Welcome!

my plan B for everything is to die before it happens

Can someone please translate this I feel like it’s important

“look: i’m a sphinx”

(to the tune of uptown girl) uptown rat. he wears a very silly pointy hat

ITS FEBRUARY

I’m not your average skateboarder. I don’t “dress like a stoner.” I don’t “know how to skateboard.” I don’t “disrespect authority.” I’ve never “been on a skateboard.”

#this enrages me every time i see it for the simple fact that john mulaney would have been 15 when princess diana died #which begs the question #if he’s lying #does that mean he did it?

welcome to applebees would you like apples or bees?

that boy you just called a krusty krab? his name is patrick

Prophet