I’m So Good At Things

I think people would be less suicidal if they were allowed to talk about being suicidal without risk of being sent to the Torture Dungeon

ublock origin is not enough i need advertisers to feel physical pain

take my ass to torture city where the grass is ouch and the girls are hit me

nope. funkytown again

come on

also according to michael collins when the three of them were discussing what neil armstrong should say when he first stepped on the moon, collins suggested armstrong say “Oh, my God, what is that thing?”  and then scream and cut out his mic.

Everyone forgets Michael Collins and it’s fucking tragic.

Happy Moon day!!!

wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck

invented a new word today. its 'plagiarism'. im a genius i know

I'm gonna say it, I do think that even the laziest person imaginable should have a roof over their head, food in their stomach, and access to healthcare

“What if there’s no good reason for them to be lazy?” It’s a free country and I refuse to think about anyone’s decisions for how they live their life that do not impact me in any meaningful way

year of our lord 2024 and we still havent found out a solution to Depression that isnt: Sleeping

I drink two cups of coffee per day not because I have an addiction, but because my body has adapted to the presence of caffeine enough that its absence causes mild but unpleasant side effects.

I dusted the TV stand not because it was dusty but because it was covered in fine particulate matter that settled from the air.

I reblogged this post not because I liked it and wanted to share it, but because reading it elicited a pleasant sensation that I felt would be appreciated by others

A truthberry might make you tell the truth... But a lieberry? A lieberry will loan you books

Whenever they gave us one of those "read through ALL the instructions before you begin!" trick assignments in school where the steps lead you on an increasingly ridiculous goose chase until the final one tells you to just put your name on the paper and turn it in without doing anything else, I was always like, "Okay, but what's the point? Surely the REAL world won't be anything like this." And then I grew up and discovered that not only is the real world often exactly like that, some people won't even read the first line of the instructions even if they make perfect sense. And these people are called "co-workers"

Interpreted this initially not as shelves, but as your cat having erected defensive fortifications

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

📆

The Doctor’s companions in the early years tended to be “my beloved surrogate granddaughter” and “guy I found in a dumpster.”

"there's no platonic explanation for this" some of y'all need better friends

"there's no platonic explanation for this" some of y'all need to be better friends