"Situation" by Johnny Blue Skies & The Dark Clouds
MG:
Elsewhere, on the dark side of alt country, Sturgill Simpson is horny. I have personally complained up and down this blog about the lack of eroticism in today's media so it's perhaps ironic that I return to say: not like this! Johnny Blue Skies most recent project (titled Mutiny After Midnight) is noble enough in premise. Simpson, too, has chafed against the dry, sexless chasm that is -- I think, specifically -- heterosexual culture. (And certainly the reporting around real sex lives is almost exclusively centered on whether or not men and women are having sex with each other. I have frankly no idea how queer sex lives are faring in contrast.) His solution? Well, his own horniness. His horniness will make us all horny, I guess. Not me, though. Lines like "I wanna get you wet" imply the woman's body has an on/off switch, like she sits around dry until he shows up and plugs her in. And that's the only real thought Simpson gives to his sex object's state, the rest of the song is about the ways he will be used.
If I may intrude to make a confession: until this year I hadn't heard any Waylon Jennings. I mean, yes, I'd heard "Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys" in passing, but I couldn't tell you that was a Waylon Jennings song nor pick his voice out of a line up. But my husband remedied that, declaring this the summer of Waylon. Having heard Sturgill Simpson's source material, I find "Situation" even more abject. Waylon, too, pursued a latter career disco-ish pivot on his album Black on Black. Its tight, not quite 30 minute runtime ends with "Get Naked With Me" which explores the same concept as "Situation" but without the Millennial dad sex humor or try-hard references to brothels in Guam. Sturgill Simpson is embarrassing -- both for his Single White Female reproduction of his hero's catalog and for writing a song about sex that gives me the same feeling I had as a child when my parents kissed.
DV:
I am unsure what level of irony is invoked by a Sturgill Simpson video that includes clips of Austin Powers, but I hate it. If you're determined to make a deeply cringe sex song, you should at least have the courage of your convictions! And to be clear, I do not want to overly disparage cringe - which is typically earnest, if nothing else, and often the companion of authenticity. But part of the problem with "Situation" is that it's not honest. It's built of corny jokes and smugness, too satisfied with its own detached cleverness to hit any of its marks. Or maybe Sturgill Simpson genuinely thinks "Your body's hotter than a brothel in Guam" is the kind of pickup line that can actually work. Much like the video, I'm not sure which would be worse, but I am sure neither option is the tiniest bit sexy.














