Testosterone HRT and Online Discussions
Let's set the record straight, HRT is puberty for trans folk, it is often second puberty, nothing more, nothing less, sex characteristics can be altered through surgery and or HRT, and everyone has varying degrees of comfort around what characteristics they want or don't. This is how puberty is for everyone, it's not specific for trans people.
This conversations I see online and sometimes even in person somehow forget this. We act like wanting certain traits is bad and not a normal part of going through puberty. How many times have you seen boys in high school waiting for their first chest hair? Girls waiting to get their periods and wanting larger chests? In fact it is SO common it's written into countless coming of age movies marketed to teenagers and even tweens.
So why are the standards so high for trans people to love every possibility included in their HRT?
People have been getting breast implants, breast reductions, and mastectomies for awhile now. People have been getting top surgery, using hairline restoration techniques, and receiving jaw re-contouring surgeries for awhile now. The list could go on and on with different surgeries and techniques people use to alter their appearances, dissatisfied with what puberty gave them.
But then there's this ever growing discussion of these "misguided trans men and or transmasculine people" who want to look like androgynous "anime boys" as though the ghosts of unproven hypothesis surrounding "rapid-onset gender dysphoria" have us by a choke-hold, chained and collared to the wall.
So lets get one thing straight. It's okay to not want all the effects/possibilities of testosterone.
"But GHOSTBAT, you don't get to pick and choose what traits testosterone gives you when you take it? Shouldn't you accept that you will look like your dad?"
Yes and No (stop it with the dad comparison shit genetics are wacky and not that simple, and not all of us have good fathers).
It's true you should be prepared for any and all possibilities, this includes facial hair, chest hair, bottom growth, and hairloss. But being prepared doesn't mean you have to just grow to accept them, many of these can be treated. Don't like the body hair? Laser, or electrolysis is a great option for you to consider, don't want the hair but still set on testosterone? Be prepared to schedule a consult for electrolysis and laser if you have the means.
There's also treatments for hair loss! Cis people use them all the time, and often have big feelings about hair loss. It's okay to have those feelings and pursue treatment. Also, consider, some people look fucking amazing bald. EVERYONE CAN LOOK GREAT BALD, men, women, agender folk, multigender folk, the endless sea of enbies and enban too!
Bottom growth is a tricky one, this isn't reversible by and large, but I think it's a needlessly demonized change, I was afraid of it and how it would change, and at the beginning, it was a lot, admittedly. When people make it out like this change creates an alien feature in your pants it's very easy to get worked up, but frankly, I love it more than I ever thought I could or would. Learn from other folks with bottom growth, how they wash down there, how it changed sex for them, do the reading on about peoples experiences, and make the decision from there. This helped me when I finally started T.
Voice change not feeling great? Trans women have been voice training for AGES, use the resources they have and you can train your voice back up to a higher vocal range, or even a lower one, if you feel HRT has been insufficient thus far, or you don't like the so called "FTM voice" (frankly, I love it but everyone deserves a voice and a body they feel comfortable in!).
And? At the end of the day, stopping T is an option as well! It's okay if you try it and feel your transition is "complete" and you cease taking it. It's okay if you learn it's not for you.
Overall, do your research, look at art by trans men, depictions of trans guys or transmasculine people on HRT, those with top surgery, those without top surgery, those with body hair, those without. I was initially volatile and very frustrated that I couldn't transition with a snap of my fingers, but finding positive depictions of the process helped me accept my body through all it's stages, even if it wasn't "ideal." I may have not loved it, I may have even hated it at times (still do, in fact, I'm still in the thick of it). But seeing positive descriptions is a great way to ground yourself and understand there's beauty in every phase, even if it isn't end game.
You may be surprised to know how much the rhetoric and demonization has been effecting how you view testosterone based HRT and those bodily traits. It may end up that you LOVE things about it you never thought you expected to love.
There's a lot going on in the world, and many people feel uncertain and unsafe. There's a decent amount of folks looking for the comfort of more conservative or traditional ideals for comfort in the face of that uncertainty, whether they realize it or not.
You are loved no matter your decision, I want you to thrive no matter who you are, I love my queer siblings.
Lets just please not hold each other to high standards, and keep in mind that there are real people out there with these body types or characteristics, these changes can go one way or the other, it is not the end of the world, it's simply the start of a wiser you. We have to be sure not to speak ill of real folks and their body types.
Being a man, is hot, being a man doesn't mean you're unattractive or ugly. Having body hair, facial hair, a deep voice, bottom growth, being "clocky" is not bad. Being unable to grow body hair or a beard doesn't make you less of a man or a transmasculine person. It's okay to embrace a balding head, and it's okay to love it!
It's not and never will be about what the world thinks or says, it's about YOU, what do YOU want, what makes YOU feel good, beauty standards be fucking damned.
I love y'all so very much. Happy pride to my fellow trans men!!!
