for every rose, a thorn

Malos: Every major city has banned me from using their public transit system except Theosoir, Tantal. I have no idea what their breaking point is, but mark my words, I will fucking find it.

*baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws*

What in the tarnation???

having a pet is insane... there is a guy on my floor

Chronic neuron misfire at work where a customer asked what my specialty was, like, what my favorite drink is ig, and I said “wasp cup” and we stared at eachother for a second and I decided to double down for some fucking reason and said “you bring the wasp I bring the cup” and she was just like “ok can I have an iced white mocha” without any emotion it was like two neural nets interacting

The thing that distinguishes Tumblr shitposts from shitposts on other social media platforms isn't the content, it's the register. The hairpin code-switching between very formal and very vulgar speech – the kind of speech that will use the words "increasingly" and "fucktrumpet" in the same sentence.

It's the Homestuck accent

Thank you so much! This is the absolute worst way you could've described this type of speech