Oooooooh Scared Ya

Pronouns

An accent

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

therapists have told me that adhd isn't an issue of unpredictable motivation, but rather of social motivation. I think this is accurate! however, I don't think that's intrinsic and I don't think it is an 'incorrect' source of motivation to unlearn in favor of individualistic "self-motivated" patterns either.

humans rely on social systems for survival. difficulties with communication, memory, and perception of time and space generally lead to others perceiving you as inconsiderate or unreliable, especially within cultures shaped by capitalist relations. when you struggle with these things, you are perpetually on thin ice with everyone. to survive, your highest priorities become actions which grant immediate reassurance of your ability to maintain social relationships with other people.

like am I going to do the thing no one knows or cares about? or am I going to do the thing that leads to someone saying "thank you so much"? obviously the latter! and so you'll see a lot of people with adhd neglecting things like personal health, cleaning/organizing their own space, doing their own job, etc., and prioritizing things like helping their friends talk through emotional shit at 2am.

this is also why I think the 'co-working with friends' thing helps so much for a lot of us. if you're cleaning your living space, especially if you live alone, there is rarely a social incentive that comes with that labor. but if you're video chatting with someone while you both do domestic labor, you can congratulate each other on what you get done and reaffirm that relationship.

I think social affirmation obviously helps a lot of people beyond those with adhd too. but like, adhd is generally perceived as the "fuckup who can't get anything done" disorder, so expressing basic social appreciation for things they get done does actually directly help.

is wanting to be a wife and mother a requirement for being a woman?

why might OP be annoyed with replies assuming that this post is about being aroace or transmasc if a woman doesn’t want to be a wife or mother?

are there reasons unrelated to sexuality and romantic interest that might make a woman not want to be a wife or mother?

are there reasons unrelated to gender identity and expression that might make a woman not want to be a wife and mother?

core concept: what is gender essentialism?

is it gender essentialism to imply that all women inherently want to be wives and mothers? could this be what OP is critiquing?

look at the notes OP responds to. is it gender essentialism to imply that being a wife and mother is so affixed to womanhood that to not want to be those things means you’re incapable of sexual/romantic feelings, or not a woman?