someone will kill him with a zipper

Hi, its me. The warmest creature in the world. I love you. Im the warmest creature in the world and I love you so much and I need to be in your lap right now. Yes, I know about the heat wave. That's okay though because I was already the warmest creature in the world so I don't mind. I love you and you need to let me sleep in your lap right now. I'm soooo warm and I love you sooo much. If you say no you'll be saying no to a thing that love you. Let me sleep in your lap. When I fall asleep I get warmer. I love you

I think it would be really wonderful if seagulls were constructed more like bottles with a mystery inside. What I'm imagining is that were you to catch one, you could then unscrew its face and there would be a glowing gem nestled in some sort of socket. The Core of the Gull so to speak. Then you could swap that around with other seagulls, and after screwing the faces back on they would fly off as if nothing happened. Hm... Is this too esoteric, or do some of you see what I am getting at?

if you use wise old sage voice your opponents cannot counter your arguments because they would look less wise than you

nip over to troy, bit of rough and tumble, big horse, bish bash bosh, back home to ithaca. simple as

when your bread comes out unexpectedly green because of the mallard reaction

throw me to the Market and i'll come back pregnant

to mete out justice, and only to mete out justice. when justice is served, he who blocks with his left hand shall unblock with his right. @buttheadofhampton, your sentence has been duly carried out in accordance with my law. you may once again drink of my wisdom, and learn all i have to teach you

some books i like because they're about how i, specifically, am a stupid idiot moron

actually a lot of good concept and character fiction is basically about making you understand a guy who is demonstrated to suck