The Human Dryer Sheet

@disastersdreamer

"hear me out" and it's a picture of the most fuckable building you've ever seen. c'mon now.

“hear me out” and it’s the fucking dildopolis

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

Happy Pride

I was built to be an anxious dog with a tongue that stick out the side and a very patient owner who makes me wear those little booties when it rains, but instead I have a mortgage. jesus christ

The communist party never really issued cards, when one refers to card carrying members of that party, they refer to Magic: The Gathering cards, a popular game among Lenin and his friends.

my camel straight up told me "man i am not carrying another fucking straw" like wtf asshole its just one straw whats your fucking issue

then what

oh

we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!

You'd unfollow me for my pitcher plant pussy post? After the beautiful night we shared???

WASNT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. PESIS IS GONE.