This Too Shall Pass

- does not cuddle his girlfriend (op) and instead uses iFunny in the year of our lord 2026

- uses weaponized incompetence to the FULLEST (@absolutewifey, look up the song Incompedance by Artimus Wolz)

- prioritizes his motorcycle over his gf’s happiness

- does not give his gf any physical human skin contact. no massages or kisses or anything

- gaslights his gf all the time & manipulates her emotionally a *shitload*

- prioritizes his motorcycle over his gf’s long-term friendships

- blames any sort of negative feelings he’s experiencing on his gf

- does the ‘if you leave me I’ll hurt myself’ manipulation tactic, and OP THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM

- treats op like his mom not his girlfriend and doesn’t contribute to any adult chores

- in that vein, behaves like his mom scolded him when he makes a mess/breaks something in his and his gfs apartment

- throws away cleaning supplies so his gf can’t clean the apartment either which feels like another level of “what the fuck” esp considering the fact he doesn’t always use toilet paper

- this dude is a manbaby and needs to go in the dumpster

- does not cuddle his girlfriend (op) and instead uses iFunny in the year of our lord 2026

- uses weaponized incompetence to the FULLEST (@absolutewifey, look up the song Incompedance by Artimus Wolz)

- prioritizes his motorcycle over his gf’s happiness

- does not give his gf any physical human skin contact. no massages or kisses or anything

- gaslights his gf all the time & manipulates her emotionally a *shitload*

- prioritizes his motorcycle over his gf’s long-term friendships

- blames any sort of negative feelings he’s experiencing on his gf

- does the ‘if you leave me I’ll hurt myself’ manipulation tactic, and OP THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM

- treats op like his mom not his girlfriend and doesn’t contribute to any adult chores

- in that vein, behaves like his mom scolded him when he makes a mess/breaks something in his and his gfs apartment

- throws away cleaning supplies so his gf can’t clean the apartment either which feels like another level of “what the fuck” esp considering the fact he doesn’t always use toilet paper

- this dude is a manbaby and needs to go in the dumpster

So for those of you not familiar with my recent descent into fishkeeping, about 2 months ago a friend of mine who does Hazardous Waste cleanup (specifically cleaning up hazardous places like meth labs) called me up and asked:

"You have fish, right?"

"...Why?" I asked, having become aware that the Fish Distribution System is even more aggressive than the cat one.

"I found a fish in the back of an abandoned trap house. Alive." She clarified.

I could feel my fate settling upon my soul.

"...Send me a pic so I can ID the species and I'll see what I can do."

She sent me a picture of a small purplish squiggle in six inches of fetid green muck. But when I arrived to collect the sludge creature he turned out to look like this:

He's difficult to photograph in focus, but he's a deep wine-dark creature with an iridescent blue sheen. The red patches on his fins mirror where the fins of a Plakat/wild Betta splendens would be, and the rest of his fins are a ghostly shimmering white. This fish was in six inches of toxic green shit.

Naturally, he needed the finest tank I could put together that afternoon.

I think I did alright.

He's so fucking cute. He always swims up to watch when anyone approaches. I've got him trained to do a little dance when I feed him. He likes watching me doing anything in front of his tank.

That's all actually pretty typical of Bettas- they're very intelligent and curious creatures and like learning, which is more than I can say for some of my relatives.

Where Upstairs Kevin (so named because his tank is in my upstairs bathroom) really shines is that a lot of Bettas are... Not sociable. They often eat shrimp, attack other fish in their tank (or get stressed out of they can't commit enough violence to maintain their personal space) or constantly harass and nip the snails in their tanks. Most Bettas are genuinely happier being alone.

Kevin fucking loves his snail (Bluebert) and will shimmy as fast as he can over whenever Bluebert falls off something (it's fine, this is a normal way for mystery snails to get from one place to another).

When I had my Nego D'Aguas in the holding tank, I had to put three of the smallest ones in with him because they were being harassed in the small tank, and he was a perfect gentleman with them. He was trying very hard to shoal with them, but they're very zippy. He was visibly upset (lethargic, dulled colors) when I moved them back to the big tank.

Today was the real acid test: I'm going to move him from his 5 gallon to the 10 gallon so I can use the 5 as a hospital/spare plants tank, and I needed to know if I could have shrimp in with him. Even Betta that are cool with other fish can still see a shrimp and decide they're at the buffet. Unfortunately, there's no real way to know without putting shrimp in with the Betta.

So earlier today, I got half a dozen super-discounted Rilli shrimp (LFS has a massive overstock of them for some reason) and added them to his 5 gallon. There are a bunch of hiding places for shrimp in there and if he was aggressive with them I'd move him to the 10 gallon immediately (I don't want to do that just yet because I need to move the furniture around in there a bit).

Friends.

The shrimp are fully swimming in the open and Kevin is just following them around, curious, but only curious. No gill-flaring, no posturing, no lunges or snapping. Some of them are red, a color that normally triggers aggression in Bettas, and he's just. Hanging out, watching them eat biofilm off the moss. One of them accidentally landed on his head and stayed there for 3 seconds and he only went "???" Until it took off again.

They're both so curious about each other.

Reminds me of my betta! He likes to sit and watch the shrimp the same way I sit and watch the tank. They don't seem to mind, either.

leg so hot

hot hot leg

leg so hot u fry an eg

*touches ground*

to draw this was a very impulsive decision

- does not cuddle his girlfriend (op) and instead uses iFunny in the year of our lord 2026

- uses weaponized incompetence to the FULLEST (@absolutewifey, look up the song Incompedance by Artimus Wolz)

- prioritizes his motorcycle over his gf’s happiness

- does not give his gf any physical human skin contact. no massages or kisses or anything

- gaslights his gf all the time & manipulates her emotionally a *shitload*

- prioritizes his motorcycle over his gf’s long-term friendships

- blames any sort of negative feelings he’s experiencing on his gf

- does the ‘if you leave me I’ll hurt myself’ manipulation tactic, and OP THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM

- treats op like his mom not his girlfriend and doesn’t contribute to any adult chores

- in that vein, behaves like his mom scolded him when he makes a mess/breaks something in his and his gfs apartment

- throws away cleaning supplies so his gf can’t clean the apartment either which feels like another level of “what the fuck” esp considering the fact he doesn’t always use toilet paper

- this dude is a manbaby and needs to go in the dumpster