🌙🔮✨

im a protected species you fucking asshole

my little cousin confidently declared that mother nature had a counterpart named daddy electric and i feel like this concept needs to be explored

printers behave like that because the medieval monks they put out of work are haunting them

do not try contacting me i have blocked you on my crystal ball

petition to bring back saying "huzzah!" when something goes your way and "alas." when it doesn't

Planet Suckulon 5 has declared war on Earth

(closing the menu and handing it back to the waiter) whatever's most sumptuous

guys im feeling quite vulnerable now and i need u to be honest with me. If an evil palette swapped clone of myself started wreaking general mayhem with villainous intent you'd be able to differentiate him from me right. You wouldnt get us totally mixed up and accuse me of committing all the evil deeds he did

I just felt someone Z-target me

[clearly circle-strafing you] don't be ridiculous

middle aged lady on my bus just called someone's partner "your whimsical idiot boyfriend" over the phone . with sincere frustration might I add

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you