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@glithch
Memories... aren't an escape!

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I love soulmates but also this-
Consider the god of salmon.
There is a god of salmon, somewhere in the gravel and the pebbles of the spawning redd. All salmon are aware of it as soon as they are born, in their own, private, fishy ways, and remember their god of salmon when they leave the spawning grounds and journey into the saltwaters beyond.
Theirs is the god of journeys and returnings.
Eventually, every salmon is struck by the urge to return to the holy lands of its ancestors. They pray to the god of salmon, asking for protection against bears and other predators on the journey.
“Deliver us from eagles,” the salmon pray.
All animals get their own gods, and those animal gods get their own prayers. The gods of mice and rabbits and other small, squeaking, hunted things usually get prayers along the lines of, “Oh please, oh please, oh please…”
Unlike those fickle gods, parishioners of the god of salmon get results.
Salmon get miracles.
A salmon returns to freshwater and discovers that it can breathe.
A salmon swimming against the current watches its spine curl, its teeth lengthen, sees grey scales turn red.
A salmon comes to a waterfall and discovers that it can fly…
Eventually the salmon complete their pilgrimage, and return to the holy lands of their ancestors.
Many raucous orgies are held.
Hallelujah.
And then, exhausted, the salmon die. The land flourishes as residual nutrients run through creeks and estuaries.
And the god of salmon continues, buoyed on the souls and prayers of millions of martyrs.
if i had a nickel for every post about salmon theology and philosophy i’ve seen on this website i’d have 2 nickels.
which isn’t a lot but, you know
i love how much attitude the red m&m has but i think id rather be the yellow m&ms friend
i got broken up with the moment i posted this by the way. no hard feelings at all but i think it makes it funnier
in Assassins Creed 4 cows can walk in front of the camera while you’re in the middle of a board game, making it unplayable.
whoa… just like in real life

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Hey dude. Letting you know someone in the queer platonic group chat (the one you left after Kai’s alter made some acephobic comments, which he apologized for later btw :/) said they found receipts on your twitter of you liking a James Charles tweet which is really,,, yikes. Also Rainbow said you were tweeting on ur Steven universe roleplay account that were gonna rewatch atla which is like a really transphobic and racist and sexist show and you know how Ash feels about even if they won’t say anything about it bc of their anxiety ,,,, idk dude I just wanted to let you know. I know Ash can be biphobic sometimes but they also live in an apartment and their parents are divorced so they have ptsd from it ://// I think Ash might write a callout but me and Rainbow are trying to calm them down just be aware and maybe stop being toxic
I have a simultaneously amazing and appalling memory which means that I’ll remember that months ago you quickly mentioned you collect bookmarks once and then you never brought it up again so for your birthday I’ll buy you a mermaid related bookmark because you brought up you like mermaids once but you won’t end up getting it on your birthday because I forgot when it is
Twitter redeems itself today for dragging tf out of Elon Musk
got eaten up with 3 words

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Y'all...
FINALLY SOME REAL APPALACHIAN REPRESENTATIIN IM HOLLERING
my mom saw this pic and was like thats popcorn sutton on the right i know him.
:’( rest in paradise legend
The original Eartha Kitt recording of Santa Baby is the only good version because she’s the only one that puts any kind of irony or humour into it. She understands that the song is about a gold-digger singing to her sugar daddy, telling him about all the gifts she wants and buttering him up by telling him how “good” she’s been to him. And flirtatiously comparing him to Santa because he’s an old man who gives her gifts when she sits on his lap. Every other singer does the song as though they’re actually trying to fuck Santa.
To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to fuck Santa. But that’s not what the song is about.
IKEA monkey update
https://www.storybookmonkeys.org/
sony pulled cyberpunk 2077 from the playstation store lol
this is so funny considering that this game was hyped for more than five years
playstation killer

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why do i have to format emails like i’m writing a letter to my fucking husband on the frontlines of the long war. my dearest gregory. it has been too long since i’ve held in my embrace. o, that these travails shall lead us to one another again. my sincerest, fondest thoughts go with you in this, your hour of need. i have attached the requested documents in .pdf format. thanks!