I’ve always struggled with tagging dialogue. It’s such a small part of the story, that it seems like an easy thing to get right.
Which makes it easy to get wrong.
I know other people really struggle with tagging dialogue, too. I was in a workshop with a kid who received feedback saying he used too many attributions with adverbs and that he should generally only use said + an action.
He submitted another piece, and they said his habit of using said + an action at the end of every line of dialogue was too repetitive and that he didn’t need to use that many dialogue tags at all.
He submitted another piece, and they said he didn’t use any dialogue tags and they never knew who was talking.
Then, he had a full blown meltdown in the workshop. Over dialogue tags.
I want us all to avoid a situation like that, so I thought I would illustrate dialogue tagging rules with a sample from what is probably the piece of writing for teaching dialogue: Hemingway’s “Hills Like White Elephants.”
The scene is of a man and a woman sitting at a table, drinking:
That’s good dialogue. It’s concise. It’s clear. It’s interesting.
How does it manage that? Let’s separate the components of this except and find out.
Here is just the dialogue:
It’s comprised of eight lines, with the woman speaking four times and the man speaking four times, in turn.
Here are the dialogue tags.
There aren’t very many at all. Three “she said”s and one action.
This dialogue works well because Hemingway lets the dialogue speak for itself. Pun unintended.
He does what every writing manual says to do. He follows THE RULES:
Use “said.” Exclusively. “Asked,” is fine for special occasions. No adverbs. No fancy attributions. Just said the character. You know all of those lists with titles like “words you can use instead of ‘said?’” DON’T DO IT. DON’T TRUST THEM. SAID IS A PERFECTLY GOOD WORD.
Only tag your dialogue enough for the reader to see who’s speaking. Once you’ve established who’s speaking, you don’t need to say ‘he said,’ ‘she said’ anymore, because it’s no longer very useful to your reader.
Only describe actions that are important to the scene. * Don’t feel the need to illustrate your characters’ every action. Only show what’s important to the understanding of the scene, the actions that build character and inform the dialogue. The girl putting down her glass shows us that she doesn’t like the taste of liquorice. It adds meaning to her words. Sometimes you can replace a tag with an action. For instance, you don’t really need “she said and put the glass down.” If you say “she put the glass down,” the reader will understand she’s the one speaking.
Describe thoughts sparingly. When do you do most of your thinking about a conversation? When you’re actually speaking to the person? Or when you’re on your way home wondering if those words in that order means he likes you, or if he likes you? Or lying in bed that night trying to figure out why IN THE WORLD YOU SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS? Most thoughts can be saved for after the dialogue is finished and your character actually has time to mull things over. If the dialogue is doing its job, we’ll be able to see the characters’ gears turning by virtue of their words.
I personally find it difficult to learn from just the good stuff. So now I’ll show you why these rules exist by completely ruining this dialogue:
This is so much worse than Hemingway’s version. I haven’t messed with the actual dialogue, but my tags have ruined it all the same.
Let’s go through just why it’s so much worse.
It’s redundant. If the girl is saying “yes,” we already know she’s agreeing. If she’s saying it tastes like liquorice and putting the glass down, we can see that she’s complaining about it. Saying that she hates liquorice just furthers that redundancy. This is why most attributions other than “said” are frowned upon. We don’t need “I am responding to your point,” they replied. Or “I LIKE CAKE!!” he exclaimed. Or “Really?” he questioned.
It assumes the reader isn’t smart enough to understand subtext. When writing, assume you’re readers are as smart as you are. “That was bright,” the man said sarcastically. “Cut it out,” the man said angrily. If you think you’d understand that the man is angry when he says “cut it out,” trust that your reader will, too. Because I assure you, they are smart enough to understand it, and when they do, that “angrily” is redundant and insulting. This is why it’s best to avoid adverbs at the end of your dialogue tags. Like fancy attributions, they tell what your dialogue has already shown.
The pace is wrong. Putting tags at every line slows down the dialogue. It clogs up the scene. This is a quick interaction. Most dialogue is quick. When we talk to someone, very little time tends to pass between our responses. This speed should be mimicked in the way dialogue is written and read. This is why you should keep your dialogue as streamlined as possible, and keep thoughts, actions, and tags to a minimum.
It puts a focus on the writing. All of those fancy attributions, adverbs, and additional tags say: “this is not being said by these two people. I am the author of this text and I am describing what they are saying to you.” That’s a lot for an adverb to be saying. It takes attention away from what the characters are saying and draws attention to the fact that this is fiction. “Said” works well because it’s all but invisible to the reader. It keeps the attention on your characters’ words.
Hopefully, this has convinced you that when it comes to dialogue, you should let your characters do all of the talking. (Pun intended.)
This isn’t a definitive list of the rules, though. There are others. For instance: keep your speaker’s action with their dialogue. Don’t pair one character’s action with another character’s dialogue.
If you don’t exactly trust someone who admits to getting their dialogue wrong**, here’s a list of other resources that can help you improve your dialogue tags. These also go heavier into the grammar of tagging dialogue.
He Said, She Said: Dialog Tags and Using Them Effectively
Keep it Simple: Keys to Realistic Dialogue (Part II)
Writing Fiction: Dialogue Tag Basics
A list of attributions to never, ever use
*Many people will tell you that actions work better than “said” attributions in dialogue. People get this advice, like my workshopping pal, and end up putting “he/she smiled” after every line of dialogue. Action as attribution works, but can easily clutter the scene with unnecessary choreography. It’s more complicated and trickier to pull off than just putting “said x” after the first few lines of dialogue. This is why my advice is to only use it where the action is doing work for your scene.
**I can correct it by the 3rd or 4th draft. Usually.
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