staring at the dessert menu and twirling my hair and going "should I be baaaaddd" until the autistic girl I'm eating with says "there is nothing bad about eating dessert. it is a morally neutral action"

[the most low energy you have ever seen me] we’re about to go crazy mode

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

Every time I go they put me in a chair and they say look into this machine there's a hot air balloon or a farmhouse in there and I do and I'm like you're right I see it and they're like yeah keep admiring that hot air balloon or farmhouse and I do and I'm like this shit's quaint as fuck and then do you know what happens next they attack me they jumpscare me with air directly into my eyeballs and i fall out the chair and they say sorryyyy but they're NOT they wanted this to happen they KNEW about the jumpscare well now I'm wise to it now I know better when I go in and they say look at this bodacious hot air balloon I'm like NO WAY DUDE that balloon wishes me harm have at thee and I attack them and push them on the ground and spit on them

labubu was meant to be hanging off a kindergartners backpack filthy as fuck with no eyes left

hold on why was it 1970 for a second there

well i'll just go ahead and get it out of the way : good morning. i know that's what you sick tuesday freaks want to hear..........

we should put a lot more oxygen in the air so all animals gets really big anf also make shit randomly explode + fires go extremely hot and bright and dangerous Lol. this is my beautiful dream

When someone is going to have a baby and they’re like “I’m hoping for a girl.” I’m like ‘Aw, cute.’ but when someone says they hope it is a boy, my hackles raise and I’m like ‘Hmm. Elaborate on that. What is the reasoning behind that?’ Like, I think baby gender reveal culture is a bit silly but I understand it is mostly in good fun. Until someone gets mad they’re not having a son to ‘carry on the family name’ or whatever. That is frankly disgusting. But is is really interesting how people who want a daughter will be like ‘I hope it is a baby girl so I can dress her in these cute pink baby outfits.’ and people who want a son often want a son for reasons that are extremely misogynistic and dehumanizing.

Does anyone else ever have a sort of phantom physical sense when there's something ready to paste in the clipboard. It feels like I've got something in my right hand and when I click ctrl-v I put it down.