In Medical Res

Feeling a lot of shame because of atypically strong sugar cravings. I'm usually satisfied by fairly modest amounts and keep a perhaps too-strict eye on that satisfaction, throwing on the brakes when I've determined the pleasure of the food has hit diminishing returns.

I can't shake this feeling that I'm Doing It Wrong. I feel like I've forgotten how to interact with my toddler. And, like, things are wrong -- sleep schedule out of whack, continued physical limitations that are only very slowly abating. But my brain takes this information and says, "Hmm. Must be my fault. Let's search for all the ways we're failing."

I can go for a walk with my son.

Post-partum with child number 2 has been a lot. I knew that child number 1 would get jealous, but the thing is, whenever people talk about that phenomenon, they talk about how it gets better. Which is good to know, but not particularly useful when it hasn't gotten better yet.

Went to my ultrasound, unclear if I was leaking because of my injury, because pregnancy, or if my water has broken. The MFM was very reassuring about just going to get checked out.

Worsened an old injury. I am very, very close to calling it and just going on maternity leave. Between contractions and a groin pull, ordinary changes in position are awful. And the groin pull involves the pelvic floor, so now my pregnancy incontinence is even worse.

Went to triage again, as I had been instructed to return if the contractions got nasty. There is some cervical change, but not enough. My husband thinks the nurse was trying to inject levity by saying I "needed to be more uncomfy." I responded that I'd been in pain for five months, so how was I supposed to tell what was painful enough?

Inside me are two wolves, both from 1965 Russo-Finnish production "Jack Frost."

I know these nails are fine, but I am crabby and I think the faint glitter topcoat I put over them just looks dirty.

Ended up in the hospital for a few hours in what turned out to be false labor.