i know this has been said plenty of times before but i love when people are like “film snobs will seriously make fun of you because you’d rather watch Captain America than, i dunno, *proceeds to make up a movie that sounds fucking awesome and reveals that they just completely lack curiosity about the world around them*”

brb gotta to go splash water on my face in the mens bathroom and look haggardly at myself in the mirror

can you do that somehwhere else i'm changing my baby right here and he is freaking the fuck out

*holds your baby up to the mirror and he rapidly becomes more haggard as my face reverts steadily to an expression of youthful cheer*

I can't watch a television show until a demon possesses me and compels me to do it

i could never get a botox because i love looking at people with a frown & disgusted look

Today's working adults yearn for AMVs

when your dog looks back at you on a walk like heh... we are really walking right now man

Youll pay for erasing her role in this story

Having your interests mocked as a kid and general low self esteem will have you insulting the things you like even when they're generally considered very good. Because you like it, and historically when you like something it's stupid and not worth anyone's time. So you will say nonsense like "I recommend this book/game/film, but it's okay if you hate it, it sucks, I really enjoyed it but that's because I'm an idiot" and you are recommending them the Citizen fucking Kane of that particular media type. And importantly: you need to stop doing this it is killing you

Yes, artist who has commissions open for everyone. I... I would like to commission you. I would like to commission... [sniffles] A picture of my character. [Inhales really sharply] Please. If that's okay. And i'd like you to draw her looking... [Wipes tears from eye] Looking... super cool and. And awesome [voice wobbles] Please. If you can. It's okay if you can't. It's okay if that's not alright. It's [Sniffles loudly] It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You can use my money I'm giving you to beat me over the head until i am killed if you want

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement