xel’s realm

1. link to my writing

2. link to my poetry

3. link to my 2022 music zodiac calendar

4. link to affirmations

5. link to my face

love messages from spirit tarot spread

by @xelsrealm

where is (subject) currently actually at in love energy?

what love energy is coming in to them?

what energy are they putting out to the universe?

messages from spirit for them right now regarding love?

immediate future

the overall plan/larger narrative

messages from spirit and spirit team for (subject) in general

that i

needed to tell myself

sweet things

call my name like a lover

whisper dulcet nothings in my ear

caress the curves of my belly

and kiss the truth of my beauty

into my

own

skin

lest i find it difficult to tell

whether my attraction

is to someone’s being

or simply

to their

svelte

tongue

i’ll never leave myself thirsting for that which i can so easily provide for myself again

and i am all the more

indulgent

for it

i’m feeling very foreign

to myself.

i don’t know when it happened

but i started feeling

out of sync

out of alignment

out of me.

that scared me

so i clung to the bit and pieces of me that i remembered

the phrases and actions

i could recognize,

the behaviors that felt

so familiar to me.

but i’ve had a growing sense of discomfort.

these things which are so familiar

no longer feel right. and it

makes

me

anxious.

but anxiety is an emotion i

don’t feel comfortable in

so i construct a mental

chamber in which

i tell myself lies,

i tell myself

this

is

who

i

am

don’t

doubt

yourself.

but how do you not doubt yourself when you are changing the very fabric of who you are?

in this chamber,

i not only must convince myself

through a constant stream of lies

and dissociation

dissonance

disconnect

that i am who i say i am,

but i also must project that

claim into the world around me.

i have been posturing,

overcompensating,

overcome with hubris

so i don’t have to confront the idea that

i

don’t

know

who

i am

or where

i’m headed.

i’ve lost sight of myself

and shamed myself for it,

then painted a mask of my old self

to wear when i feel i need

some identity

some ego

to cling to.

how do i let this old version of me die?

how do i allow myself to step into my new self?