Some of this, Some of that.

me when i gET YOU

AAA video game publisher voice: "Look. The goose layed a golden egg, and that's nice! Everyone loved that egg. But keeping the golden goose means paying for bird feed and I don't want to, so I killed the goose."

If the only thing that has kept you going was outliving Mitch McConnell, imma need yall to pick a new person to outlive and fast. Your mission is not over.

Listen, no offense, but if you plopped me down into Whoville, I would rule those Whos with an iron fist within two weeks. Every Who down in Whoville, so weak and so small, would cower before me. They’d cower and fall.

how am I gonna be an optometrist about this

It's absolutely horrifying . And it's happening.

i was on the phone with my father earlier today talking about videogames (typical for conversation with my father), i was telling him about my lord of the rings online character who i imagine is a horse-thief from rohan and my father said “i imagine that is a very serious crime in rohan” with real concern in his voice

This is one of your worst posts yet man

You called me dirt sucking poor and told me my carrot looks like a cock

tf2 heritage post

“phan isn’t real.” I say into the mic, the crowd boos and throws clique merch at me. I stand my ground, I’m not a fucking pussy. The crowd of 12 year olds start screaming “the whiskers come from within!” and “ladders!”. I am very close to ending it all when two posh voices command silence over the crowd. “She’s right, stop fetishizing gay relationships.” Dan and Phil themselves stand in the back.

date of origin: december 26th, 2017

“phan is real.” I say into the mic, the crowd boos and throws clique merch at me. I stand my ground, I’m not a fucking pussy. The crowd of 12 year olds start screaming “you’re fetishizing gay relationships!” I am very close to ending it all when one posh voice and one northern voice command silence over the crowd. “He’s right, please write more yaoi.” Dan and Phil themselves stand in the back. Then they come onstage and kiss, holding the gay flag.