go once again, all of them swearing that they meant no harm, but when Eddie tried to move he realized that his body was stuck with tension and fear, and the only movement that was possible right then was forward, the broken bottle through Steve's freckled skin.
Everybody kept silent, expectant, nervous. Then, in a fast impulse that surprised everyone, even him, Eddie pushed himself away from Steve, finally, finally relaxing on the opposite wall.
Things just went downhill from there.
Eddie focused on Dustin, and only then, when he was saying it all out loud, was that he could really process what had happened. Chrissy was really dead.
And he had abandoned her.
Next day they were all back again, with more bad news, if that was even possible.
But Eddie had found himself kinda accepting all the madness that was surrounding him. What he didn't accept though was that Steve, the king Steve, his Beatrice Steve, was involved in all that shit from the beginning.
Eddie finally had the full picture of what had happened in '83, he finally had the story that was, at least partially, behind the weight on Steve's shoulders. The empty spaces in his writings that he could never find words for.
Eddie wanted to laugh, his world was shattering around him and he was thinking about his stupid bad poetry, about fucking Harrington. Because, of course, there was where his mind would go in the middle of a crisis.
Everything started and ended with Steve Harrington.
But the alternative was to cry over Chrissy and how he did nothing to help her, like a little baby. So, Steve it was.
And things didn't stop there, he was a fugitive, and another student was found dead. Nancy was involved, Max was a target and almost got killed too. Jason and his gang found him, Vecna caught Patrick, right in front of Eddie again.
Eddie wondered if he was marked somehow.
He was running through the woods again. The guys meet him in Skull Rock, and he finds himself a little wobbly and in disbelief at the fact that Steve was not only paying attention to him, but was talking directly to him (when necessary, but it was something). More than that, he was showing genuine concern for him.
And they were going to find a fucking portal to hell. That was pretty amazing too.
Then they were in the middle of the lake, right where Patrick had been murdered.
But of course, his stupid brain decided to focus on Steve, and the fact that he was fucking undressing himself. And at least two verses popped into his head, about the way Nancy was looking at him. Four more about how Steve volunteered himself, actually insisted, on going to find the portal to another dimension at the bottom of the lake in the middle of the damn night.
His pathetic heart skipped two beats when Steve threw his yellow sweater at his face right before diving on the black lake. Robin didn't let him have his smoke, though he needed it desperately after that, almost as much as he needed a pen.
He was amazed at how much he freaked out when Steve was dragged down into the depths, and he hated himself a little more when he found himself paralyzed again. The girls went first; because of course they were all equally crazy. But apparently the craziness was contagious, ‘cause he was following not much after.
What happened on the other side was… well, Eddie for once didn't have the words to describe it, what he saw, what he did. But, Steve was amazing, to no one's surprise. Actually, it was beyond amazing, it was fucking metal.
They found a big rock to hide after that, where Nancy bandaged Steve's wounds and tried to keep the blood loss under control. They were looking at each other the same way they used to in high school, but there was something off about it.
Something that Eddie couldn't figure out, because suddenly he was taking off his vest and throwing it at Steve without thinking, ruining their moment.
They decide to go to the Wheeler's house to find Nancy's guns. Which, what? The girl was showing to be more and more amazing as the time went by. No wonder Steve loved her.
But for some reason, despite the eye contact between her and Steve, Nancy was oddly interested in spending time with Buckley.
Which left a small window of opportunity open, and after a few minutes of walking Eddie was surprised that Steve was taking advantage of it. He got nervous when he felt the younger man next to him, what could Steve want? They haven't had time to talk properly after the ‘pinning you against a wall and threatening to kill you’ thing, and Eddie admits he didn't get any… violent vibes coming from the other per se, but they hadn't exactly been friendly before all this madness.
To double his surprise, he did not move away from his new companion. Sure, he had decided not long ago that he wouldn't try to approach Steve again, but circumstances had changed. It was Steve who was making the first move this time. And they were in fucking hell, damn, what could Steve say that would make the situation worse?
A lot of things, actually.
But, Eddie discovered, he wouldn't say any of that.
Steve just wanted to thank Eddie for saving his ass? Eddie protested, but it didn't end in a fight, instead Eddie’s little heart was bubbling with joy at how willing Steve was to be open with him. He told him how metal his act with the bat had been. He shared a little information about Ozzy and rejoiced at how Steve actually listened to him, instead of just ignoring his ramblings. Eddie mentally kicked himself several times for continuing to be dragged into the other’s personal space, but Steve wasn’t reacting in the negative way Eddie had expected. In fact, his eyes had softened after mentioning Dustin and remained that way for the rest of their conversation. It was so much more than he could have ever imagined (not that he imagined that sort of thing often, that would be pathetic of him).
He had made Steve smile, and even laugh a few times already and he wanted to do it again before his walk through hell was over, so he thought of what could make him happy and that was how he ended up mentioning Nancy, how she had thrown herself into the water without even thinking about it. He wanted to let Steve know that there was hope, that he could still get back what he had had at school. Nancy loved him and had proven it in spades.
But Steve remained silent during his speech, and the smile he showed him when he mentioned love was more melancholic than anything else. Eddie didn't understand.
He hadn't realized how close they were until an earthquake forced them apart. When they stabilized again, Steve spoke as he waved at the girls in front of them wanting to communicate that they were okay. They waved back and continued walking.
"I know Nancy loves me, I love her too and I always will.” Eddie had to look away at that; for some reason he didn't want to recognize, it didn't feel good to hear the confirmation of something he already knew. “But, what we had? That ended a long time ago. Things happened to us that wouldn't let us work as a couple, we actually hurt each other a lot… but that made us stronger as friends. Plus, we're different people now, we… I want different things”.
Steve whispered the last sentence and Eddie thought he wasn't meant to hear it, so he just nodded and let the silence fall over them.
After a while Steve spoke again.
“I wanted to apologize, actually,” he said, and Eddie frowned, but Steve continued before he could ask why. “That day at Family Video, when I kind of ignored you. It was shitty of me, I was in a bad mood and the whole jealousy thing didn't help, but you didn't really do anything to deserve that. So yeah, sorry.”
“Oh that” Eddie forced himself to say and shrugged his shoulders dismissively, "I didn't even remember that anymore."
“Dude, you literally stopped saying hi to me after that. You pretended you didn't see me and never came back to the store. Robin was so mad at me for that”.
Eddie was blushing hard then, he didn't expect Steve to have noticed any of it. “Technically we never said hi to each other…”
“And I had nothing to do in the store anyway, my uncle returned the tape and we don't really watch many movies that we don't already own, so…”
Steve was smiling at him now, kinda exasperated kinda fondly. It was a familiar smile, but then again, almost all of his expressions were familiar to Eddie.
“What about pretending not to see me?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at Eddie.
Eddie blushed more and gasped trying to find something to say, but after a second Steve took pity on him and pushing their shoulders together said, “it's ok, an eye for an eye, and all that… but we are good now, right?”
Eddie sighed relieved, “yes, we are good.”
They discovered a lot of things in the Wheeler's house, but the most important was how to get out of the Upside Down. So they all biked to his trailer after talking with the kids through the magic lights.
But just when Eddie thinks they've made it through, Nancy stops moving and her eyes turn blank.
It was happening again, just like Patrick, just like Chrissy. It was happening again… but this time they knew what they had to do, so he tried to put his fear under control and help the others find something that Nancy could like.
At the end, none of his tapes helped them, but Nancy woke up by herself anyway. And she'd had news.
They wandered through Eddie's trailer for a while, trying to think about what to do next, but having the portal right there was distracting and kinda terrifying, so they decided to go to Max's, where there was food and no portal.
The next day Eddie finds that Steve is being much more clingy than before, not that he is complaining, but is distracting and with all the new proximity Eddie can't help but flirt. To his surprise Steve just looks evaluative and not disgusted, which is no good because it just encourages Eddie's bad habit.
His head is boiling with words, phrases, whole verses, his fingers trembling and shaking, desperate for a pencil and a piece of paper to write on. But it's not the time for that, so he ignores the urge, and tries to focus on the plan.
They stole a trailer, went to War Zone and prepared themself for the battle in an open field. Eddie got distracted then, and for the first time in days his thoughts left Steve, left Chrissy, and he couldn't focus on anything but the impending death, looming on the horizon. And he was shocked to realize how much he feared, not just for himself or for Steve, but for all the other people around him, for Max and Lucas and Erika, for Dustin. They were all so small and the whole situation was absolutely ridiculous, unfair. Where was his powerful, meddling government when they needed it?
Dustin, as always, managed to get him out of his head, and they ended up sharing a small moment that was much more meaningful than Eddie had expected. But he wasn't exactly surprised, the kid walked around with his heart on his sleeve and always managed to make Eddie feel comfortable enough to do the same.
He wanted to talk to Steve again, but between preparations time flew by and soon it was time to put the plan into action.
[Now the whole wide world is movin'
'Cause there's iron in my heart
I just can't keep from cryin'
'Cause you say we've got to part
Sorrow grips my voice as I stand here all alone
And watch you slowly take away
A love I've never known
I was born without you, baby
But my feelings were a little bit too strong
Just a little bit too strong]
Suddenly, they were in the Upside Down again, and Nancy, Robin and Steve were saying goodbye. Of course, it was right there when Eddie's brain clicked, and he almost bursts a laugh there watching Steve talk to Dustin as if they were sharing their last words, then almost bursts into tears at the absurdity of the situation. Of course, Eddie Munson was going to realize he had been in love with Steve Harrington for fucking years just moments before their certain death.
Steve was talking to both Dustin and Eddie now. It didn't change anything of course, even if he had known about his feelings long before. At most he would have left more embarrassing poems behind, but he was a coward who wouldn't have acted on it before and wouldn't do so now either. Even with Steve's gaze fixed on him much more insistently than before, as if he was waiting for something.
“Absolutely. I mean, look at us. We are not heroes.” Eddie agreed with Dustin.
Steve seemed like he wanted to protest, but he didn't say anything and after a second just looked down. As Steve and the girls started walking away Eddie felt uneasy, like they both had unsaid things between them. Could they live with it if something went wrong?
“Hey, Steve?” Eddie called in a spark of bravery that extinguished at the same time that Steve looked back. He didn't even know where to begin with, what to confess exactly and they were running out of time. So finally, he just backed down.
A “make him pay” came out, along with a glimpse of Chrissy’s smile shining on his mind, and he realized that at least he meant it. He wanted Vecna to pay for everything that he put them all through.
Steve seemed disappointed, though, but a fire was burning in his eyes when he nodded firmly.
Eddie stood there, just watching them walk away, with a fire burning in his chest for the words he wasn't brave enough (once again) to say.
A song came into his mind, and without even thinking he started to whisper: “…I just can't keep from crying', 'cause you say we've got to part. Sorrow grips my voice as I stand here all alone and watch you slowly take away a love I've never known…”
“I was born without you, baby…” Dustin’s voice surprised him then, bringing Eddie back to reality. Even then, it took a lot of effort to tear his eyes away from the other group, which were almost disappearing in the distance.
When he looked at the kid beside him, it was only to be met with an expectant gaze. So when he sang again, it was with a completely different energy.
“But my feelings were a little bit too strong” they sang together and almost screamed “Just a little bit too strooooong”.
Dustin ended it playing imaginary drums while Eddie played his air guitar, and after a couple of seconds they both exploded into laughter.
“That's the song you're gonna play?” Dustin asked, going back to the trailer.
“No, that's… nah, gonna play a new one. Don't think you know it yet, but it’s amazing, you’ll love it,” Eddie said following the kid back to work.
Things were a big messy blur after that. Dustin and him prepared the trailer and installed all that was needed for his show on the ceiling, then they waited, but not as long as he wished they would have to. Soon his brain was being filled with the familiar adrenaline that his fingers moving all over his sweetheart's chords released into his body. He let himself get lost in the song, his body moving out of muscle memory alone. And for a second, just for a second, everything was alright again.
But he was abruptly torn from his reverie when Dustin shouted beside him that they only had 30 seconds left, and just like that reality came crashing back in mercilessly. He was struck by the contrast, having the situation reversed like this, where before the songs had transported him to a world with magical creatures and far from his mundane reality, now it was right there where his mind went to escape, far from the dangers of this alternate dimension they were trapped in.
In the distance, in the dark sky, a swarm of demobats could already be seen flying furiously towards them. Eddie tried with all his might to ignore them; his song had to be perfect until the last second if it could really be the last thing he played.
So he continued, and 10 seconds passed. Then another 10 and, as soon Dustin announced it again a third time, he stopped his song and the two of them jumped out of the ceiling and ran into the protection of the trailer.
In the end it wasn't enough.
But it helped Eddie discover that he could leave his cowardice behind if he really tried.
As he writhed under the horrible sensation of their tiny teeth tearing at his flesh, helpless to do anything to stop it, Eddie's mind wandered back to what always tormented and distracted him, the source of his annoyances and his pleasures, his muse. The love of his life, apparently.
He wondered how he was doing, were they winning? His sacrifice had been enough? Was Steve dying too? Was he already dead? Whatever it was, he knew he wouldn't live enough to know. God, he hoped he wouldn't. It was so horribly painful and seemed to have no end.
He hoped that whatever situation Steve was in at the moment, it was free of any pain.
He remembered Max then, and wished her the same. Being free of pain right now sounded like the fucking paradise.
Eddie felt his throat strain one last time, but the screams had long since stopped. It was futile.
At least he was sure that Dustin was safe and sound.
Suddenly, he was surrounded by silence. Have I finally died? He wondered. But it couldn't be because the fucking pain remained. Eddie opened his eyes, but they were so full of tears that it was impossible to discern anything above him, there was no movement though.
“Eddie!” The scream echoed around, and he was too gone to say if it was close or far away. He heard it again and again, and again. Then he felt something touch his face and tried to scream when his body started to be moved.
“Eddie, Eddie, o-oh my God, Eddie listen to me” the voice sounded desperate and Eddie forced himself to open his eyes without knowing when they had closed again, there was a form next to him, right in front of his face, but he couldn't see it yet. “It's Dustin, Eddie, listen to me, we did it, okay? We fucking did it!”
He tried to respond, but nothing came out of his lips but blood.
“Ok, ok, say nothing! Say nothing, you'll be alright, ok? T-the others are on their way back, they will help when they arrive, you just need to hold on.” He felt Dustin move around him, held him tight but barely, too down in the pain.
“Dust-dus…” Eddie tried, but his throat was hurt and there was blood on his mouth that didn't let him speak without coughing. He was too tired to cough.
“It's fine Eddie, you'll say it later, just don't move,” and Eddie was completely disoriented, but even in his state he could tell how broken the kid sounded. He remained in silence, completely still and growing numb to the pain now that it was something more constant. He could hear Dustin sob over his chest with more clarity after a while.
He must have passed out at some point, because the next thing he knows, he's being gently patted on the face.
“Eddie, wake up! Come on, I know you can hear me, come on.” The voice comes to him as a soft whisper, almost like a prayer, bathed in urgency, and Eddie recognized it immediately, despite having believed that he would never hear it again. He opened his eyes with incredulity, though his vision was still a little blurry.
“Bea-?” Escaped from his lips in a hard breath.
Steve's face melted into an expression of relief as he got not just a reaction but an answer too, his hand then cupped Eddie's face, caressing his cheek for a second, “yes, yes it's me.”
If Eddie wasn't sure before, now there was no way he wasn't dead or at least delirious with fever. “Steve…” he had to breathe again, hissing for the pain, “my Beatrice… Tell me, are you here to guide me through paradise?” His voice was rough and so low that he didn't believe it was heard, but Steve shook his head with a small chuckle and caressed his face again.
“You’re not dead Eddie, and you won’t be either.”
“I think I might be delirious. What my eyes see, what my ears hear, can't be true.” Eddie replied, wanting to say so much more but unable to, lacking the necessary energy.
“You are safe now, we all are. We are gonna get out of here and everything will be alright.” The younger man assured, and all things considered, it should have been harder to believe. But it was Steve the Brave saying it, so Eddie couldn't help but accept it without further question.
“Now listen, I need you to focus on my voice, ok? We'll need to move you again, the wounds aren't much worse than mine, but you've lost a lot of blood.” He flinched at the thought alone, and tried to complain, but Steve interrupted him. “It’ll pass, I promise. Just stay with me, will you? Nancy will do it as fast as she can.” The hands were now in his hair, his bandana long lost. It was dark, but he could swear that there were tears running down Steve's face.
Then he was being moved again even before he could give a response, his sides exploding in burning pain, finally drawing a loud scream from his battered vocal cords. He wondered if they would ever recover.
“Sorry, sorry! I know it hurts, but we need to bandage it and stop the bleeding.” Steve was holding his head against his chest now, one hand blocking the view of his own torso and the other pressing down his arms, which were moving uncontrollably in an attempt to get away from the pain. Steve kept talking to him, he knew it, but couldn't hear his words through his own desperate screams.
His wounds were burning hot and he could barely breathe, all he wanted was to lie still again, but the hands that were holding him kept moving and pushing in all the wrong places.
“Hold on, focus on my voice. You can do this Eddie, just a little bit more…”
But he couldn't and soon everything was pitch black again.
jacobvanloon
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
romaincrisis
andulkaphoto
dailybridgerton
