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@hrkrage
John wasn't exactly sexist or homophobic. But he IS abusive. Dean feeling cagey about revealing vulnerable parts of himself to a family that always scapegoats him and denies him boundaries and acts generally emotionally abusive is really valid. Whether that applies to his queerness, gender, sexuality, specific relationships, his love of romcoms or whatever. It's all valid. Because John really did treat him like absolute crap even though he did love Dean in his own twisted inadequate ways.
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just realized cas and dean are the equivalent of this tweet
something about the way cas grabs dean in lucifer rising RIGHT before dean takes a bite out of one of the burgers always sticks with me. it brings to mind myths where eating food in a realm not your own traps you there (persephone in hell, mortals in the realm of the fairies etc).
eating the burger is dean giving up on escape, resigned to his inability to change this alone. and itās right in that moment that cas returns and pulls him out of despair, as dean so recently did for him.
people will see dean driving his own car that was given to him specifically as a gift AND which he himself ended up picking out when he time traveled, effectively making the car even more his, which is also portrayed as a metaphor for his own body and soul, and be like: hmm is this dean being an abusive control freak? š¤
I'd rather have you cursed or not is somehow more insane in the context of the scene.
What they're essentially saying is this:
Cas: Dean, I'm too afraid to go with you because I'm cursed. I always make everything worse. I know you're going on a suicide mission, but I know I will somehow make it worse. It's what always happens to me.
Dean: I know that. I know the real possibility that things could somehow go even worse than my suicide mission. Others could die too. And yet. I still want you there. I'd rather have you, cursed or not.
Cas could genuinely be the only thing always going wrong, and Dean would still want him. It doesn't even matter where blame or whatever lies. The only thing that matters is having Cas around, safe and close.
Sooo insane.
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It is always going to be so beautiful to me that in Season 4, Dean desperately doesn't want to feel anything for so long, but then he is pleading with an angel to believe in the power of hope, of sacrifice, of love.
And Castiel is terrified of feeling. He sees the suffering Dean has been through. He himself has suffered at the hands of "Heaven's persuasion." And feeling means falling.
"If there is anything worth dying for, this is it."
Dean, the man terrified of death if it brings him back to Hell and Castiel, the angel who is supposed to only feel devotion to Heaven, find something worth dying for, living for, and everything in between.
Like what do you mean that Dean and Castiel who were slowly losing faith in everything found faith in each other? And I'm just supposed to be normal about that?
would anyone read a fic abt young sam being obsessed w birds n wanting to be an ornithologist as a kid so the family gets a parakeet n dean ends up being the one having to preen it cuz sam is a snot n hes very good at it to the point where this lil ass parakeet informs this bird boy castiel of deans skills which leads to bird boy visiting dean n routinely being preened by him n they become bffs. etc
cas: Dean and I were rubbinā and scrubbinā each other in purgatory
Dean: please donāt say it like that
Sam: I applied to grad school
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buddy
dean smith starts intercepting angel transmissions during his work calls
he doesnāt, of course, know what it is, only itās definitely weird voices, and no one else hears it , and heās sure heās going nuts
he changes headset over headset and one day even shuts his office door and tries out tin foil
to no avail
i guess this very well could be cas trying to break into zachās mini fantasy fortress
heās trying to warn dean smith, which just would only serve to make dean more and more paranoid (a voice telling him not to trust anyone? to run? i mean, yikes)
this culminates in cas breaking into the world but majorly incognito, as a very āinconspicuousā character, maybe a janitor
cas ambushes the admin assistant, and apologizes profusely for the āalmost-missā
all the while fucking up the lids of dean smithās coffee
so when dean smith inevitably takes a drink, thereās -predictably- a huge (very hot) mess
cas positions himself perfectly, as the closet building mgmnt to deanās office, and as soon as he hears the pained yelp, heās on his way to clean up the coffee catastrophe
he doesnāt want to spook dean ofc or blow his own cover, so mostly heās collecting details on what might be keeping dean here (as it turns out: bobby, ellen, jo).
Oh Janitor Cas is definitely getting surprise-kissed, and heās like mmmmmmmmm? leaning pleasantly into it before he REMEMBERS
so Cas ofc breaks it off and Dean Smith panics, thinking he just dangerously outed himself and misread everything, Cas tries to soothe the distress with a half-truth, like:
āDean, if you really knew me, you wouldnāt want thisā¦ā
And that somehow backfires, bc Dean Smith gets all starry-eyed, āSo come to the hospital with me tomorrow, and weāll grab lunch afterā¦ get to know each otherā¦ā
#dean smith au
#janitor cas
#deanās world grows legs and the hospital materializes and cas finds himself meeting the spectre of dean smiths family
#and heās so charmed but also heartbroken
A few moments later:
Sam insists to Dean that he needs to do the trial alone so Dean canāt come, but then is visibly extremely anxious once he realizes Ajayās not going to be with him in hell or purgatory (aka realizing heās going to be alone).
It was never about doing the Trial alone. It was about doing the trial without Deanāproving he could.
Purgatory seems to frequently become a location for reflection, doesnāt it? Sometimes itās for wallowing in ones failures. You have to wonder what Samās thinking, anxious being alone in Purgatoryāthe place Dean was trapped in for a year while Sam didnāt look for himā¦ the guilt he feels over that that he repressesā¦ and heās about to step into hell, which is another place Dean went where Sam tried to get him out (or stop him from going altogether) and couldnāt. And then when Dean came back, there was another failureāan emotional one they donāt talk about: Samās narrative around Deanās hell trauma quickly becoming that hell broke Dean and made Dean weak (using that as justification to lie to and sideline him). Now Samās been to hell too, and didnāt do so hot with the trauma. Dean buried his hell trauma on his own but Sam couldnāt. He needed a supernatural fix. And I do think these are other ways Sam feels heās not only let Dean down, but canāt measure up, and thatās why heās so stuck on proving he doesnāt need Dean to have his back, and taking offense to Dean wanting to have his back.
Sam is super on edge walking through Purgatory (gotta be running through his mind that Dean was there for a YEAR. Sam is taking controlled breaths and itās been like 10 minutes). Then he gets into hellā¦ and all the spirits he sees are calling for their loved ones. Theyāre calling for their loved ones to rescue them.
Couldnāt save Dean from hellā¦ didnāt look for Dean when he was in Purgatoryā¦ Samās not gonna confront those failures specifically out loud, but we know what heās talking about when he breaks down about them at the end of the seasonā¦ about how heās a failure.
#followup #very important that after sam hears this woman #he says what? #i'm sorry i'm not him #i'm not him #i'm not the hero #i'm not a perfect brother #i'm not an angel
AND @shallowseeker WITH THE STEEL CHAIR
Yeah so Samās solo rescue attempt of Bobby? Bobby ends up saving him from two demons in hell. Then when they get out into Purgatory, Sam gets CONFRONTED by Bobby for abandoning Dean there.
Then Sam realizes Ajay is gone, and that Dean has had to bail them out... VIA BENNY, who has showed up to rescue them, even though Sam has been a TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT to him and Sam realizes that Benny isn't the person Sam insisted he was at ALL. So it's more stuff Sam was WRONG about and Dean was RIGHT aboutāchanges how Sam reevaluates how he behaved in Citizen Fang (where he was SO confident he was right!)
And Dean made this risky play with Benny, and Benny didn't come backāDean loses Benny and never gets to make things right with him because Benny came down there to help HIM! And the thing is... they never would have NEEDED Benny if Dean had come on the trial with Sam to begin with like he wanted!!! Because Dean knew the way to the human portal and could have instantly pivoted when Ajay didn't show! So this situation comes about because SAM insisted he could do all this alone without Dean and then he couldn't and Dean had to bail him out, and Dean lost somebody who mattered to him in the process making a risky play to help him, and it is just further and further digging into the wound that he can't manage without Dean, that Dean is the hero and Sam is not, and on top of it... that Dean is more loving, more forgiving, more selfless. He's just a better man. Like this is stuff Sam is thinking!
15.19 deleted scene & 1.08 bugs
coincidence? NOPE!!!! PATTERN!!!!!
dean literally Does this On Purpose to set a boundary when he feels he's been treated badly so jot. that. down !
Bruce Wayne is best viewed through the lens of āholy shit your parents were genuinely so hot, insanely charismatic, wild, and hot and do whatever the fuck they want, and then they combined their DNA??????? they made one person out of that??ā because then you truly understand heās just Like That.
itās not even that heās doomed to be the main character. heās just the product of two stars collapsing into each other while also fucking the butler along the way. that man was never going to have a normal life.
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purgatory "night" routine
thinking about that time samuel campbell met cas and immediately said "you're scrawnier than i pictured"
and then when charlie met cas and was like, "i thought youād be shorter"
and how in both cases it's 10000% because dean wouldn't shut up about the guy.
like clearly he was trying to impress his piece of shit grandpa with stuff like "yeah my buddy cas the literal angel who pulled me out of hell is SUPER TOUGH and BADASS"
and then later he was clearly telling charlie stuff like "yeah he's dorky this dorky little guy, y'know, i could put him in my pocket"
and those things are all true about cas btw!
but dean is obsessed with him and thinks other people should also be obsessed with him so he tailors his descriptions accordingly.
