Desiteratum

Draco: "Aries?"

Y/N: "Mm... no..."

Draco: "Mars."

Y/N: "That's aggressive."

Draco: "Pollux?"

Y/N: "Sounds like what gives you allergies in the spring."

Draco: *inhales sharply* "Castor."

Y/N: "Like Castor oil?"

Draco: "Saiph."

Y/N: "Will his sister be the Dangerous Malfoy then?"

Draco: *glares through his eyebrows* "Atlas?"

Y/N: "We're naming our son after a map?"

Draco: *sighs* "Sirius."

Y/N: "Are you really being, though?"

Draco: "I am trying to provide our heir with a name that commands respect according to the Malfoy tradition and you’re treating our family tree like a pedestrian comedy routine! Honestly... it's nasty."

Y/N: "Ah! Why not Torcularis Septentrionalis?

"And when we have a daughter we can name her Corona Borealis--Aurora Borealis's ugly sister.

"Mensa Musca Mickey Mouse."

just for fun, please don't be disappointed

Though she had originally come from the modern world, she spent many years in middle earth and had buily a new life for herself. She grew into a strong warrior, conquering many great evils with her willpower and prowess.

She had become recognized by many dwarves, elves, and men for being a skilled warrior. But while many days were filled with conflict, many days were filled with peace.

Warnings: None. (Not yet edited. Please excuse any grammatical errors or misspellings.)

.

The first time you met Clone Force 99 was on Kamino, when you came to visit Shaak Ti. She was like an older sister to you, and after she began overseeing the training of the clones, she offered to give you a tour of the training facility whenever you wished.

After arriving on Kamino, you were just a bit confused about directions. No one came to meet you at the door--with this being a spontaneous visit and all--but you tried your best to navigate through all the corridors, not wanting to look lost as you had the attention of a group of cadets that were passing by. They whispered amongst themselves, curious if a special event or a training session was on the schedule for today. Jedi never came to Kamino without a reason.

Another group suddenly entered the corridor. They wore black and grey with red paint, but what you noticed most besides the unusual paint job was that they were all different shapes and sizes. One of them looked like an absolute unit--super tall, super muscular. You could hear his loud and raspy voice from the other end of the corridor. The few that had their helmets off didn't even look like clones. The one in their group who wore goggles was more lean, less muscular, but taller than the standard clone. But even though you were curious, you had your own agenda to follow through with.

"Excuse me?" Their lively conversation came to a pause and they turned to look as you approached. "Would any of you happen to know where I could find Master Shaak Ti?"

The one most near you took his helmet off. The black tattoo covering half of his face caught you slightly off guard. He didn't look any more like a regular clone than the others. With the tattoo and the red banana wrapped around his forehead, he looked just as decorated as his armor.

The few seconds of eye contact that you hadn't realized passed came to an end as he tried to answer your question. "She-"

"She should be running through battle simulations with the cadet squads right about now," the one with the goggles answered your question before the first soldier had a chance.

"Okay, thank you," you nodded your head in farewell, smiling as your eyes quickly brushed over each member. You made an effort to acknowledge the last one since he had attempted to help you as well.

You turned around but paused before taking another step, realizing you had no idea where the battle simulations took place. Turning around once more, you added, "Um... where is that?" You looked nervously between each member. The fourth clone still had his helmet on, but you could just sense his indifference and the cold gaze he must have been wearing.

"Is this your first time on Kamino?" The clone with the face tattoo asked.

"It is," you nodded with an apologetic expression on your face.

He turned back to the group momentarily, "Go on ahead. I'll meet you all back at the ship."

"Yes sir," the one with goggles replied, then three of them left through the door you had just come in through.

He began walking and you followed. "Allow me to escort you there..." he trailed off, slowing his pace. "Uh... what should I call you?"

"Everyone just calls me Master (L/n). I hold no official position in our military. I do solo missions mostly, and assist wherever I'm needed."

"Pleasure to meet you, Master, (L/n). I'm Hunter. Sergeant Hunter, and back there"--he nodded at the entryway before it disappeared around a corner--"was my squad, Clone Force 99."

"Nice to meet you as well," you smiled. "If you don't mind my asking..."

"You want to know why we don't look like regular clones?"

He's probably asked that question all the time. You nodded.

"We're an experimental force, our different looks are the result of the changes in our DNA." Hunter stopped walking once you both had reached one of the lifts. He pressed a button and when the door opened, he motioned for you to go first.

"Thank you." You entered and took a step back when he followed to press the button for the third level.

As the lift ascended, you continued the conversation. "So... 'mutations;' that would explain why that one guy in group looks like two clones merged into one." You smiled, amused.

"Wrecker," Hunter clarified. "His mutation gave him the strength of a rancor," he joked.

"And the rest of you?"

"Well, Tech, the one with the goggles, would describe his mutation to be his 'exceptional mind.' He knows everything about anything. Then there's Crosshair. He's the best sniper and gunman in the galaxy. His aim is never off." Hunter smiled, enjoying showing off his team.

There was a pause as you expected him to continue, but he didn't.

"What about you?" The lift door opened and after you exited, Hunter lead the way once more.

"My heightened senses. I can sense electromagnetic waves," he said casually.

"How long have you been in action, Sergeant?" You hoped he had caught on with your curious nature, not wanted to seem like you were challenging their experience.

"About a year and a half."

"I would love to see your squad in action one day," you admitted, "to fact check your claims, of course." You felt the need to add a little joke, not wanting your first statement to seem flirtatious. Jedi weren't supposed to be as warm and friendly as you were naturally. Unfortunately, your kindness had earned you unwanted attention in the past.

"You should know, Clone Force 99 has a one-hundred percent success rate." A smooth, accented voice came up from behind you.

"Master Ti," you turned around and smiled.

"(Y/n), you came at the perfect time. I have just finished training the cadets for the day." She then looked to Hunter and greeted him, "Sergeant, I hope your squad is well."

"Yes, Mistress, as always."

"I'm glad to hear." Shaak Ti turned back to you. "Well, (Y/n), shall we begin the tour?"

You nodded before looking up at Hunter and thanking him for going out of his way to help you navigate.

"Anytime, Master (L/n)."

"May the force be with you and your team. I hope you maintain those figures."

There was a moment of silence, and you could see a confused and slightly judgmental look on Shaak Ti's face in your peripheral vision. Even Hunter was silent.

Blood rushed to your head and you were sure your face was red with embarrassment when you realized what it sounded like. "I meant your statistics. Your averages. Your one-hundred percent success rate!"

Hunter said nothing, but the corners of his mouth turned up in amusement. "I figured," he took a few steps back, preparing to leave. "We will do our best to maintain both of those things. I hope your time on Kamino is enjoyable," and with that last goodbye, he left to return to his team.

You covered your face with your hands, but Shaak Ti could see your body shake with laughter. A few seconds later, when your hands came down, she saw actual tears in your eyes. "That was so embarrassing," you whispered in between breaths.

Get off your phone when you're with friends! What's wrong with you? Why are you texting friends when you have one right in front of you?? Give your friend your undivided attention 🙄🙄

You have plenty of time to answer messages later!

But see, like.. exceptions can be made for sharing memes

Nightwing: I usually enjoy going out on patrol, but... tonight sucks. It's been four hours and still no progress!

Y/N: I've never heard someone complain about a lack of crime... *eats a Taki*

Nightwing: *chewing* But this is Gotham!

Y/N: *munching loudly*

Nightwing: .....

Y/N: .....

Nightwing: Can you please stop chewing with your mouth open?

Y/N: At least I don't talk with my mouth open!

Nightwing: ......

Y/N: wait.....

Y/N: I meant chew-

Nightwing: Don't....

Y/N: "Thank you for walking me back."

Bruce: "My pleasure."

Y/N: *sees shadow inside her house and pauses* "I think someone's inside the house.."

Bruce: *creeps over to porch silently. Looks at Y/N and points to his eyes with two fingers then points at the rooftop, forming a plan.*

Everyone pray for the people on Ocean Gate's Titan. Just on Sunday, the submarine descended two miles below the water to take a tour of the Titanic. Each of the five members paid 250,000 dollars for this trip that has just become a nightmare.

The submarine has gone missing and though teams are racing to find them in the dark, rough, high pressure ocean, they are beginning to believe that they may be too late. Earlier, it was estimated that the submarine has at least 30 hours of oxygen left. Banging can be heard in the area where they went missing.

Among them exists the CEO for this company, a british business man, a French Diver, and a Pakistani businessman and his young adult son.

Y/N: Well, *walking out of Wayne Manor* this was fun. Thanks for inviting me!

Bruce: My pleasure. I look forward to eating together again soon.

Y/N: *Suddenly turns around.* Mr. Alfred? Could I just ask one favor? *anxious expression*

Alfred: What might that be?

Y/N: Could you please say, "a bottle of water?"

Bruce: ......

Afred: .......

Y/N: ......

Edward: *walks into kitchen*

(Y/n): Oh hey! Would you mind handing me the uh...

(Y/n): I forget what it's called....

(Y/n): .. Albino broccoli..?

Edward: ......

So I see a lot of these everywhere, and I just feel the need to speak out about something.

Now I understand why people write and read these, but these type of fics just come to a point where it's not okay.

Occasionally I'll see fanfictions that have rape or sex slave kinks with x reader fanfiction. It's not glamorous or okay to imagine being sexually violated. Sure, it may seem "okay," because you like that fictional character, but what if it really happened? IRL?

I know people, myself included, who have experienced some level of sexual violation and it's very traumatizing. To glorify it in this way, with fanfiction, personally annoys me. I respect everyone's freedom to read and write what they want, but we have to be careful about what we're promoting as a community. Especially in light of all the date rape and misogynistic issues we face today. Is this really something we want to be promoting? Why not write about respectable men who respect women?

Not to mention, isn't it disrespectful to the actors who play these characters? Imagine if you were an actress and you found out that men were masturbating to your photos or imagining f-ing you. If you feel uncomfortable when you get cat-called in the street or stared at by men, you ought to be HORRIFIED at these fics, in my opinion.

(Just for fun.)

After you both came home from a long day at work, you hopped into the shower while Edward went into the kitchen to make dinner. Less than half an hour later, he heard a ringtone coming from the living room and looked over his shoulder to see your phone lying on the coffee table, unguarded.

A spark of curiosity appeared in Edward, although he didn't want to disrespect your privacy. He turned his head and stared at the hallway that you had disappeared into earlier, holding his breath to hear whether or not the shower was still running. It was, and hesitantly, Edward walked over to the coffee table. He looked at the caller ID and was extremely displeased to see that it was Harvey Dent. He wasn't surprised though. You both had been going out a lot recently. Sometimes Harvey would come over and Edward would do everything he could to make sure you and Harvey were never together alone.

"Mr. Dent!" Edward had answered your call on impulse, faking a friendly tone. "How are you?"

Edward heard a scoff on the other end of the line. "Nygma.." The barely concealed annoyance in Harvey's voice suggested that he was expecting this. "You know, I don't think (Y/n) would be very pleased if she knew that you were answering her calls now too."

"Well, thank you for your concern, but we're enjoying a nice and quiet evening at home and she didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment." Edward lied. "Oh! (Y/n), do you mind putting another log in the fire?" He talked to you as if you were there.

"Yeah, Nygma, very funny. I know what you're trying to do. I see the way you look at her and I know that you like her, but guess what? I like her too, and she likes me. When will you accept that?" The way Harvey's voice softened made Edward clench his fist and glare at nothing in particular. It was as if Harvey was explaining something to an incompetent child.

"It's rather bold of you to assume that (Y/n)-" Edward was interrupted by the sound of a door creaking open. Quickly, he hung up, leaving your phone where he found it and going back into the kitchen as if he was only cooking the entire time.

"Hey, Ed," you greeted him.

"Hello, (Y/n)!" He smiled.

You picked up your phone. "Did I get any calls? Harvey's supposed to be calling tonight."

Edward would have said no, but your call history would say otherwise. "Yes, he did. I told him that you were unavailable at the moment and he said he would call again later." Another lie.

"Oh.. well, thank you."

"You're absolutely welcome." Edward smirked to himself.

--------

After dinner, Edward put on your favorite show and set out your favorite snacks to go with it. He knew almost everything about you - the things you loved and the things that made your blood boil. He knew you much better than Harvey Dent did.

Edward sat back on the couch, smiling whenever he saw you looking at your phone, waiting for a call that would never come. This way, maybe you would realize how much disappointment awaited you in your possible future. Being the District Attorney, Harvey would never be able to give you the attention you deserved. Maybe you would realize that you needed someone who valued you and put you first. Someone who loved you not just for your pretty face, but your mind.

--------

It was a weekend, two in the afternoon when the doorbell rang. Edward stood up to answer it, rolling his hands into fists when he opened the door to see Harvey Dent. "Mr. Dent, please come in," he sighed. But Harvey didn't even wait for Edward to finish, he was already walking into the apartment.

"Mr. Nygma. We need to talk."

"Do we?" Edward walked away into the living room as if he had something better to do. But he was followed by Harvey who was wearing a serious and focused expression that he probably also wore in court. Edward paused, standing still as he crossing his arms, looking quite uncomfortable.

"I'm getting tired of this game and I want it to stop." Harvey began.

Is he going to stop seeing (Y/N)? Edward thought. His forced, polite smile became real for a moment.

"Today, I'm going to make it official and ask her if we could start a serious relationship. If you truly care about her, you'll respect that."

"Of course." Edward seethed. How dare he! But soon the anger was replaced by disappointment and hurt. Was he really losing you so quickly?

"Good." Harvey lightly smiled and slapped Edward on the back.

Just at the right moment, you walked into the apartment, just returning from the grocery store. You set down the bags and looked surprised when you noticed them. "Harvey? What are you doing here?"

"We have a date today." He walked towards you with a dreamy smile. "You didn't get my text?"

Edward casually took a sip from his coffee. He had deleted that text from your phone.

"No, I didn't." You looked confused and embarrassed. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Do you still want to go? I was just thinking we could stop by that one ice cream place and walk around the city."

"Yeah, that sounds fun." You smiled.

Edward walked up to you two. "(Y/N), I want you to know that Harvey and I have worked things out and we're on good terms now."

"Oh, that's great!" You were very aware that he didn't like Harvey. It was obvious. And although you tried to be courteous, Edward's consistent interruptions of your and Harvey's time together and the "discreet" rivalry between the two men became vexing after a while.

"Right, Harvey?" Edward called him by his first name, getting a strange look in return.

"Yes. He respects that we're dating and understands that you are an independent woman who can make her own decisions," Harvey told you, but it was directed more to Edward as a warning. "Anyway... shall we go?" Harvey let out one of his warm smiles and grabbed your hand.

"Yeah, let's go." Edward put his arms around your and Harvey's shoulders, making sure that he was in between you both.

If you and Harvey were going to go out, Edward had to at least tag along. He would make sure that Harvey would never ask you to be his girlfriend and he would make sure that this date was the least romantic one you've ever had.

The three of you headed out the door, confusion written on your face and annoyance written on Harvey's.

(Just for fun.)

"Checkmate!" Your roommate exclaimed with an exciting smile, even though he had just won three times in a row. Edward always beat you and now, you hardly bothered to put effort into winning. Honestly, the only reason you played at all was because it was his favorite game, other than riddles.

You both sat in the living room of your guys' apartment, next to a small stack of board games that Edward had laid out. This was something that had been incorporated in your night routines, unless one of you were too tired to play.

"You're smart, but your intellect is no match for mine," he teased.

"Pfft. I don't really care. There's plenty of things I could beat you at."

"Oh? Like what?" he smirked.

You thought for a moment. "Wrestling. I could easily take you down."

Edward chuckled as he continued the stare down match you both were having.

Suddenly, your phone rang.

Without breaking eye contact, you grabbed your phone off of the coffee table and answered. "Hello?"

Edward felt his heartbeat quicken. Right now everything was perfect. The sound of raindrops tapping on the windows created a cozy atmosphere, especially when combined with the dimmed lights and warm tones of the apartment. This was his favorite pastime, especially now that he was playing with you,  

"Oh, hey, Harvey."  

When Edward first met you, you were patiently sitting in the corner of the GCPD. The sad look on your face prompted him to talk to you, and of course he began the conversation with a riddle. Although shy and reserved, you managed to answer correctly, and after a few more, you had Edward's interest.

"Tomorrow? At six o'clock?" You broke eye contact and began staring at the hardwood floor in thought.

Edward found out that you had been arrested after getting caught shoplifting. You justified yourself, saying that you had only stolen food. You were hungry, but had no money. Edward further pried into your life and living situation and eventually decided to take you under his wing after finding out that you were sleeping in an abandoned building. He pleaded with the Chief of Police to let you go and argued that they were wasting time arresting you when there were psychopaths and murderers running all over Gotham. The Chief agreed and let you off with a warning, and ever since then, you had been living at Edward's apartment in Gotham with a job that you loved.

"Yeah, that works for me." You smiled, dreamily.

Edward frowned. You seemed to be smitten with the District Attorney.

"Okay, see you then." You hung up and put your phone back on the table.

"What's happening at six o'clock?" Edward immediately asked, feeling apprehensive.

"I'm going on a date."

Edward felt his heart sink. He was in love with you, but you didn't know it. He wanted to tell you but he never had the right time or the courage. "With Harvey Dent? Where are you going?"

"Yes, and to see a movie," you answered, beginning to put away the chess board and pieces.

"What movie?"

"I don't know, he said it would be a surprise."

Edward stayed silent, feeling anxious.

"Are you okay?" It was rare for him to be this quiet.

"Yes, I feel perfectly fine. I'm think I’m going to sleep now. I have to work late tomorrow." He looked so sullen.

"Oh. Well, goodnight." You watched in confusion as he abruptly stood up.

He stopped and turned around, faking a smile at you before heading into his room. “Goodnight.”

-------

Moving as fast as you could, you added all the finishing touches to your hair and makeup. Going to the movies wasn't a dressy occasion, but you liked Harvey and wanted to look your best.

You walked up to the full length mirror for the last time, inspecting yourself from head to toe. It was almost six o'clock and Harvey would soon be coming to pick you up. Feeling way too anxious, you walked out into your living room and began straightening up the pillows on the couch, trying to make the apartment look more presentable.

Someone knocked at the door and your heart raced. Harvey was here. You walked over the door and opened it to reveal... "Ed? I thought you had to work late?" You let him in.

"Yes, but the GCPD wasn't as busy as usual today. What a convenience that you're still here! I forgot my key and thought I might have to stay outside until you came back."

"Yeah..." You stepped outside for a moment, looking around until you spotted Harvey's car in the distance. You hurried back inside, shutting the door and waiting beside it, nervously.

Edward noticed your outfit and frowned. It was his favorite outfit on you and he couldn't stand that you were wearing it for someone else. "Are you wearing that?"

You looked up at him in concern. "What's wrong with it?

He shook his head. "Oh... uh... nothing. I'm sorry I mentioned it."

You looked down at your clothes, inspecting them, then quickly ran back into your room to change. It was just as Edward had planned.

He took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack, then peeked out the window to see Harvey just outside. Edward ran over to the door, opening it just in time to see Harvey's arm awkwardly hanging in the air with his hand in a fist, about to knock. Harvey let his arm drop back down to his side, slightly frowning as he looked Edward up and down, obviously wondering who the man in your apartment was. " Is (Y/N) here?"

"Yes, she is." Edward forced a polite smile, blocking the doorway.

"Well, could I come in?"

"Of course," Edward replied. But he still just stood there, making Harvey uncomfortable.

"Today?"

Edward moved aside and motioned for Harvey to come in, closing the door once they were both inside. Harvey was overdressed, still in one of the suits that he wore to work everyday.

"So, Mr. Dent," Edward began as he clapped his hands together. "It's awfully close to dinnertime to be calling on (Y/N), don't you think?"

Harvey deeply inhaled. "I don't smell anything cooking."

Edward did his best to hold in a glare. "It's frozen."

"Well, don't worry about it," Harvey crossed his arms, smiling in amusement. "I'll get her something."

"So just how long will you be gone?" Edward copied him, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. "(Y/N) and I have some important things to do."

Harvey quietly scoffed and frowned. "Who are you? Her brother?"

Edward was about to reply when suddenly you appeared, wearing a new outfit. The color brought out your kind and innocent eyes. But it didn't matter what you wore, you were beautiful and Edward wished he was the one you were dressing up for.

"Hey, Harvey." You smiled shyly as you walked into the room.

"Hello, (Y/N). You look great." Harvey greeted you with a quick kiss on the cheek, causing Edward to lose his composed expression and contort his face in disgust. Harvey didn't mind. In fact, he seemed to be ignoring Edward at this point.

"Well, shall we go?" Harvey opened the door and smiled warmly at you.

"Uh.. yeah!" You turned around momentarily to wave goodbye to Edward. He waved back, smiling longingly as he watched the man drag you away. He felt so alone already, but he knew he wouldn't be for much longer. He had planned your entire date.

-------------

You and Harvey returned, disappointment written on both of your faces.

"Wow, back so soon?" Edward faked concern. Once you were inside, he tried to close the door before Harvey could follow, but Harvey pushed it open, giving Edward a threatening look.

"Yeah, the theater was closed," you replied. "When we pulled in, the police were everywhere. They said there was a dead body found inside and apparently the dead body belonged to a man involved in one of Harvey's cases. So... they need him to report to the police station as soon as possible." Harvey helped you take off your jacket and then hung it up.

"Oh, how disappointing." Edward turned around for a moment, struggling to contain his mischievous smile.

"Well, regardless, I still enjoyed tonight." Harvey took your hand and smiled. "I'm going to head out now, I hope we can reschedule."

"Definitely." You opened the door for him. "Feel free to stop by anytime."

"Yes, feel free to stop by anytime." Edward repeated, walking up next to you in the doorway so that Harvey could see him. "We're always here."

People think the Bible is misogynist, but.... When the Israelites were oppressed by Jabin, King of Canaan, God gave Israel a judge, a woman named Deborah who was also a prophet. God told her to go to war against the Canaanites and Deborah told leader of Israel's army, a man named Barak, to gather 10,000 men. He agreed, but refused to ride into battle unless she went with him. Deborah agreed, but prophesied that because of this, the Captain of the Canaanite army would be beaten by a woman.

During the battle, God caused the army of the Canaanites to panic and become confused. So much so, that the Captain of the Canaanite army, a man named Sisera, fled on foot. 

He ran into a woman named Jael, who welcomed him into her tent and agreed to keep him hidden from Israel's army. She gave him warm milk and a place to rest, and when he had fallen asleep, she grabbed a hammer and a tent stake and pierced his skull, killing him.