(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

“I’m an equal opportunity offender. I make fun of everybody.” - Guy whose identities all align with the systemically dominant power groups in his cultural and geographic context

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off

She Would Say That. She would DO that.

I have this marketing idea for season two where they create an actual ottawa centaurs instagram account and post a bunch of in-character content as if it was a real hockey team being run by a real guy and also this is how they announce the actors playing them

bonus idea that works with that and that i've thought about an unhealthy number of times: official ilya instagram account where he posts all the pics that shane eventually realizes are about him/their relationship. every week there's new posts relating to whatever happened during the episode.

actually, let’s play a game called think about it jacob and i want you to cast yourself in a super specific role for season 2

i want to be another therapist in dr. galina’s office suite. maybe i swing my door open and ilya gets startled bc he’s anxious about being there, i throw him a 🙂 before wordlessly heading to the staff kitchenette for a coffee

gas station attendant who pulled the short straw on the halloween shift. i watch a visibly uncomfortable shane hollander put fuel in his sensible car then waddle quickly across the forecourt. he shifts his weight from foot to foot as he pays. he won't look me in the eye. i wish him a happy halloween and tell him to have a nice night. i get an awkward grimace in return before he hurries back to his car and speeds off into the night.

I am at Fabian's concert and Shane notices I keep looking at him and Ilya and he's like shit is she seeing my hand on him does she know and I DO, I am internally freaking out because omg that's Hollander and Rozanov touching, the Internet was RIGHT, but I keep it to myself because I'm chill

I’m the head boss at the overnight dog kennel and I keep local icon Ilya Rozanov happy by making sure the other attendants call it a “doggy hotel” while he’s around.

I know in the book it was a guy and it makes more sense for it to be a guy but I want to be the server at the double date with Ryan and Fabian who goes all "omg are you...?" and Shane braces himself for a Fan Encounter only for me to totally ignore him because omg! you're Fabian Salah! I love your music!

actually, let’s play a game called think about it jacob and i want you to cast yourself in a super specific role for season 2

i want to be another therapist in dr. galina’s office suite. maybe i swing my door open and ilya gets startled bc he’s anxious about being there, i throw him a 🙂 before wordlessly heading to the staff kitchenette for a coffee

gas station attendant who pulled the short straw on the halloween shift. i watch a visibly uncomfortable shane hollander put fuel in his sensible car then waddle quickly across the forecourt. he shifts his weight from foot to foot as he pays. he won't look me in the eye. i wish him a happy halloween and tell him to have a nice night. i get an awkward grimace in return before he hurries back to his car and speeds off into the night.

I am at Fabian's concert and Shane notices I keep looking at him and Ilya and he's like shit is she seeing my hand on him does she know and I DO, I am internally freaking out because omg that's Hollander and Rozanov touching, the Internet was RIGHT, but I keep it to myself because I'm chill

I’m the head boss at the overnight dog kennel and I keep local icon Ilya Rozanov happy by making sure the other attendants call it a “doggy hotel” while he’s around.

Barista watching Troy Barrett order drinks and cake pops that are very obviously not for him. I do not follow hockey, so I have no idea who he is. When our fall seasonal menu comes out and he orders every single apple themed item we sell, it means nothing to me. I write "Boy" on his cup, because he mumbles.

(In the cuck chair)(starts booing)

(Wife looks over)(I do a roman emperor thumbs down)(she executes the other guy)

gonna be so real i did not realize the bottom was about purchasing and shipping automobile parts. I thought they were straight up intending to kill and dismantle the UPS truck like some auto mechanic apex predator.

“Only 2 likes on my post” now imagine 2 girls eating u. perspective 🥹

ilya posts a video on instagram with the caption “my husband and the dog he didn’t want” and it’s shane cradling anya like a baby outside the vet’s office whispering “you were so brave, honey. we’ll get you a pup cup on the drive home and you can sit in my lap while papa drives. you did such a good job when the scary lady poked you. such a good girl” and people everywhere lose their fucking minds

'not dishwasher safe' don't care i'm crazy. i'd put the holy grail in that thing