the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

it's important to yell "fuck you kill yourself" at the tv advertisements to counteract the mind control

fat people! this is your sign to dress sluttier. you dont have to dress modestly just bc youre fat. fat looks so fucking good in shorts and crop tops yall

happy pride stay fat and slutty

no one says big mood anymore. no one even says mood. no one says anything. all thats left is a dry wind, that scours my face until i bleed

hate when I type :) and this 🙂 fucker appears. Go away you evil soul

at planned parenthood and they're playing regular show

"dude if you don't get this abortion benson is gonna fire us"

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

Why the fuck are you suggesting putting CHILDREN in a club?

So they can sip grey goose, maybe have a cig, and feel the rhythm? Are you the fun police?

can you put that thing on a leash?

One time i got sucked up by a ufo im not joking

what happebned

On god they were being super mean to me like they were flicking my head and shit the grey aliens were flicking my head and punching my nose and giving me noogies and shoving me and shit....

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over