Heart of Grey

At some point I took out my phone, and at the time I was using face unlock. This prompted him to tell me all the ways this technology doesn't work on him. How his phone selfie camera doesn't focus right because it's not detecting a face. How he had to update his ID the old fashioned way, because the website kept rejecting his photos. And how it was becoming more and more common, and how it was making his life way harder.

for example, we have a microscope that is perfectly functional, good microscope, but its software is abandonware because the company refused to maintain it. the company is still in business, still makes essentially the exact same software, but they made all of the old tech incompatible with new software to force people to buy the new microscope tech. it would cost a quarter million dollars to replace this microscope. this perfectly good microscope.

They were free.

They were fucking free.

They were maybe ¢60 of acrylic yarn each at the most, and the whole ziploc bag of them took 2 hours max.

Three people gave me sad eyes until I took their money.

Someone who was clearly the mom friend of their group made me take a $5 and gave a 10 minute pep talk.

At least four more people insisted on getting change to pay for the, once again, free bracelets.

In spite of all these shenanigans, the absolute best was this one person who I can only describe as, “queer surfer dude who looks like a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend.” I can remember nothing of the outfit, only the impeccable vibes. I did the same thing I did with everyone else, explaining the bracelets were free, and they nodded along as they took the last 6 strand rainbow bracelet. As soon as they had it on their wrist, they pointed at something over my shoulder and, like a fool, I looked.

Next thing I know, they’re running off cackling, yelling, “YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME!” and I’m holding a fucking $20. I had to stop at least two people from chasing them, cause they thought the person stole something, and then they tried to give me money cause they thought it was funny seeing me flail over people being Too Nice.

As a wheelchair user, I can not just live in any flat. I need enough space to maneuver my chair, as well as a accessible bathroom, including a grab bar on each side of the toilet and a stepless shower that fits a shower chair. Not to mention the kitchen - if I want any independence in making food for myself, I need to be able to reach not only the fridge but also the cabinets (meaning cabinets at a pedestrian's eye level are a no-go, which consequently means I need a bigger room for the same amount of storage space). If I want to participate in any of the actual cooking, I also need a roll-under stove and sink. That all means I need a bigger flat than a non disabled person, as well as the extra requirements I just mentioned, plus a step-free entrance.

That already excludes most of the more affordable flats - those are often old, small, and at the second or higher floor without a lift. So, just because I'm physically disabled, I need to pay more just to life somewhere. And because I'm nonpartnering(?), I won't have a second person to share these costs with.

However, a lot of living arrangements specifically made for disabled people count on disabled people being not partnered.

An example: I'm trying to move into my first real, own flat in the near future. I recently found an apartment complex that was specifically made for physically disabled people and has always carers present that you can call on whenever you need help with something (on top of the scheduled care you can book separately). This sounds great for me because I don't really need all day one-on-one care, but too much care to just have someone come over two or three times a day. Now, it's still not clear if I'll rent a flat there for a number of different reasons, but if I'll live there, I'll have to be living alone. And not just for a short while - I would need to make some alterations to live there, so it would only be worth it if I live there long-term. Besides, moving out of that flat again into a normal flat without such an on-call carer system in place would mean I'd need more planned care again, and I'd need these additional costs to be covered first.

Similarly, people who are institutionalised or live in group homes are also expected to be single.

I think that captures the kind dichotomy of disabled people's struggles with amatonormativity pretty well. On one hand, we're under even more pressure to partner up than non disabled people. We're expected to find someone to help us cover the extra cost and provide the care we need (all while seen as undesirable in society). This creates a dependency of the disabled partner in regard to the non disabled partner, which can trap the disabled partner in the relationship.

On the other hand, if we need to rely on outside help because we aren't partnered or we need more support than our partner can provide, we are forced into a structure that doesn't have space at all. Suddenly, we're not only exempt from amatonormativity but are actively excluded from taking part in adult dating. (Not to mention that sex with a disability is still a taboo topic, but that would be too much to discuss here.) This does not only make many disabled people unhappy, it also plays a role in our infantilisation and dehumanisation.

BITCH

NOT TO MENTION the fact that the prohibition against direct images in Islam was actually the reason for the development of the incredible advances in higher mathematics of the Islamic Golden Age because they were required to create these structures. The Islamic World basically took the ban on images as a “hold my beer” thing and created an entire artistic culture based on mathematics and architecture where art and science fed into and glorified each other, 700 years before the Italian Renaissance.

In conclusion

but so much is actively evil, hostile or otherwise enshittified. i don't want to track my greebles with splorp i don't want to pay a teehee subscription to get round cacophany's file limits i don't need 17 ways to skrimple my scronk 7 of which secretly activate scrungly plus ultimate i don't need to link it to my flowolf account i don't want to manage it with the flowby mowby i don't care if poob does or does not has it for me. i don['t care

When I told my grandmother’s friend group about aromanticism most of them didn’t understand, they were polite and asked a lot of questions, some didn’t really believe it bc well, people in their 70s are rarely that open minded; but there was this one lady that looked pensive and when the others quieted down she asked me if the name for it had existed long, and when I said no she told me about her best friend:

A 74 year old woman who had married young, back when my country was in a fascist dictatorship and women couldn’t have/make their own money, so their only hope was marriage. They lived together years, and I’m not sure if they had children, but as soon as it was legal for her to divorce she did, and, living in a small town, she faced her neighbours’ questions and judgement: Was he a bad husband? Did he cheat or treat her badly? Was it the other way around? He wasn’t “man enough”? And many less nice things.

Her answer to all of them was that her now ex husband was a wonderful man, and that they’d remain friends as they’d always been, because on her side that’s all there could be, because she didn’t find it in herself to love, not him nor any man or woman, but still cared deeply for him as she did for all her friends.

She now lives happily in retirement, traveling around the country with her friends, ex husband included, and also has a cat.

When the lady told me this she sounded doubtful at first, afraid she was appropiating but when I told her that the experience sounded like those on our community she looked so happy, and kindly asked me to write down the terms and what they mean on a paper so she could show her friend when she went back home, tell her that she wasn’t alone that there were more people who had united and have a name and are fighting to be recognised.

That day I realised something: That there are more of us than we know about, that in this age of information many of the older generation were still estranged from the net and among them there are aromantic people too. And that for those people who have probably felt other and wrong most of their lives, the knowledge of the label and community, the confirmed existence of others like them that feel it’s important enough to recognise that feeling or lack thereof, can be just as healing, reassuring and important as it was for us, the newer generation who stumbled upon the term on the internet when we were teens.

The internet is great, of course, but if we want to find the older aros de have to look for them, because they most surely haven’t found themselves in that label yet either. And to do so we must share our terms and experiences and shout to the world that we exist outside the screens, that we are real. I know it can be risky or even dangerous but if we wish to find them, and hopefully make them a bit happier, it’s all we can do.

“But shrimp!! Kill shelters are evil!!”

No, shut up, listen to me for a second.

“Kill shelter” is a colloquial term used primarily for Town/City (aka municipal) shelters that rely on incredibly limited government grant funding to operate.

These shelters, by the very nature of their existence, DO NOT HAVE the funds to operate like private rescues do.

On top of this, they’re also *legally required* to take in ANY animal that comes to them. Even if they’re full. Or they’ll lose all of their funding.

This is what leads them to needing to euthanize for space. Is euthanizing for space sad? Yes. But due to the current crisis, it’s also NECESSARY.

These shelters are constantly overfull. They’re STRUGGLING. They don’t have the funds to operate properly. And yet these municipal, government funded, struggling shelters are the same ones that are most likely to be providing care for owned animals in the community

Municipal (“kill”) shelters are the ones hosting low cost spay and neuter clinics. They’re the ones discounting vaccination appointments and microchipping. They’re the ones that have pet food banks so struggling pet owners can feed their pets that week.

These shelters are not evil. They’re doing the absolute best they can with the bare minimum funding they get.

These people are incredibly resourceful and care very deeply about the animals in their care. It breaks their heart every time they have to euthanize an animal that couldn’t get adopted.

These underfunded shelters need your money significantly more than that fancy private rescue you see on TikTok or instagram that has a beautiful facility and has never had to euthanize an animal ever.

Support your local shelters and they will give back to the community thousand fold.

It has a surface area of 31,700 sq. miles, roughly the size of South Carolina or Austria.

It's incredibly deep and has enough water to cover all of North and South America to a depth of 12 inches.

Waves over 30 feet have been recorded.

Its deepest point is 1,333 feet, which is the third lowest point in North America