You’re A Killer.

whenever I tell a story I feel like Uncle Colm from Derry Girls

i'll even pirate free things. you wouldn't understand

this has weird implications of the intelligent aliens are plant-based

“Yes, my great-grandfather is a terran bur oak. We don’t like to talk about it, it was very awkward for everyone involved. Except, presumably, the bur oak.”

“There were an alarming amount of whole-genome duplication events on Earth and frankly, I’m not comfortable going into it. They’re resilient as fuck, they grow in all kinds of conditions, and they have terrifying vocabulary like ‘allopolyploidy’. Do you KNOW what that IS? It’s something you don’t bring up around seedlings, that’s for…. that’s for fuckin sure.”

my fav relationship ship dynamic is where it doesn't matter if you call it platonic or romantic or queerplatonic because they always act the same in every type of relationship. and the way they act? fucking weird.

i could smell your boytoy coming from down the road. Wretched little rotted morsel of a thing, may he fall to time and become carrion

80s misogyny saved the Star Wars galaxy because Darth Vader wasted all his time and effort trying to convince his starry-eyed gayboy empath son to become an evil space fascist when if anyone had any point asked his daughter “hey do you ever just want to KILL these people” she would’ve been shooing lightning out of her hands to prove a point in like 10 minutes

Happy Star Wars Day

We talk a lot about unreciprocated love, but what about unreciprocated interest? As in, you meet someone, and you’re like, oh! Oh, you like many of the same things I like! You seem like a cool person! I would love to get to know you better and be friends with you- annnd you talk to me, HALFWAY paying attention, for like five minutes at a time and then you move on. Like, it’s usually not as emotionally devastating as unreciprocated romantic attraction, but it is FRUSTRATING AS ALL GET OUT!

Now obviously the hard part of launching a land invasion of Heaven will figuring out where they hid the hole. Finding the miniscule aperture, the hole in physical reality to which all souls are translocated at the moment of death, and then jamming something sturdy in there, getting it in reallll good and working it around until it's big enough to fit some guys with guns through. But the nice part is that the nature of Heaven means that, one, not many people get in in the first place, and two, none of them are good at fighting, because people who're good at fighting mostly don't go to heaven. Except us, when we find the hole. The point is that once we're in there's not much they're gonna be able to do. Pretty much we'll have free run of the place

Update! So we forgot about God