Dean Will Never Be Your Stepford Bitch

1.11: Dean wants to go on a case John directed them toward, and Sam wants to go to Sacremento to search for John (who doesn't want to be found) with nothing but an area code. He has Dean pull the car over, then gets out and leaves. Sam and Dean later talk on the phone and apologize to each other, but with the understanding they'll both go their own way. Sam gets worried when Dean doesn't respond to his calls (because he's been kidnapped) and abandons his plan to take a bus to California of his own accord.

1.12: Sam tricks Dean into seeing a faith healer by saying they're going to see "A specialist".

1.20: Sam starts a screaming match with John over him telling them to take the next exit on the highway, while Dean complains about them both being insufferable and always getting into petty fights.

2.10: Dean begs that they just lay low for a while and take a break and think (after he reveals John's last words). Sam runs off.

3.05: Dean shoots down Sam's plan to threaten a crossroad's demon (with The Colt) into breaking Dean's contract. Sam sneaks out at night to summon a crossroad's demon anyway and threaten her, and then kills her when she doesn't do what he wants.

3.09: Sam stops Dean from killing Ruby.

3.10: Sam steals a hair off Dean's head so he can go into Dean's dreams with him and insists he is going when Dean objects that he doesn't want Sam in his mind.

3.11: Sam kills Dean at one point on accident when Dean tries to end his reign of terror with the owner of The Mystery Spot.

3.15: Sam wants to stay in town and find Doc Benton so he can use his alchemy to make Dean and himself immortal. Dean wants to go and find Bela, who has The Colt. They part ways, with Sam staying and Dean going to search for Bela alone.

3.16: Right after Dean explicitly states that he does not want Ruby to be summoned in a last ditch play to save his life, Sam summons her behind Dean's back.

4.01: Sam wants to kill the demons that threatened Dean in the diner, and Dean doesn't. Sam sneaks off at night to go back to the diner to kill them on his own, but the angels have beaten him to it.

4.07: After implying that Sam using his powers against Samhain is a joint decision and he wants Dean's feedback, when Dean objects, Sam runs off to face Samhain alone anyway, leaving Dean with several still-trapped teenagers he can't abandon to keep him from following to help.

4.09 (4.01-4.04; 4.12-4.22): We learn that while Dean was dead, Sam directly went against what Sam in 4.04 describes as "Practically [Dean's] dying wish" (4.04) by working with Ruby to hone his powers to take revenge on Lilith. He continues to work with her after Dean is brought back to life until 4.04, then picks the habit back up at the end of 4.12. In 4.14, he says that he is intentionally going behind Dean's back because Dean is too weak to be of use and is holding him back.

4.15: Dean says he can't stop Sam from having secrets, but asks Sam to please not treat him like an idiot (i.e., keep telling lies), when it's obvious that Sam is lying to him about what happened with Alastair in the graveyard. Sam very much continues to lie instead of just insisting upon his privacy.

4.18: Sam and Dean fight about Sam's lies and then because Sam wants to stay in town and face Lilith, while Dean wants to leave to escape Chuck's writing. Sam refuses to budge and the brothers separate until the end of the episode.

4.19: Sam wants to turn Adam into a hunter and Dean hates the idea. Sam first starts teaching Adam about hunting behind Dean's back, then in front of him while Dean watches on, sickened.

In the third hading, I note incidents where Sam and Dean had a dispute and Dean conceded to Sam's views.

Lie 2: Sam follows Dean's lead because Dean is his brother and for no other reason. It's blind faith.

Sam wants wants Dean to set aside his moral principles and his skepticism and place blind faith in Sam for no other reason than that Sam is his brother, and he frames this request as a show of mutual solidarity. He's placed blind faith in Dean, so why can't Dean do the same for him?

First, there's manipulation here in that this alleged blind faith entitles Sam to also receive blind faith in return from someone unwilling to offer it, which is nonsense. Just because you choose to (allegedly) abandon your principles and beliefs for blind faith in another person does not mean the other person is obligated to follow your lead, treating their own moral principles in the same blasé manner you do.

Second, while absolutely—there have been points up to 4.21 where Sam did not do things because Dean didn't want to do them, or where Sam did things he didn't really want to do because Dean wanted to do them... it's very shady to suggest he only ever concedes purely because Dean is his brother and he has blind faith in him.

Thinking up incidents where Sam concedes to Dean's wishes on something:

1.02: Sam objects to Dean wanting to protect Haley and her brother because they'll be dead weight in the woods, while Dean wants to protect them.

1.03: Dean insists on going on the case instead of sitting around angst-ing about John and how the leads on him have dried up, and Sam concedes.

1.10: Sam wants to call the FBI on John to find him while Dean wants to follow the coordinates John just sent them to see if he's there. Sam ends up going along with Dean then spends the whole episode taking his anger about John's absence out on Dean who had no control over it.

1.21: Sam does not rush into a burning building and die trying to reach Azazel because Dean holds him back.

1.22: 1) Sam wants to sit in a motel waiting for an unknown number of demons to arrive with three bullets left in The Colt and Dean insists they go to Bobby's to learn about demons instead. 2) Dean insists on rescuing John over revenge 3) Dean brings The Colt to save John behind Sam's back, and then ends up using a bullet to save Sam's life.

2.04: Dean thinks he's found a case (he has) and Sam thinks he's just making things up. Sam agrees to go along with it even though he's skeptical until the fact that it is a genuine case is proved to him.

2.12: Sam doesn't like Dean trying to work with Ronald to stop the shifter but they don't really have a choice.

2.19: Sam doesn't want to help people in prison and Dean does, and Sam concedes and goes with the crazy plan to get arrested and go to prison to stop the haunting.

3.01: Sam wants to take Dean to another faith healer to try and get him out of his deal and Dean refuses to go.

3.12: Sam wants to sacrifice Nancy and Dean argues against this and offers an alternative plan where no one gets sacrificed, which Sam ends up going with.

3.13: Sam agrees to go on "Their Grand Canyon" hunt as one of Dean's dying wishes and gets mad when it goes sour because of The Ghostfacers.

3.15: Sam wants to turn them into Frankenstein's monsters to save Dean from his deal and Dean says he'd rather die.

3.16: This one is tricky, because Sam initially goes behind Dean's back by summoning Ruby to save Dean specifically against Dean's dying wishes, but then after he gets caught and Dean gets Ruby's knife, Sam concedes to using Dean's plan where they try to sneak up on Lilith and kill her with Ruby's knife. Dean's reasoning is that he wants to end the cycle of them saving each other with demon deals that only turn sour.

I think the pattern shows that contrary to fanon, Sam is not some poor helpless victorian maiden being swept along by the tides of the immutable sea. In most cases, it's that he realizes he thinks Dean is right about something at the end of the day, even if he doesn't like it. Not because Dean is his brother, but because Dean won him over with a well-reasoned argument, Sam realized he was putting his desires over right and wrong, or Sam didn't (at that time) want to disrespect Dean's wishes concerning Dean's own body and life.

NOTE: You might notice season 4 is "missing". This is because when I look at all of the season 4 episodes, the closest thing I can remember related to Sam just agreeing to do whatever Dean wants is him deciding to stop using his powers in 4.04, except that Sam makes it very clear at the end of the episode that he's quitting by his own choice and Dean's wishes have absolutely nothing to do with it.

Lie 3: Dean never does what Sam wants to do, and he never trusts him.

Not only does the supposition that Dean has always taken the lead Sam's "whole life" imply that Dean never concedes to Sam's view, but also when Sam requests Dean's trust "for once"—as if, not one single time in his entire life, has Dean ever taken Sam's lead or put trust in him. My mama used to say "exaggerators are just lie makers in disguise", and this is some wild lie-making in disguise.

1.06: They go back hundreds of miles to check in on Sam's friend who Sam believes has been framed for murder, even though Dean thinks it's kind of wild for Sam to believe his friend didn't do something the police have clear evidence he did.

1.09: Dean goes with Sam to Lawrence after Sam has a vision about someone dying in their whole house. The idea of going back to Lawrence is extremely upsetting to Dean, but he realizes Sam is right and they have to investigate.

1.12: 1) Sam tricks Dean into seeing a faith healer which upsets Dean, but even so, Dean does what Sam wants, goes into the tent, sits where Sam wants him to sit, and goes up on stage to be healed at Sam's request. 2) Sam says they cannot kill whoever is controlling the reaper because they're human. Dean respects Sam's moral principles by doing what he wants to do.

1.14: 1) They go on this case because Sam has a vision and Dean puts his trust in Sam's vision. 2) Sam insists they can't kill Max because he's human, and Dean respects Sam's moral principles by doing what he wants to do.

2.04: Dean goes with Sam to Mary's grave even though he doesn't want to be in Lawrence or to be anywhere near Mary's grave.

2.05: Sam orders Dean to stay away from Ansem because he's vulnerable and Dean easily agrees, going a long distance away to observe from afar with a rifle.

2.09: 1) Sam has a vision that Dean is going to kill someone. Dean is skeptical, but agrees to go along with Sam anyway. 2) Dean doesn't kill the dude infected with croatoan virus partly because of Sam's pleading that it would be wrong, and Dean finding he agrees. Sam is right.

2.04, 2.09, and 2.10: Dean trusts Sam with insights into his emotional state/why he wants to die after Sam asks him to open up about how he's feeling.

2.12: Dean thinks they should have told Ronald about the shapeshifters, but concedes to Sam's perspective.

2.22: Dean begs Sam to rest for a while instead of immediately getting back on the trail after Azazel, not wanting to lose him again, but Sam insists they go, and Dean concedes.

3.07: Dean wants to go face Gordon alone. Sam breaks down in tears and begs Dean to just be his brother again and stop doing reckless things. Dean instantly softens and agrees to lay low.

3.10: Dean doesn't really want Sam in his head invading his privacy but doesn't stop Sam from joining him in his dreams.

3.11: Dean lives over 100 Tuesdays of Sam bossing him around in various ways, including repeatedly insisting they can't leave the motel and he is not allowed to eat breakfast or go anywhere by himself. Dean puts his trust in Sam even though each time he has no clue what's going on and often has little to no context.

4.04: Sam insists they tell Jack Montgomery that he's going through a metamorphosis so that he can try and stop himself from eating people, and Dean agrees.

4.06: Sam spends the whole episode telling Dean what to do and telling him he needs to go places he's scared to go.

4.09: When Alastair breaks into the church, Ruby tells Sam he needs to use his powers to crush Alastair. Dean starts to protest, but concedes after Ruby says they'll all die otherwise.

4.10 #1: Sam enacts a plan that puts Dean and Ruby at extreme risk (Dean with the angels who have threatened to throw him back in hell, Ruby with Alastair). Both put their trust in Sam and his plan.

4.10 and 4.11: Dean opens up to Sam about his trauma from Hell.

4.19: Though he argues with Sam vehemently multiple times about what he's doing, Dean never actually stops Sam from teaching Adam to be a hunter.

Dean trusts Sam multiple times, and follows his lead on several occasions (even a few times with extreme moral reservations, such as 4.09 and 4.19).

I've also pointed out before that Sam picks most of their season 1 and season 2 cases, contrary to the popular fanon claim that Dean is always dragging Sam everywhere to hunt when he doesn't want to. In season 3, Sam leads them to hunts in 4 different episodes (3.04, 3.05, 3.11, 3.15). Dean finds two (3.02, 3.13). Who picked the rest of their season 3 hunts is either not stated, starts with them being contacted by a friend which leads them to investigate (3.01, 3.03, 3.10, 3.14), or is just them getting into a situation against their will (3.12). 5 cases are Sam's idea in season 4, and two are Dean's. The remainder are unknown, mytharc episodes, or kidnappings.

Lie 4: Sam is just asking to be seen as an equal, and Lie 5: Sam trusts Dean.