Don't harsh my Vibe

Abraham Lincoln’s ghost:

This student emailed her philosophy TA after getting her wisdom teeth removed and it’s one for the books

carrie fisher’s holy ghost:

“Make a stealth check.” “45.” “Your character just stops existing.”

“Now he’s gonna attack you, and—aw, fuck!” “Did you roll a nat—“ “I rolled a nat 1.”

“That’s 34 points of damage.” “I’m dead.” “You’re not dead—“

“I’m gonna cast [every AoE spell ever] on that guy.” “Hey! I’m standing right next to him!” “You’ve got a lot of HP, you’ll be fine.”

“I’m not sure you can do tha—“ “Nat 20.” “…you do that, I guess.”

“Wait, can I go ask [enemy NPC] for info?” “No, you killed him. He’s super-dead! His blood is everywhere, he’s not talking.”

“Make a persuasion check.” “Well I rolled a 2, but with my modifier it’s a 25.” “Nobody is allowed to play a bard next campaign.”

“You’re not proficient in that.” “Can I still try?” “…sure.”

“Come on guys, you almost had it.” “It’s been 45 minutes. Can you just tell us the answer?” “No. I believe in you. Now solve my puzzle.”

And, of course, the greatest one of all:

but jfc, the amount of time it takes to constantly keep people moving and make sure they’re in the right spaces and trying to come up with wording for it is always such a shock. 

Like, fuck, I made you pick up a coffee cup, you need to put it down at some point. also I can’t remember what I dressed you in, can you push up your sleeves? I don’t remember if you even have your shirt on.

I, the writer, frantically scribble down a rough map and route. “No, obvious now, but I still have to write the part where he yells–”

“I’M BEING IGNORED,” the antagonist yells and begins to flap his arms. “LOOK I AM ALSO DYNAMIC.”

“Whoa there,” the main character says mildly and begins to do squats. They pull out a weapon. “Take a look at this escalation!”

“No!” I cry, “he took your gun, like, five minutes ago–”

“Second gun,” the main character says and cocks it. Pauses. “Was I on a low squat or a high one just now?”

“HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN BLOWING RASPBERRIES?” the antagonist wants to know, still spinning.

“When did you start spinning?” I ask in despair.

favourite mick and len moments;

death: is imminent mick: hold on only one more page