Crystalline

yo why they do my mans like that

cringe husband with fail academic skills

@afro-elf

Artist

Oh they look so pleased with themselves at the end. 😍

sunshiney characters who adore the mean grumpy character, platonically or romantically, but not DESPITE them being mean as if that isn’t who the other “really” is deep down. they love it. they think the other is the funniest cleverest most delightful person alive

if the sunshiney character doesn’t have to cover their mouth up trying not to laugh at every sharp comment, completely altering how everyone else thinks abt the sunshiney character, then what’s the point

well personally me and my soulmate use our red string of fate to trip people over

one of my favorite ways to be hurtful on purpose is to pretend I’ve forgotten what kind of car a Tesla Guy drives each time he brings it up

the other day I referred to a Tesla Guy’s car as “the little white sedan” and I thought he was going to hit me with a folding chair

You are.

none pizza with all ham

Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it.

natural blondes quit trying you will NEVER have what fake blondes have

hey I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water

my cereal is loud and it's demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and god so thoughtlessly

...how does it taste?

bad

I have mastered the potion: Instant Spoiled Milk, therefore earning the rank of shittiest alchemist currently alive.

sorry for being a paul dano fan account. As if that’s my fault

If you can’t laugh during sex you’re having sex with the wrong person.

#artists…is the same

McDonald’s should start selling 99 cent margaritas

McDonald's should start doing abortions