You're right - you are very insightful when it comes to talking about music and chickens. Some of the headlines are good, though - aren't they? Have to admit I don't keep up too much with the interviews that you do. You don't need to apologize, Z. Really. I'm good. Was I a little hurt at the time? Sure. Who wouldn't be? But I've been struggling with my own idea of what love is for years. Kind of figured that I don't really have the desire for romantic love. So I think it's safe to say whatever we thought love was at the time, it was but now we can just appreciate that our relationship brought us the best kid. I just need you to be present for Khai - it's all I've ever asked of you.

i've come to the conclusion that the love i have for music is exactly the same as the love i have for my chickens, i'd die for every single one of them. some of the things people say about me are true, but most of them? not even close. even after all these years, people still come up with the most ridiculous stories about me. i've learnt to let them talk because, at the end of the day, there's not much i can do about it. i know you didn't, but i'm sorry for the way i said it and for everything people said afterwards. i don't think i explained myself very well and once something is out there, everyone seems to come up with their own version of what you meant. really? why's that? have you simply given up on love? i can't pretend i know exactly what love is either, but i haven't given up looking for it. maybe love isn't always this huge, dramatic thing people make it out to be. maybe it's found in the little things, in the people we care about and in the way we choose to show up for them. like khai! the way we feel about her... that's love, isn't it? i'll always be there for khai.

I thought the chickens would have come out on top there, can’t lie. People just want to create weird headlines. There’s always things about me, too but I pick to ignore them. Figured that’s always the best thing to do. Otherwise you’re just feeding into what they want. At the end of the day, you know the truth, don’t you? And the people who matter know, too. I don’t know why people think that when I say I have zero interest in love that it means that I’ve given up. I know that if I wanted to then I could find a relationship and be happy with it. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m aromantic and asexual. I hope that you find what you’re looking for though, Z. Of course it’s love but that’s family love. Completely different feeling. I’d go to the ends of the earth for our kid.

actually, where i come from people usually aren't considered ready for kids until they're in their thirties, so by my standards, you're still young. yeah, that makes sense. it's kind of like when you first start auditioning for roles. you take whatever cheesy part they throw your way, but as you grow, you get a lot more say in what roles suit you professionally. sounds nice, though. okay, but versace is also a fun brand.

Oh. Well - that's good to know. I guess I would have been considered a teen mom where you're from then, ha. Are you an actor? The idea of going into an audition for an acting role almost gives me hives. I can confidentially audition for the runway. I guess it just goes to show how similar but different the two worlds are.

a simple "thank you" will do all the work, you're welcome! i completely understand you, not everyone is born with the desire to become an actor. it's a very demanding job and you have to be incredibly committed to it. i agree with you, though. runways are just as challenging as acting, people often underestimate how much work, preparation and confidence it takes. have you been a model since you were young?

I'll settle it with a thank you, then. Cause I always feel super awkward accepting any form of compliment. It doesn't feel natural. Yeah, if you're not fully committed to doing something then I don't see the point in doing it, you know? Leave the opportunity to people who really have a passion for something. Do you think you'd ever do something on the runway? I did it as a toddler but didn't get back into it until just after high school, really. I dropped out of college for modelling.

give me a break! it's not like i'm always saying stupid things. but maybe i should take a break from podcasts, every time i go on one, there's a new headline about me and it's getting a bit exhausting. i know! the truth is, i was only thinking about myself that day. i wasn't thinking about what people would say and i definitely wasn't thinking about how it might affect you, i'm sorry for that. of course. you and khai can always count on me, no matter what you need.

You're right - you are very insightful when it comes to talking about music and chickens. Some of the headlines are good, though - aren't they? Have to admit I don't keep up too much with the interviews that you do. You don't need to apologize, Z. Really. I'm good. Was I a little hurt at the time? Sure. Who wouldn't be? But I've been struggling with my own idea of what love is for years. Kind of figured that I don't really have the desire for romantic love. So I think it's safe to say whatever we thought love was at the time, it was but now we can just appreciate that our relationship brought us the best kid. I just need you to be present for Khai - it's all I've ever asked of you.

true, it's not just something you can just squeeze in. but who knows, maybe in a year of two, there'll be the perfect time window to start the whole process. have you thought of sperm donor vibes though ? like do you think you'd go for a completely diferent type for this ? or someone with a yale pyschology degree or something like that ? she's always surrounded by kids and i think because of that, she probably wouldn't mind giving up her only child status to become a protective big sister. like she'd probably be so cute with a younger sibling hanging around. i'll definitely let you steal him for an overnight trip so you can take him to the georgia aquarium. knowing the two of you, you'll spend six hours standing in front of the shark exhibits debating which species is the coolest and jack would have the time of his life. right ? but they were pure entertainment when we were like twelve. i mean, remember thinking exhaustion was a whole thing after a day of school ? and mtv being the perfect balance because it was just so dumb ? like who'd voluntarily get onto a bus, only to step out and have an ugly man shout "next" ? not us, but our last functioning brain cells thought it was funny. thank you, i'll take all the luck i can get. but we both know you're only one call away so i can bother you with all of my emotions. your little girl, constantly testing all the boundaries, really is so precious. you've got all the rights in the world to be bias saying she's the best.

I don't know, honestly. Could just point and say that one. I haven't thought too much about it cause at the end of the day having a baby is the end goal. Do I need to think about all that? Fuck. It'll go one of two ways if she ever gets a sibling. It'll be that I can't even do anything with the baby cause it'll be her baby or she'll want nothing to do with them. I don't know what would be the better option. That sounds like the dream kind of day. Just sitting our ass down and doing a whole lot of nothing but watching the ocean creatures swim. Just let me know when you want me to take him and it'll happen. I always felt bad for the girls cause I thought that most of them were so beautiful. The guys that got told next... I laughed. Kudos to the girls who made it through but took the money, cause same.

I mean why not? I think that they could get along with one another? it's always nice to introduce axel to different kind of people, even if it might be a one off thing and it doesn't go to plan - we're both adults here right? still even one show sounds amazing - how did it feel being back on the runway? you've taken sometime out right? or was I just imagining it? are you planning on doing a little tourism thing? or you back in the states now? I've just been slowly getting back into things since giving birth to my daughter, she's seven months at the moment still hate being away from here even if just doing little shows here and there you know?

I'll have to check with Zayn to see if he's okay with it - it's not just my choice. Especially cause we don't really know each other.... we're both adults, yeah but with a weird history, soooo. I wouldn't say I've taken a step back - I just don't do as much shows as I used to. All the travelling isn't really for me anymore. I'd rather be at home and looking after Khai. Seven months is such a cute age. I bet she's getting a lot of personality now.

so i know you've been in the game for a long time, which is honestly something i have a lot of respect for. but i was wondering which fashion house have you been the most excited to work with and why? obviously the brand itself plays a huge factor, but doesn't it also come down to the work environment? or is it like they say on americas next top model that when you book a modelling job, you just have to keep a smile on your face no matter what? then again, we've come a long way since those days and i wouldn't take advice from tyra banks no matter what, and i'm assuming models have more rights now when it comes to how they're treated. ( @gigihfm )

When you put it like that…. I feel old as fuck. And I’ve only just entered my 30s. I think when you’re starting out that you kind of just take what you’re offered and build a name for yourself but now I’m very picky about what I’m doing. It’s kind of nice. The environment has changed - you’re right on that. I think working with Versace is always fun cause I love donatella.

I was looking through some old photos of us from years ago and it made me realise how much of my life you've been a part of. Through the good at the bad, you've really stuck by my side and I know it sounds super dramatic, but I don't know where I would be without you. I know you're busy, especially with all the Victoria's Secret stuff coming up, but let's hangout soon. @gigihfm

Oh, gosh. You’re going to make me cry here, Kenny. I love being in your life and I don’t think that’s ever going to change. You’re kind of stuck with me for life. I hope you know this. Although I do miss working with you as much as we used to. I’m excited about the show coming up. I can’t wait to see what they put together. I wish you’d walk again in the show.

Gigiiiii. You in LA right now? @gigihfm

Timotheeeeee - I don’t even remember the last time I was in LA. It’s probably been at least a year or even longer. I’m at home, in Pennsylvania. Enjoying the summer break with khai.

There is only one human that can pull that friggin look off and yes it's my badass sis. Every time I think you couldn't slay the world because you already reached human perfection...the more you go and up yourself. There is only one queen of Paris week to me. Paris treating you right? And by that I mean are you getting a little business and pleasure there? Is Khai with you?

You're boosting me up a little too much there, Bells. But I'm going to take the compliment so thank you, baby. Paris was a lot of fun but Khai wasn't with me. She stayed home and she let me know about it. So I might take her on a little trip while she's on summer vacation. Back to Disney of course - if you have time you should join us.

do you think next time i'm in the states that we could arrange some kind of play date for the kiddos? I personally think that khai and axel would get on despite them being a little different in age…or am I just tripping because I hope we could make that happen some day bella tells me that you are doing your amazing shit in Paris? I want to hear all about it…when those shows are done though what is your one little reward you give yourself? any particular fast food? i'm just curious. || @gigihfm

You want our kids to spend time together? That's something that I didn't think would happen. Aren't they only a year apart or something like that? I just walked one show in Paris for couture week - nothing too big. It was fun to get back out on the runway, though. And then I treated myself to some good ice cream. Can't ever go wrong with that while you're anywhere in Europe. What have you been up to?

Yet another face I've not seen in ages, and I know it's probably my fault because I spend so much of my time holed up in Nashville hiding away, but still. I miss you and that gorgeous face of yours, so we need to see each other again soon. You can come to Nashville, or I can come to you and we can have a couple of carefree girls' days if that's possible. And you can tell me all the things I've been missing out on in your life, and you'll learn how boring my life has been. // @gigihfm

Hiding away in Nashville doesn't sound half bad - I might have to come and join you for a weekend or something there. Cause yes, I agree. We need to spend some time together. While Zayn isn't on tour... I'm sure he'd be more than happy to have Khai for a little bit longer. You haven't been missing out on much with me - I went to Paris for Couture Fashion Week and I think that's about it, honestly. Other than that I've just been lazy around home. What've you been up to, Tay?

or potentially a younger sibling for her ? unless she's your one and done and bells and anwar have to do the rest of the work. they're soft and like little puppies ? yeah, i'm still not fully convinced. i don't think you'll ever get me into the shark game, to be honest. you can bond with jack over that one. having some time to yourself at home sounds like a blast too, especially if there's sleeping in included. sometimes i wish i had that kind of energy at the break of dawn that they posess. did you treat yourself to some self-care ? spent a day just lounging around and watching your favorite comfort show ? a shark lambo actually sounds pretty cool. what's that mtv show called again ? "pimp my ride" ? i might have to send one of justin's to that shop. i mean, depending on the theme they go for, that actually helps. seeing them get older ? yeah, no. i'm already crying over the fact that he's about to turn two. but at the same time it's so exciting to watch him grow every single day and discover new things. khai is growing up way too fast, though. like what do you mean she's finished her first year of school ? feels like yesterday she was serving me tea as a toddler in her little princess dress. is she sassily trying to outsmart you and test her boundaries ?

I've been thinking about doing IVF to have another kid but finding the right time to do that feels like an impossible task. Maybe it's something that I'll focus on next year. Well, I mean Alana and Marielle have already given her cousins but Anwar, Aydan or Bella could, too. And she's got family on Zayns side. So there isn't a lack of the cousins there there. The sibling thing is a whole other ballgame cause I don't know how she would react to no longer being an only child. I'll happily bond with Jack over sharks. We'll have the best time. I'll take him to the aquarium and everything. How would you feel if I took him over night for a trip to the Georgia Aquarium? That place fucking rocks. I haven't heard of pimp my ride in so long. I always thought those shows were so stupid cause there's no way the cars were actually functional. Trust me - it's only going to get worse from there. So I wish you luck on your journey of emotions. I think she was born into the world testing boundaries and I wouldn't have it any other way. Khai is the best. And if people tell me I'm bias then I'm going to take it.