certified nail polish drinker

By which I mean, asks used to be WAY more of the tumblr economy. They used to be more common to send, and receive, and see. They were integral to the collaborative, forum-like behavior of old tumblr communities, not even to speak on the HUGE number of ask-blogs that used to exist to only be interacted with in ask-form.

1: basic bitch level. basically an IRL animal or plant you already eat so the pokemon version is probably just as good. so this includes stuff like tauros, magikarp, bounsweet, oddish, gogoat, malamar, etc. the vanillite line goes here 100% everyone wants to eat them

2: kinda fantastical but still clearly an exotic animal or plant, likely with a 1-to-1 IRL equivalent. these are partly just for bragging rights, so stuff like blastoise, milotic, basically anything that can end up as a steak the size of your body or would be unthinkable IRL. slowpoke tails may be commonly eaten in-universe but the entire rest of the slowpoke goes squarely in here. same deal with tropius.

3: what i call the "enrichment puzzle" meals; you REALLY gotta want it, because it has an exoskeleton of solid inorganic material or is otherwise extremely unpleasant to get at. way more fantasy than "real animal". can also just be an indeterminate meat to not-meat ratio, like rhydon or anything that eats rocks to live. someone mentioned ferroseed for this and i'd like to include other weirdos of vague and bizarre constitution, like solosis, and most poison types, like toxicroak. total roll of the dice whether you get some horrible acute poisoning.

4: "why the hell would you look at this and want to eat it". definitely made of meat but WHY??? humanoid pokemon go in here: gardevoir, mr. mime, throh/sawk, gothitelle, lopunny... some are more feasible to eat than group 3 but the psychological barrier is way higher! a lot of these also have opposable thumbs so you really have to consider the risks here. includes some ultra beasts like celesteela and buzzwole, the latter of which is absolutely full of delicious red kool-aid, i promise. if you're wondering "what category is pikachu in???" it's this one. basically anything that's really, really small and cute goes here. you monster.

5: Absolutely Fucking Not. anything that's literally just metal, rock, or poison goo, so klefki, grimer, etc. also ghosts, which are usually also haunting inanimate objects and/or have a canonical thirst for human flesh. please do not eat these. do not even attempt to eat these. legendaries go here. anything that actually talks goes here. guzzlord absolutely fucking goes here even though quite frankly it should be in its own category labeled "Watch The Fuck Out Idiot!"

listen the ONLY part of a mr mime thats edible are the red spots, and thats ONLY after being properly cooked - if you bite into any part of their body while its still raw youll suffer near immediate food poisoning

luckily, just like red kidney beans, the potential toxins are easily to remove provided you take the right steps

once theyve been safely removed from their inedible surroundings, the larger red spheres are ready to begin working with - its worth noting that the smaller spots on the hands and cheeks also fall into this category, but theyre almost always too small to be considered harvesting by most professionals 

youll want to start by cutting away any flesh thats still directly touching the pale parts; when in doubt, a wider cut is always preferred. better safe than sorry ! one benefit of working with mr mimes is that, along with many others in their typing, their bodies are held together with physic energy and thus dont require deboning

the next part is going to require boiling in a large pressure cooker- some may find it a challenge to to find a pot big enough to host all the parts, so cooking them individually is fine. remember to follow the instructions to the letter

after theyve been removed and dried, an easy way to text if theyre safe to eat is to cut them in half and check the spongy center - a darkened purple core means theyve been boiled long enough, while any lighter, greenish tints means you probably needed a bit more time

once theyre out of the danger range, you can now safely use them in variety of dishes ! their almost mushroom-like texture means they absorb flavors well, and pictured above is one of my personal favorites