Hey There Boys, Its Me, Ya Demon

when i say “girl” randomly as an interjection i’m speaking to the omnipresent all knowing being of Girl. asking her for mercy. taking girl’s name in vain

my liege you cannot trust this buffoon. he doesn’t even begin every other sentence with “my liege.” he‘ll never whisper in your ear the way i do it, my liege. sire. your fuckableness

I always thought the name wormtongue was derogatory but I clearly misunderstood their dynamic

i know i made the original post but come on man

i teleport behind you like in the animes but we’re ass to ass

I took my little brother (autistic, mostly non verbal) out and he was using his voice keyboard to tell me something, and this little boy (maybe 4 or 5?) heard him and asked me "Is he a robot??" I tried to explain to him that no, he isn't a robot, he just communicates differently, but my darling brother was in the background max volume "I am robot I am robot I am robot I am robot"

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

i hate it when people ask me to "explain my thought process" like hell if i know

"what's going on in that head of yours?" nothing i want to be a part of

some bozo with the username laundryguy47 keeps jumping in to all my Halo matches and ruining them. what he does is he turns them into some kinda laundry RP. ok, listen, what i mean is, when he joins the game he gets on mic and tells everyone to go to a certain spot on the map and pretend like its a coin operated laundromat and we're all doing laundry there. and they just do it. everybody stops killing eachother like you're supposed to in the game and they go pretend to do laundry for the whole match. nobody even questions it, they all just do it like thats normal. but that's not normal. its sickening and it cant be allowed to continue

some of the sessions have been kinda fun though i gotta say. there's actually quite a bit more depth to pretend laundry than you might think. lately ive been experimenting with pretending to use fabric softener

I mean, in some very interesting Technically Correct ways, they didn't actually die? Now, they're very much no longer alive. But the forces involved are such that they didn't get any of the usual cellular processes of death, they simply went from biology to physics in less time than it takes a signal to travel down your optic nerve.