Fuck John Hammond

the thing about heavy handed symbolism is that sometimes. it's fun.

mutual you didn't tell me that post you made four months ago about you wanting to fuck the water cycle had been blowing up this whole time omg I had to stumble across it on my dash already at 57k notes. you have to tell me these things

a funny thing about having a Problematic Blorbo is that you'll periodically come across a post along the lines of "um let's not forget that [Blorbo] is a bad person..." listing their various crimes, and if you have a modicum of intellectual honesty you find yourself nodding along and saying yeah it's true... but it's the greyness of their character that makes them so compelling... At the same time though you have a little Saul Goodman in your ear going "your honor in their defense: who cares like omfgggg who caresssssss like come onnnnnn"

I don’t know how to break this to some of you but someone being cringe is not a crime. It’s not even a cancellable offense. Too many of y’all have lost your sense of whimsy and now give off the energy of the popular kids in school who side eyed and scoffed at anyone different. Hiding behind the veil of online anonymity has made some of you really mean for no good reason

they should invent a cigarette that gives you vitamins and hrt and shit

TESTOSTEROEN CIGARETTE BEING SMOKED BY A BUTCH DYKE OUTSIDE THE BAR SHE SHOTGUN THR SMOKE INTO MYMOUTH I GET SO HARD I PASS OUT SMASH MY HEAD AND DIE

sorry that was meant for the tags

it’s okay. You’ve painted a beautiful and true picture

The whole "Elvis sighting" thing is hilarious because, like, the first documented career Elvis impersonators began working over twenty years before the guy even died. I wonder why a public figure who has a whole industry of people who look and sound like him would generate an unusual number of posthumous sightings? It Is A Mystery.

I miss seeing the Elvis impersonator at our local Tex-Mex place after it changed ownership. Norteño Elvis was awesome

you’re one of the three survivors after the apocalypse & the other two are visibly passing one of theirs’ phones back & forth having a secret conversation in a notes app

this feels like dragging around a mummified corpse thats dressed as a clown

AND THEN WE'LL THROW IT IN THE TIBER!

Hey…. Hey… Characters covered in blood, okay? You remember characters covered in blood?? You used to love characters covered in blood

you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life