Fandom Fangirling

"Don't do it."

Gwaine's voice cracked across the council chamber before another map could be unrolled.

Arthur looked up slowly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said don't." Gwaine strode forward, snatched the map from the table, and threw it into the fire. "Don't make an enemy of Merlin."

The silence that followed was sharp enough to draw blood.

Arthur's jaw tightened.

"He abandoned Camelot."

"No," Gwaine snapped. "Camelot abandoned him."

The room seemed to shrink.

Leon inhaled quietly. Percival looked at the floor. No one moved to stop either of them.

Arthur's eyes hardened.

"He deceived me for years."

"And still spent every one of those years saving your life."

"He lied."

"He survived."

The words landed like blows.

Arthur's hands curled into fists.

"You expect me to simply forgive—"

"I expect you to remember."

Gwaine took another step.

"I remember a servant who never slept because monsters preferred your bedroom. I remember a fool who ran into burning buildings before the knights had even found the door. I remember a man who stood between you and things that would've made seasoned warriors piss themselves."

Arthur's expression didn't soften.

"He wrote that letter to mock me."

"No." Gwaine laughed bitterly. "He wrote it because he thinks you're going to keep hunting him."

"I am."

"I know."

The answer was quiet.

"And that's why I'm here."

Arthur stared.

"You send patrols through villages that still pray for Emrys. You question druids who owe him their lives. You ask people to betray the one man who never betrayed them."

"He betrayed me."

Gwaine slammed both palms onto the council table.

"He gave you everything!"

The shout echoed from the stone walls.

"His freedom. His future. His bloody name. You think this is a hunt?" Gwaine asked. "It isn't. It's revenge dressed up as justice."

"I'm the king."

"And he's the reason you lived long enough to become one."

Arthur's face flushed with anger.

"So what would you have me do?"

Gwaine looked exhausted.

"Stop chasing ghosts."

Arthur laughed once, cold and humourless.

"He says the boy I knew is dead."

Gwaine's expression broke.

"No."

His voice was barely audible.

"He isn't dead."

Arthur frowned.

"Then where is he?"

Gwaine swallowed.

"I don't know."

That hurt more than either of them expected.

"Because every time Merlin had to choose between Emrys and your manservant…"

He looked Arthur directly in the eyes.

"…he buried Merlin a little deeper."

Another silence.

"If you keep hunting him," Gwaine said, "eventually you'll force him to defend himself."

Arthur held his gaze.

"Is that a threat?"

"No."

Gwaine reached for the door.

"It's the last warning you'll ever get from someone who still wants to call you friend."

His hand rested on the latch.

"When you finally find Emrys…"

He didn't turn around.

Arthur,

They tell me you're looking for me.

Your knights have crossed villages I once saved, questioned people whose names you never learned, ridden roads I walked alone. Every rumour becomes another trail. Every shadow becomes another possibility.

I almost admire the effort.

Do you remember when we hunted together?

You always rode. I followed because someone had to notice the broken branches, the bent grass, the frightened birds taking flight. You looked for prey. I looked for signs.

You never understood that difference.

You think a hunt ends when the quarry is cornered.

Mine ended the day I realized Camelot had made me into something that could never go home.

I spent years teaching myself how to disappear. Every lie I told was another footprint erased. Every smile was another false trail. Every "yes, sire" was another layer between the man you knew and the one who survived.

Do you know what's funny?

You spent years wondering how I was always there before disaster struck.

Now you'll spend years wondering why you're always one step behind.

You'll search the forests first because you remember how much I loved them. You'll search Ealdor because you'll think grief drives a man home. You'll search the taverns because Gwaine always found me there. You'll search every place that meant something.

And every place that meant something stopped being home the day I left it.

You could search every kingdom from Albion to the sea.

You could question every druid, every dragonlord, every old woman who remembers my name.

You could fill the roads with red cloaks until the earth forgets the color of grass.

You still wouldn't find me.

Because you are hunting the boy who polished your armour, argued over your neckerchief, tripped over his own feet, and smiled every time you laughed.

He died long before I ever walked away.

The man writing this letter is merely what remained.

You can't hunt a man who no longer exists.

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Merlin doesn't remember why he awoke. There was a reason, he was sure, to not follow the voice he heard. The same reason why he and Arthur were in these woods for the first place, his purpose slipping like gossamer from his fingers.

But now reason fades away as he sees Arthur standing by the water's edge. He turns to Merlin, wearing just his breeches and a white tunic, feet bare in the earth. Even under the pale moonlight, his skin shines golden. His lips curve into a soft smile, the way they only do when there's no one else around.

"Merlin," he says softly. Merlin's eyes track the bob of his throat as Arthur speaks. "Come here."

"What are you doing?" Merlin asks, but he's already obeying, caught in his sun's orbit. Arthur's smile grows as Merlin approaches, and he holds out a hand, beckoning.

"I want to show you something."

Merlin frowns. What on earth could Arthur want to show him, in the middle of the night, deep in the woods? What on earth are they doing here—?

"Oh, don't give me that face," Arthur teases, and catches Merlin's wrist as soon as he's within reach. A hand curls around his skin, hot like a brand. "Just trust me."

"Arthur," Merlin tries again, his mouth going dry. He swallows, like there's something sticky clogged in his throat. "What are you—"

"I know what you want, Merlin," Arthur says. "I know how you look at me."

Merlin 05x13

When immortals love mortals