Anything that claims that it can sort all humans into neat categories is bullshit, sorry to say. The sex binary, the gender binary, astrology, MBTI, love languages, whatever. Humans are hugely complex and unique and not a single person on this earth can be accurately described using simple terms like that.

my neighbour stopped me when I was taking out my recycling, and said "when I park in front of your driveway and block it, and you leave a note on my car that reads 'please don't block my driveway', it makes me really mad." and I was just nodding like oh okay. yeah? huh.

he brought up that I should feel indebted to him bc he ‘cleared my driveway’ with his leaf blower, but what actually happened is that he gathered every leaf from both of our properties and piled it in a calf-high mass at the bottom of my front steps, which I had to wade through to exit my house. I genuinely thought he did this as a calculated attack. it did not occur to me that it was a good deed.

"well, i sure as shit ain't paying IN LEAVES to get your car out of impound when it's towed."

the self is one of the most classic guys to sabotage

annoying when shows set in the medieval period have the women with thier hair just long and unstyled and out . girl go put on your wimple girl 🤦‍♀️

how good must breathing feel when you're a whale

"being a human is so boring why can't I be one of the COOL animals" okay hey. I hear you. but I actually really super love being an omnivorous persistence hunting primate with a stomach capable of dissolving many literal poisons and the ability to smell geosmin (released in the soil after it rains) at five parts per trillion. I super enjoy being a bipedal terrifyingly agile mammal with some of the most efficient sweat glands in the animal kingdom. I find a lot of joy in being an endotherm with mimicry abilities that rival most other animals with vocal chords. it's sick as hell I'm having a lot of fun

I'm a normal human person I literally cut my fingernails and laugh at jokes like a regular human. I'm a member of the species Homo sapiens and I have been since the day I was spawned

*born

The crazy thing is, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, if you asked me on any given day "Would like to see a picture of some genitals?" my answer would be "😰 No, that's... No, thank you. I'm okay, actually." I have nothing but the utmost respect for people who do engage with the penis side of the internet, but personally, I've spent the better part of two decades doing all I can NOT to have pictures of dick and balls or sexy bikini babe buttcheeks blasted onto my retinas constantly. And yet... to be denied the penis? To have a jumped up pile of javascript tell me, a grown adult with an air fryer and an outstanding council tax bill, that I cannot be trusted to withstand the sight of a bare nipple unless I let it scan my drivers' license? I will move heaven and earth to see that fucking nipple, friend. I will walk a thousand miles barefoot on hot coals before I give you big brother bitches my passport number. A thousand miles through the desert with five VPNs just to press my face up against the glass and see the last uncensored picture of two My Little Pony Characters sixty-nining each other, and I don't even want! to look at it! But I will! I must! for the sake of our fucking democracy!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this post makes me snort every single time