hoo boy i love me some noggy nogs.

I kill your grandad's foes

They die incredible

Honestly it’s shameful that Ringo Starr used the once-in-a-century Elf Stones Wish to add that second “r” to his last name. Just boring

no i don’t hold onto resentment ever. Hope they die though however

just saw a pigeon doing the puffed up courtship dance thing to another pigeon, and as he was strutting around he suddenly stopped for a split second to do a very brief preen-peck at his own side, then returned to the strutting around. and i surprised myself by instantly losing respect for the male pigeon in that moment, like come on man i appreciate you had an itch or whatever but how is she supposed to feel special when you're getting distracted by bullshit like that? which on reflection i don't endorse, i mean those are pretty harsh dating norms i'm imposing on these pigeons, from a total outsider perspective, for no reason. probably not all girl pigeons are as uptight about that sort of thing as i would apparently be if i was a girl pigeon, maybe she even found it endearing who knows, i don't know her. it's none of my business really. sorry pigeons.

fool me once shame on you. fool me twice shame on me. fool me three times this has gotta be a sex thing for at least one of us

I’m gonna make u play league of legends

can you read me a bedtime post?

if u wanna fw.me u gotta be sub3 minutes on soduko

guys, if i do kill myself and never published any books or anything please copy all my best tumblr posts and arrange them into a deeply moving stream of consciousness narrative and submit it to the new yorker on my behalf. i feel like i can count on you. don't let my life and posting have been in vain

if i had a dick i would love to have a disappointing orgasm in the shower while thinking of something or someone that i felt i should not be thinking about & then stand under the water with my forehead against a wall watching the proof of my guilt & shame go down the drain

i love you gar.... my best friend gar

"if you take testosterone youll look like your DAD!! DO YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE YOUR DAD?!! YOULL LOOK LIKE A GROSS UGLY MAN YOULL LOOK LIKE YOUR DAD!" nope! adopted💖

shoutout to the guys saying "my dad is awesome itll be cool if i look like him" but especially shoutout to the guys saying "i will/do look like my dad on t and i am making him suffer for it. he is evil and he HATES that i look like him. im like him but better" yall have a powerful aura

a meba 🦠 is almost like a really really small anermal but not quite