Grin as sharp as a knife

mozzarella and parmesan is kind of like the age gap yuri of cheese

Like. Look. Listen. I have taught introductory quantum physics at a university level, and I need you all to incorporate this into your trans advocacy: There are situations where you need to make a decision to prioritize being comprehensible to your target audience above being The Most Unassailably Correct.

You can try to teach a toddler about germ theory or you can get them to wash their hands because "yucky"

Must not pick that scab off. It will not in fact get rid of the scab and just create a different scab. The scab is not done cooking yet. I am completely normal about scabs. <-gripping the edges of his chair so tightly the wood is starting to crack

just saw a "only one bed" fic with the major character death warning

#i guess that's one way to solve that problem

“This bed ain’t big enough for the both of us.”

You are allowed to find things hot in theory while also never wanting to actually do them in real life btw. You can get off on whatever wild shit in your imagination and still prefer to be very vanilla in real life. Or not want to have sex at all in real life. You don't owe the universe anything in exchange for your dirty mind.

Oh you thought I would be your golden retriever boyfriend? Sorry I’m your husky boyfriend. AWOWOOOOOROTOTOOOOOOAUAUAUAUAUAUAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAWAWAEAEAEAEAWAWAWAWAWAAAAAAAAA

it doesn't matter which country we're talking about here, if someone from any country in the world says "oh where i am from there is simply no racism", you not only shouldn't believe them, but you should actually never take them seriously about anything ever again.

Nobody calls each other “terminally online” anymore. I think that’s because everyone is terminally online now. Jobless too. And ugly as fuck. Stains all over our shirts. Stupid as well