great googly moogly

Killed this ant that came in the kitchen and the next day it came right back but it was holding a needle. Killed it again and it came back the next day wearing a cape and then I noticed I had a giant HP bar labeled KITCHEN BEHEMOTH and I was like man cmon dont call me that

1 beer in and i start telling people to surrender

and for the lady, perhaps a fking break?

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

"it's not that deep bro"<-guy who refuses to examine personal biases and grow as a person

Those fanfic type stories people write where the plot is like “I picked up a stray cat off the street and it turned into a sexy man?!” R so funny cause if I found a cute cat and spent a week taking care of it and being like aw ur my baby now just for that cat to turn into a man that shit would piss me clean off…I might even kill him

we need to find the beating heart of The Job Market and we need to plunge a holy gleaming blade into it. its the only way to be free

cats will be like please i need you to watch me wiggle around on this carpet please hey look look please look at me i’m wiggling

it's totally ok to dislike things. right?