Crazy Cat Lady In Training

"please advise" is the professional email equivalent of "girl help"

seafloor shimps only a little $12.50!

older gentleman just gave me a lecture on how when I decide it’s time to find a wife I need to buy myself a pair of loud colorful socks and sit around with my legs crossed to show my ankles and women will flock to me

This was before they invented Chris Evans, but I'll still accept the title.

the name "theresa" is so funny like. theres a what

i hate nerves and anxiety. oh nooo i am scared of acting like a weird bitch to remedy this i will act like a weird bitch

i know it's an example of me taking idioms too literally, but the phrase "when you have a hammer everything looks like a nail" never fails to make me imagine something like when that lion in madagascar starts hallucinating all his friends as slabs of steak

shinzo abe day was incredible. still not over seeing all the rumours about what happened, joining everyone in wondering how the fuck a shotgun assassination could have happened in japan, and then seeing the first photo of the doohickey

Stop being so incredibly funny on my impossible puzzle post

fun fact! did you know that you can gain extra ‘forbidden time’ by staying up late in the night? but Watch Out

Shit this is great! You can get so much done if you don't sleep!

THE CONSEQUENCES

almost peed my pants today when my bf told me about this dude in his hometown who dressed up like ryan gosling in Drive every day (including driving gloves) but did not own a car. bf was like “yeah we called him Walk”

This reads like an exhausted doctor explaining that no, you fucking moron, vaccines do not cause autism.