egg bandit

what i’ve learned in my life is if someone is treating you poorly and youre asking yourself “what magic words can I use to make this person treat me with basic respect,” those words don’t exist and they never will.

today our zoo had an annual 21+ day where there's beer n wine stands and no kids and it turns out when you remove the families from a zoo everyone left is lesbians

A hitman who advertises his services the way a commission artist does

“Um hey guys. I’ve been hit pretty hard with financial difficulty lately. I’d really appreciate it if you’d consider commissioning me.”

Credits to the murderer

“Why are your prices so high???? I could kill him myself for free! whatever, ur not even that good at murder anyway”

Omg I love this guy’s work! He’s new and not so well known in the hitman community, but he’s so amazing and is appreciate it if you guys have him some love ❤️❤️

Support your local assassins

”um why would I pay a hitmen would I could just steal military ai and have it kill anyone I want for free”

Ai military robots can not murder like real hit men, they’re messy and lack the spirit that involves murder

I’m never leaving this fucking app.

Somehow being a person does not come naturally to me

When the post goes triple platinum in the mutual circle and you have to scroll past the same thing seven times in a row

IM SO FUCKING HAPPY !!!!!!

GRANDMA SENT ME MONEY TO BUY SHRIMPS !!!!!!!!!!

there is not a world where i would mind

At this point in think that D&D has more ardent support than lutheranism. And it's adherents are somehow even more annoying.

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST WAY TO FUMBLE SOMEONE

I am pleased by people messaging me telling me that after adding a carb or protein to their snacks or meals they feel more satisfied all day. Yes, my plan is working. People are getting through their days with less hangry.

dandelions are magic. literally tiny suns in the grass that turn into the moon and then the stars when you blow on them. fucking insane.

holy shit

[[Comic ID: Three colorful panels illustrated with markers, showing off the dandelions as the sun, moon, and stars with the original text overlaid. Bright yellow rays erupt from a scattering of sunny dandelions in the first image, spiraling into the surrounding greenery like a Van Gogh painting. Then one massive dandelion puff, viewed from below, takes up the whole night sky. White ripples surround the dandelion, making it look like a dark pond peeking through the grass. In the last, a child blows on a dandelion from a grassy patch shaped like a lily pad. From high above, we see the distinctly botanical seeds turn into stars and sparkles where the wind catches them. End ID]]

dandelions are magic. literally tiny suns in the grass that turn into the moon and then the stars when you blow on them. fucking insane.

holy shit

[[Comic ID: Three colorful panels illustrated with markers, showing off the dandelions as the sun, moon, and stars with the original text overlaid. Bright yellow rays erupt from a scattering of sunny dandelions in the first image, spiraling into the surrounding greenery like a Van Gogh painting. Then one massive dandelion puff, viewed from below, takes up the whole night sky. White ripples surround the dandelion, making it look like a dark pond peeking through the grass. In the last, a child blows on a dandelion from a grassy patch shaped like a lily pad. From high above, we see the distinctly botanical seeds turn into stars and sparkles where the wind catches them. End ID]]

There are hardly any female werewolves because they break all the classic rules of femininity. They force you to confront female violence, strength, size, grotesqueness and uncontrollability. Historically female shapeshifters always shift into something dangerous (snake) or sleek (cat) or dainty (bird) but female werewolves ignore the masculine gaze completely. They're distorted beasts that have no ulterior motive except to destroy. Nothing about them is nurturing or modest. They're the opposite of what a woman "should be." Their omission from pop culture is not an accident.