bro LOok

me walking into the animal shelter: hi id like the stupidest cat you have

sometimes my cat won’t eat her dinner so i thought i was tricking her into eating by putting a few treats on it but she’s actually tricked me into feeding her treats and i want a stupider cat

you look into this animals eyes and you can tell absolutely nothing is going on in there i am so happy for you

i do not ghost purposely i just have no idea what to say ever

lord forgive me but I may have to make a nonessential purchase

sometimes i would like to turn off the internet forever and move to the countryside in abruzzo and be taken in by a very stern old woman who runs a local trattoria and teaches me the ins and outs of hand pulling pasta and in exchange for room and board and pasta and a paltry wage with which to buy sparkling soda i thanklessly work as a kitchen helper for years and she is very stern and cold at first but eventually we build up a very slow friendship and she begins to let me into her life and tells me stories of her youth and teaches me more and more about making the perfect dishes and one night she invites me to drink red wine and eat bread with her and she tells me that when she passes the restaurant will fall to me and she was only being so hard on me at first because she knew of my potential and i thank her for all she has done to me over the years and she remains stern but warmer and when she does pass i operate the restaurant with love and care and eat well every night and make merry with the regulars but never forgetting who leaves us behind

Old dude came in the shop and when I said "lemme know if you have any questions" he goes "what was the name of Alexander the Great's horse," thinking he was so funny. I told him Bucephalus, and he was so disappointed. Like his whole day was hanging on beating me at trivia. He says "you're only the second person who knew that" and I said "well, probably the third if you count Alexander the Great." He left without buying anything, and did not say goodbye. I think I honestly hurt his weird little feelings! Sorry I'm a bitch, old man!

i wish i was a character on a silly tv show so gay people on tumblr dot com would psychoanalyze me for free

Hey. Can you not call it that? Thanks.

Just had a fag moment

In America they call it a smoke break

im american this post is about sucking cock

mice are having sex in my walls :(

never thought i'd get accused of faking having a mice infestation for tumblr clout and yet here we are

you fucked those mice yourself

I fucked those mice myself

when george h.w. bush was naming george w. bush he was like you can have most of my name... but i'm keeping herbert. ok bro 😂😂

I’m high in the shower. I’m 21. I’m in a foreign country. I’m in love. He’s making me toast while I wash my hair. It’s 9:24pm.