please listen to friends at the table

go ahead get in the concrete hamburger seatbelt. since your ass wanna speak axiomatically

my name is evil scorpion and i contr9l the entire football.supplychain

when a pelican bites you there's no malice in their eyes. they aren't upset at you. they are just hungry and want to see if you fit in their mouths. and if you don't then it's no problem and everything is fine. and if you do then well i guess your fate is sealed but that's ok it's a beautiful animal

*trying not to doxx myself* shoutout to that one thing in a place somewhere

I love tumblr more than IG bc IG feels like I’m posting looking for a job but on here it’s like I already lost the job and my wife and the house and I’m just sitting on the curb talking to myself

i don’t think i was meant for a 9-5. i was meant to be a knight in a homoerotic secret relationship with a prince and die a violent death defending him.

you can give someone a peck on the kisser and you can give a kiss on their pecker pretty beautiful huh

does anyone know why my bomb collar is beeping

happy 10 year anniversary to “fuck shit titties it’s friends at the table”

The lion lowkey concerns himself a little bit

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

bleak falls barrow