So I go down to the basement, which is well-lit and finished and indeed there are more pepsi but also in the fridge is a massive tortise. This animal was the dimensions of a desktop computer and probably outweighed a labrador. It's not moving, and is set in the middle of a plastic tray so it's apparently supposed to be there. I go back upstairs.

"Hey Andrew." I say, nonchalantly. "So is the tortise in the fridge down there for soup or what?"

"The what?" says the other member of the group project. I don't remember her name, just that she always wore her hair in pigtails with butterfly clips that were based on real butterflies and she had at least a dozen species.

"Oh! No, that's Andrew Too." he says. "His species hibernates so he stays in the fridge for the holidays."

"You named your tortise after you?" I ask.

"No, uh- Well, my grandfather got him in Egypt or somewhere while he was on leave during the war and He was named Andrew, so he thought it would be funny to name him 'Andrew Too'. ...Then Mom named me after him so Gandpa left me Andrew Too in his will. He's pretty cool when he's awake. Lets us dress him up for summer holidays, doesn't bark."

"Oh!" Said Butterflies. "My dad served in the Gulf War too! What unit was he in?"

did they pay really well? did you want these beautiful, terrible movies to be a blemish on your career forever?? why

 antonio banderas did so many high-profile movies then in spy kids he looked like this

tony shalhoub has won multiple emmys but he did spy kids and

even fucking george clooney wtf

steve buscemi is pretty goofy but still

salma hayek’s pigtails in this wow 

elijah wood was the lead in a movie that’s tied for the largest number of oscars of all time and he played a character creatively named “THE GUY”

sylvester stallone is like a cultural icon and he played not one but FOUR ridiculously dressed weirdos

alan cumming is the only one i can understand 

the 2% of my brain that isn’t actively sabotaging me: do your assignments. read a book. take a fucking shower

me:

So imagine Doof monologuing over Zoom, secure in the knowledge that Perry the Platypus can’t possibly thwart him over a video call, when Perry disappears from the frame. As he ponders where his nemesis could have gone, Perry plummets onto Doof’s balcony and socks him one in the jaw.

Doof: What?! Perry the Platypus?! What are you doing? You shouldn’t be out here! There’s a quarantine going on, in case you haven’t noticed!

Perry: *platypus noise*

I’ve seen several of these passed around, but they always feel incomplete. I’ve decided to put together my own version.  I hope this is helpful.

Religious WItches - Witches who practice within a religious practice (like Wicca)

Secular Witches - Witches who practice outside of a religious practice.

Solitary Witches - Witches who practice alone

Sonicary Witches  - Witches who only exist as the concept of sound

Tweed Witches - Witches who are really into elbow patches

Sandwiches - like a good ham and cheese one would be pleasant now.

Cranberry Witches - Best served at Thanksgiving

Forest Witches - They are in the woods, right now, totally lost

Steve Witches - These are witches named Steve. They tend to collect Dreamcast games and are generally okay unless they’ve been drinking.

Sea Witches - They work with water

C Witches - scpell everytching wcith unecesscary C’s

Gray Witches - only wear the color gray.

Grey Witches - Like Gray witches, only more pretentious

Fae Witches - Witches who work with Fairies

Witches Near Fae Witches - just waiting to see if the Fae Witches weren’t careful enough when they made their deals with the Fae.

Booze Witches - Do their best witchcraft drunk, or at least that’s what they tell you when they ask you to hold their beer. This is what Steve thinks he is. He isn’t. Steve has a problem.

Kitchen Witches - People you should be friends with around thanksgiving

Garden Witches - Work with plants, stronger than they look, seriously – don’t try to fight them.  God damn it Steve, leave her alone.

Healing Witches - The people you take Steve to after he pisses off the Garden witches.

Hedge Witches - These are Witches who work with Hedges.

into the secret garden

Autumn landscape near Edale, Peak District,  England