Who Knows, I'm A Racoon

Got diagnosed with autism too so that's been a journey. Good news is now I can figure out how to make things more manageable and structured around my needs. It's been pretty eye-opening ngl. I'm happy to finally have an explanation for things that I do or feel and that I'm not alone in it.

There’s also upset to still work through because many traits I’ve been complimented on having, such as independence and maturity at such a young age, came from the abuse endured, and the scars run deep. I’ve been on a long, struggling road to find who I really am, and I aim to find it.

However, those sentiments also have limits. I’m a queer leftist with experience dating from both the leftist and moderate pools. And, let me tell you right now, dating a moderate was fucking awful.

Were there good times? Sure. But any time something serious came up- even things concerning human rights- it was a shit show. It really made me realize that if you’re not siding with progression, or at the very least leaning that way, you’re complacent and only another number for right-wing conservatives taking away my safety.

I’d get sent transphobic memes because this one person in particular had good intentions thinking it would make me laugh because I’m queer and this meme is about queer people, right? But even once explaining that these memes were transphobic and not actually funny, I was met with ‘it’s just a joke’ or ‘I forgot I can’t make certain jokes with you’. I should also add that I’m an American, and these experiences really solidified that even our Center is still Right.

It really would explain a lot about my life and experiences. And the more I learn about autism, the more I find myself relating to it too much. I’m trying to navigate quite a bit now between everything going on in the world and everything going on in my life. It can seem like a lot at times, but I’m gonna keep trucking.

For a time, I even began to doubt if I was ‘really’ mixed and if I had any right to claim that I was. People would argue with me about my heritage only because of how pale I am. Now, don’t get me wrong, I fully understand my white-passing status gives me privileges, but it also erases parts of my identity.

For example, my name is clearly Not Basic White American(tm) and has led to prejudices that have lost me job opportunities to even moments of ‘oh, you’re not who I was expecting’. My name is always being mispronounced even after correction level of Not Basic(tm). I’m mixed with a mixed name, but people erase it once they see me.

Last year, however, I finally got a DNA test to hopefully put my qualms to rest. I was lost and wanted something to validate my struggles with my identity and try to reconnect with what was lost. Some familial lies ended up being revealed (another story entirely tho) but I was indeed mixed. My lineage could be narrowed down to mostly European and Native American.

So there I was, seeing my truth with physical evidence proving I wasn’t a liar or just trying to be ‘special’. But even so, I still had the struggle of if I even have a right to claim to be mixed because of how I look. I went searching and found that I wasn’t alone in these struggles among other mixed folks. I found other Indigenous folks that spoke about how it didn’t matter what I looked like, that so long as I carried the blood, it was my history/culture, too. (There were even discussions on blood quantum and how harmful that ideal can be)

And even though I have some answers, I still have many more questions. I’m on my journey of learning and reconnecting, but I at least have some pointers on where to go from here now.

Our (USA) system is so broken that even programs meant to help you won’t if you live from paycheck to paycheck. This is essentially saying that being poor means you don’t deserve healthcare. You don’t deserve medical assistance when you’re sick or help paying for prescriptions you need or rely on.

Now, to the thing I’ve noticed- I changed the way I ID my dog and it’s almost completely changed the reactions people give. Before, I used a vest very similar to this one:

(Long-ish post, keep reading for more)

  First Round: The day I received my first shot I made sure was on a weekend because of what I had heard others say about it. I rolled up, got checked in, then did the drive-thru kinda deal to get the vaccine. Waited the designated time before going home, then waited to see what side-effects I just might end up with. In actuality, I had absolutely none other than a sore arm. I just took a nap (because of how early in the morning it was) and woke up feeling absolutely fine even the following days.

  Second Round: Another weekend, another drive-thru shot, another wait, and another nap later, I again had no side-effects other than a sore arm. Even days after, I was completely fine. The soreness was also mild and just a slight inconvenience, so not even that was much to complain about.

Knowing that I am capable of connecting with others is such a good feeling tbh and learning that more than just one person in this world could care for me is amazing. It’s still in the early stages, but damn, when someone says they wanna cook for you?? Absolutely swoon worthy

  If you cannot afford to provide for a child, wait to have a child until you can. No child should have to experience hunger, homelessness, or the stress and neglect associated with poverty. Now, before the wrong idea is construed, this is not a eugenics ‘don’t let the poor reproduce’ sentiment, this is people should get a basic living wage so that if they wish to have a child, or children, they can be provided for and given their basic necessities and live comfortable lives as they grow.

  Wait to have children until you’re able to care for them the way they deserve, including emotionally- their life was not their choice, so don’t make life their punishment. Mental and emotional abuse towards children, and on some levels even physical, is too normalized in our society and I’m tired of seeing it.