Life Sucks And Then You Die

you CANNOT read too much old timey fiction because I was playing Raft with the lads this morning and without a THOUGHT said we could sail over to another island "if the wind would consent to blow" & let me tell you. This did not pass by unremarked.

cannot stress enough the importance of having a bucket in your house. a big plastic bucket. helps with housework. helps with morale. get yourself a bucket today

actually i think buckets used to be a pretty big thing way back when too

in the beginning, the trump assassination attempts were spaced by twenty four weeks. then twelve, then six, then every two weeks. the last one, at the white house, was a week. in four days we could be seeing a trump assassination attempt every eight hours until they are coming every four minutes. we should witness a double event within seven days,

[ID: a comment reading, “My girlfriend said I drink all her water during the night (I’m by the nightstand). Used a sleep recorder app and at like 3am it recorded me absolutely slurping that shit down and pausing to say “oh that’s good stuff” before going back at it. Funniest thing I’ve recorded myself doing in my sleep” /End ID]

love the trope where an authoritative side character pointedly pretends not to help the hero they’re not supposed to be helping by saying shit like “well I can’t just let you wander around up to the THIRD FLOOR where you could just FIND THE THING YOU NEED in the FIRST ROOM ON THE LEFT. And under no circumstances should you USE THE KEY FROM UNDER THE MAT. I wish I could help you, but I CAN’T. Now excuse me, I need to take this phone call for the next 37 minutes EXACTLY.”

My doctor did that for me once. I had to get an expensive brain scan and she was like ‘do you smoke?’ and I was like ‘no’ and she was like “well that’s a pity because the government will pay for this expensive brain scan if you had been a smoker so - do you smoke?” 🤣🤣🤣 I was like ‘yes’ and she’s like ‘oh wow then this scan will be free’

Saddest thing ever is reading an academic paper about a threatened or declining species where you can tell the author is really trying to come up with ways the animal could hypothetically be useful to humans in a desperate attempt to get someone to care. Nobody gives a shit about the animals that “don’t affect” us and it seriously breaks my heart

This is how I learn there's a moth whose tiny caterpillars live exclusively off the old shells of dead tortoises.

because we would be calling attention to the existence of a species that is so infinitely worth knowing

the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not

you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot

You should never forget the Tommy Gun

now i don’t know enough about omegaverse to say anything definitively but from what i have seen it certainly looks like it emulates insects much more than wolves.

like if you’re looking for an animal with strictly defined castes and extensive use of pheromones you are looking for ants i think

one thing you need to know about 2014. is that what does the fox say was playing pretty much everywhere you went. and everybody was just relieved it wasn't blurred lines

I canot stress enough that those were the only 2 songs in 2014

@is-the-snake-video-cute looks like a coral snake (blunt nose) but double checking- is it ?

Not OTP nor NOTP but a magical third thing: I’m indifferent to your ship but your fanart fucking slaps